Yeah...
Emotional roller coaster rides are no fun. Gonna straight copy and paste the list and while I do think that "love" is tossed around way to freely, I think we've all experienced the common use of it enough to get where this author is coming from. Oh! And while I'm pretty sure we all know that sex is for married people, I'm sure we also all know that we don't always do what we're supposed to and so I'm leaving the sex warning flags in as well (by the way, you can read the original copy here):
Here are some signs that you've crossed the line between "loving" to "loving too much".
1. You felt empty and unloved before you met him or her, but now you feel even emptier and insecure.
2. You want to talk to him or her every few hours/see him or her every few days but unlike you, he or she is able to go for long periods of time without talking to you or seeing you -- and it doesn't seem to bother him or her.
3. Your thoughts and feelings keep bouncing from "he or she loves me so much" to "it's all over, he/she is not going to call."
4. Much of your day is consumed thinking of this special person and developing strategies of what you'll say or do (and when) to make him/her see that you are meant for each other etc.
5. He or she seems extraordinarily independent and this is driving you nuts. He or she even makes you feel you could have sex with someone else and it wouldn't matter.
6. One moment you find yourself unable to refrain yourself from telling him or her that he or she is unfair, selfish, insensitive, unmotivated, unpolished, boorish, depressed etc. and the next moment you are professing your love and desire for a committed relationship.
7. You live for his or her love -- and in moments of insecurity you try to squeeze out some words or actions that reassure you that he or she loves you and is there to stay -- although deep inside you know that putting pressure on him or her is the worst thing to do.
8. You feel like you are getting mixed signals from him or her (you probably are). One moment he or she is open and wants to be close and the next, his or her words and actions seem to say "I need my space" or "leave me alone".
9. You're are trying so badly to please him or her, and do things to show him or her that you are deeply in love, and in the process losing your spontaneity and "in the moment" demeanor to the point that you are becoming increasingly "too serious" and "overly sensitive".
10. You want to (and actually do) talk about the relationship more than he or she wants to. And many of your talks about the relationship leave you feeling more insecure, unlovable and second-rate.
11. There is another man or woman in the picture -- and your man or woman can't seem to get him or herself to end the relationship with that other man or woman. You can see that he or she is genuinely conflicted because he or she loves the other person too -- or more!
12. Your assessment of where the relationship is at is different from his or hers -- and when you point this out, he or she says you are making him or her feel pressured for something he or she can't give or isn't ready for.
13. His or her life -- professional and social -- seems so full that there is not much room for you. Try as you do to get in, you always feel like the "outsider" and he or she is not doing much to include you.
14. The last time you tried to back away a little to gain more perspective on the relationship, you couldn't even pull that one through. You got so scared that a little distance might end the relationship completely.
15. You have sex with him or her because you think that that's what he or she wants, You hope and pray that the closeness of sex will bring the two of closer to each other -- but it only makes you feel used.
16. You are constantly rationalizing the negatives and straining to believe him or her, even when what he or she is saying defies simple common sense.
17. You are obsessed with trying to interpret, understand and clarify his or her every word and action. You are constantly searching for internet articles, asking friends and even strangers what they think -- does he or she love me or not?
18. He or she is in total control his or her feelings and of the relationship. You are the powerless clinger.
19. Your anxiety is on the high end -- you are really afraid that this relationship might end (and expecting it to) anytime really soon.
20. There is a part of you that just wants to end it all -- actually wants him or her to leave so that you can regain your lost power (feel normal again), yet you are frightened of that prospect too.
Wheeeeeeeeee (inhale) eeeeeeeeeeee (exhale) eeeeeew!
Get free. You're deserving of it.
tmm,
SRW
Monday, February 27, 2012
"On Fire": QUOTE OF THE DAY
So...
I was finishing up a deadline on eco-friendly activities and I happened upon this quote:
You know, sometimes we recycle things (and people) that really are of no more use to us. Also, sometimes we hold onto things for *fear* of where they will end up once we release them. Hmph. Brings a whole new meaning to "Perfect love casts out all fear", now doesn't it? And remember, when you live in fear...WHEN YOU HOLD ONTO THINGS BECAUSE OF FEAR, the Word, which is God (John 1:1), also tells us that *fear involves torment* (I John 4:18). *Nothing* God gives us is for the purpose of "annoyance" or "misery" or even "provocation", "suffering" or "worry":
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning."---James 1:17(NKJV)
Some serious food for thought today. Hold on to "it" because it's good for you; not because you're afraid to go without.
tmm,
SRW
I was finishing up a deadline on eco-friendly activities and I happened upon this quote:
“There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.”---Oscar Wilde
You know, sometimes we recycle things (and people) that really are of no more use to us. Also, sometimes we hold onto things for *fear* of where they will end up once we release them. Hmph. Brings a whole new meaning to "Perfect love casts out all fear", now doesn't it? And remember, when you live in fear...WHEN YOU HOLD ONTO THINGS BECAUSE OF FEAR, the Word, which is God (John 1:1), also tells us that *fear involves torment* (I John 4:18). *Nothing* God gives us is for the purpose of "annoyance" or "misery" or even "provocation", "suffering" or "worry":
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning."---James 1:17(NKJV)
Some serious food for thought today. Hold on to "it" because it's good for you; not because you're afraid to go without.
tmm,
SRW
Saturday, February 25, 2012
"On Fire": QUOTE OF THE DAY
Yeah. You know you've got a good one when he says things like this:
Speaking to InStyle.com during a private dinner party in Los Angeles recently, [Oscar-nominated actress Viola] Davis recounted a message from hubby Julius Tennon. “He said, ‘If you want to wear it for your career, that’s fine, but in your life wear your hair. Step into who you are,’” she said. “It’s a very powerful statement.”
He was speaking of her going sans her wigs and rockin' her real tiny 'fro.
Words to live by. ;-)
tmm,
SRW
Speaking to InStyle.com during a private dinner party in Los Angeles recently, [Oscar-nominated actress Viola] Davis recounted a message from hubby Julius Tennon. “He said, ‘If you want to wear it for your career, that’s fine, but in your life wear your hair. Step into who you are,’” she said. “It’s a very powerful statement.”
He was speaking of her going sans her wigs and rockin' her real tiny 'fro.
STEP INTO WHO YOU ARE. IT'S A VERY POWERFUL STATEMENT.
Words to live by. ;-)
tmm,
SRW
Thursday, February 23, 2012
"On Fire": Why Widows Are Becoming My Hereos
"Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world."---James 1:27(NKJV)
"When a wife has a good husband it is easily seen in her face."---Goethe
This has been a LONG week for me. Thanks to Saturday.
As I was telling someone earlier this week, I am so thankful to remain in a place where when I know that God has told me something, I do it. Irregardless of what the masses are doing. On this past Sabbath, while seemingly (most of) the world was watching Whitney Houston's funeral, I heard the Spirit say, "Go. Rest. And LIVE life." And so, I did. I only caught a couple of recaps on CNN later that night. And I'm more than fine with that.
Back to earlier on Saturday...after having an impromptu lunch with some friends, I came home to an email about my great-grandmother having congestive heart failure. Then I got a phone call about a "professional friend" (*very few* people in life are *all-purpose friends*) passing from a heart attack. He was 32. *Then* on my way back from the two-hour drive to see my grandmother, I received a text that one of my high school classmate's father *also on Saturday* died of a heart attack. On the year that is my 20-year reunion, the man that so many of us called, "Dad" and I saw just a few weeks ago, died.
Sometimes 37 feels...older. But when it comes to death, I still feel pretty young. Certainly too young to see the amount of death that I already have. But in times like these, I'm so grateful for a Comforter that provides appropriate Scriptures; ones that, to this day, I have not heard quoted in a funeral service *yet*:
"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints."---Psalm 116:15(NKJV)
"Those who are right with God may die, but no one pays attention. Good people are taken away, but no one understands. Those who do right are being taken away from evil and are given peace. Those who live as God wants find rest in death."---Isaiah 57:1-2(NCV)
We are not the final judge (I Corinthians 4:5) and it's *just as much playing God* to speak of people heading to heaven as presuming that they are not; once Christ returns (because if people in our lifetimes were already in heaven, why why would there be verses like, "the dead in Christ will rise first"?-I Thessalonians 4:15-17) the fate of people's afterlife will all be *just as Elohim believes it should be*. Oh, but in the meantime, it's nice to be comforted by the fact that there is mercy in death. And that there is rest there as well (Psalm 13:3).
I thought about that as I attended "Dad's" funeral on yesterday. Looking at the packed out room and hearing friends of his since childhood and adolescence speak of his quirky sense of humor, unbelievably huge and giving heart and his belief that the Church was *people* and not *buildings* (Selah! Amen!)...in hearing that one of his mottos was that "It's just as important to be behind the scenes as out in the front" (something more people could stand to be reminded of)...in listening to all of his many accomplishments, many that I didn't know about because he obviously took the Bible quite seriously including the verse, "Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; A stranger, and not your own lips" (Proverbs 27:2-NKJV), I thought about what I admired about him the most: his marriage of 42 years and the fact that Goethe is right: it *is* seen on a wife's face when she has a good husband. Alan Craig's wife beamed *every time* I saw her and honestly, I can't remember one time seeing them more than a few feet a part.
As I hugged her yesterday and she shared some vulnerable words about her feelings in this season, I heard myself say in her ear while hugging, "The Bible says that true religion is taking care of widows and orphans. I'll be checking on you." And for the rest of the day, I thought about that statement. How, over the course of the past 10 or so years, I have come to develop my own network of widows and they are some of my most favorite of women in the entire world. The thing that they all have in common is that their marriages were stellar, in part because they were married to the complete and absolute love of their lives, and that while no union is perfect, they lived about as close to biblical textbook accurate as a marriage can get (when you follow *directions*, you get good results).
Therefore, you would think that these ladies would keel over and die from heartbreak once their beloveds transitioned in preparation for the next phase of their existence. Nope. They travel. They are active in ministries. Some have started businesses. I have stood back totally and utterly amazed at their resilience and even now I'm taken aback by the resolve that...
With no man in their lives, *their life* has not ended; *their life* is quite full. If anything, I believe that losing their beloved reminds them that we are not to boast about tomorrow (Proverbs 27:1) and that yes, we are as vapor that appears for a little bit of time and vanishes away (James 4:13-15). As a testament to the life that they shared with another in a I Corinthians 13 existence, they carry on in tribute.
As I was sharing this with my mom last night, she put the final piece of the puzzle together with me; about why, more and more, I find myself sitting at the feet of these extraordinary women that we call, "widows".
The widows that I know are in a good place *because of love*. They can be single and happy and whole and confident and prosperous *because of love*. The memory of their great loves plays a significant role in their new beginnings...even though those relationships have come to an end.
And wouldn't it be nice of we as single women *really got that*? That when the Word, which is Adonai (John 1:1), tells us that an unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord (I Corinthians 7:34), it's Adonai's way of encouraging us to enter into a *real and lasting love relationship* with a Spirit that loves us in an everlasting way (Jeremiah 31:3); a Spirit that will *never die*. A Spirit that, *because of love*, gives us the right to a full life as well.
"When a wife has a good husband it is easily seen in her face."---Goethe
This has been a LONG week for me. Thanks to Saturday.
As I was telling someone earlier this week, I am so thankful to remain in a place where when I know that God has told me something, I do it. Irregardless of what the masses are doing. On this past Sabbath, while seemingly (most of) the world was watching Whitney Houston's funeral, I heard the Spirit say, "Go. Rest. And LIVE life." And so, I did. I only caught a couple of recaps on CNN later that night. And I'm more than fine with that.
Back to earlier on Saturday...after having an impromptu lunch with some friends, I came home to an email about my great-grandmother having congestive heart failure. Then I got a phone call about a "professional friend" (*very few* people in life are *all-purpose friends*) passing from a heart attack. He was 32. *Then* on my way back from the two-hour drive to see my grandmother, I received a text that one of my high school classmate's father *also on Saturday* died of a heart attack. On the year that is my 20-year reunion, the man that so many of us called, "Dad" and I saw just a few weeks ago, died.
Sometimes 37 feels...older. But when it comes to death, I still feel pretty young. Certainly too young to see the amount of death that I already have. But in times like these, I'm so grateful for a Comforter that provides appropriate Scriptures; ones that, to this day, I have not heard quoted in a funeral service *yet*:
"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints."---Psalm 116:15(NKJV)
"Those who are right with God may die, but no one pays attention. Good people are taken away, but no one understands. Those who do right are being taken away from evil and are given peace. Those who live as God wants find rest in death."---Isaiah 57:1-2(NCV)
We are not the final judge (I Corinthians 4:5) and it's *just as much playing God* to speak of people heading to heaven as presuming that they are not; once Christ returns (because if people in our lifetimes were already in heaven, why why would there be verses like, "the dead in Christ will rise first"?-I Thessalonians 4:15-17) the fate of people's afterlife will all be *just as Elohim believes it should be*. Oh, but in the meantime, it's nice to be comforted by the fact that there is mercy in death. And that there is rest there as well (Psalm 13:3).
I thought about that as I attended "Dad's" funeral on yesterday. Looking at the packed out room and hearing friends of his since childhood and adolescence speak of his quirky sense of humor, unbelievably huge and giving heart and his belief that the Church was *people* and not *buildings* (Selah! Amen!)...in hearing that one of his mottos was that "It's just as important to be behind the scenes as out in the front" (something more people could stand to be reminded of)...in listening to all of his many accomplishments, many that I didn't know about because he obviously took the Bible quite seriously including the verse, "Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; A stranger, and not your own lips" (Proverbs 27:2-NKJV), I thought about what I admired about him the most: his marriage of 42 years and the fact that Goethe is right: it *is* seen on a wife's face when she has a good husband. Alan Craig's wife beamed *every time* I saw her and honestly, I can't remember one time seeing them more than a few feet a part.
As I hugged her yesterday and she shared some vulnerable words about her feelings in this season, I heard myself say in her ear while hugging, "The Bible says that true religion is taking care of widows and orphans. I'll be checking on you." And for the rest of the day, I thought about that statement. How, over the course of the past 10 or so years, I have come to develop my own network of widows and they are some of my most favorite of women in the entire world. The thing that they all have in common is that their marriages were stellar, in part because they were married to the complete and absolute love of their lives, and that while no union is perfect, they lived about as close to biblical textbook accurate as a marriage can get (when you follow *directions*, you get good results).
Therefore, you would think that these ladies would keel over and die from heartbreak once their beloveds transitioned in preparation for the next phase of their existence. Nope. They travel. They are active in ministries. Some have started businesses. I have stood back totally and utterly amazed at their resilience and even now I'm taken aback by the resolve that...
AS WIDOWS THEY HAVE SERVED AS MIRACULOUS ROLE MODELS OF WHAT A SINGLE WOMAN'S LIFE SHOULD LOOK LIKE.
With no man in their lives, *their life* has not ended; *their life* is quite full. If anything, I believe that losing their beloved reminds them that we are not to boast about tomorrow (Proverbs 27:1) and that yes, we are as vapor that appears for a little bit of time and vanishes away (James 4:13-15). As a testament to the life that they shared with another in a I Corinthians 13 existence, they carry on in tribute.
As I was sharing this with my mom last night, she put the final piece of the puzzle together with me; about why, more and more, I find myself sitting at the feet of these extraordinary women that we call, "widows".
"When you've had a great love that supports and nurtures you, you can live a full life because of it."
The widows that I know are in a good place *because of love*. They can be single and happy and whole and confident and prosperous *because of love*. The memory of their great loves plays a significant role in their new beginnings...even though those relationships have come to an end.
And wouldn't it be nice of we as single women *really got that*? That when the Word, which is Adonai (John 1:1), tells us that an unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord (I Corinthians 7:34), it's Adonai's way of encouraging us to enter into a *real and lasting love relationship* with a Spirit that loves us in an everlasting way (Jeremiah 31:3); a Spirit that will *never die*. A Spirit that, *because of love*, gives us the right to a full life as well.
THERE IS A GREAT LOVE, GRACE AND CARE THAT GOD HAS FOR US BY GRANTING US THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN WHAT MANY WIDOWS HAVE...BEFORE ACTUALLY BECOMING ONE.
It's a great wonder to behold: the love relationship we have with the Most High that gives us access to abundance even before we are united with our own beloveds. So that when our time comes, we too can have the beaming face of a happy wife; not just because of our husbands came, but because we knew what great love was like before they even arrived.
If you don't have a widow in your life, again, remember what the Word says; true religion tends to them. Therefore, it might be a good idea to get one. Personally, I love love and am learning more about the power of it with every passing day. And on the battlefield between good and evil, life and death, *marriage and divorce*, I must admit that the widows in my world, because of their love for God and love for life, in spite of what he gives *or takes away*...more and more, are becoming my heroes.
Showing me how to love. FULLY. No matter what.
Because life is worth living because God loves us. No matter what.
And indeed, it is.
And indeed, it is.
tmm,
SRW
Friday, February 17, 2012
"On Fire": The PRESUMPTION of Premature Wifedom
"The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?'
And He answered and said to them, 'Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."---Matthew 19:3-6 (NKJV)
"It`s most presumptuous to believe we already know all the answers and will never get any more big surprises."---Andreas Heine
While (re)reading the story (and *rape*) of Amnon and Tamar (2 Samuel 13) earlier today...
I was a bit taken aback *and fascinated* about where the Spirit (John 4:24) led (Luke 12:12) me re: it. Almost every time that I read that story, I think about my absolute favorite quote on (illicit) sex: "Sex without love is violence." Author Eric Jerome Dickey penned that. Anyway, if you're not familiar with the story, Amnon was in love with his brother Absalom's sister. That may seem a bit...icky within itself, before I continue, it might be wise to remind us all that *even now*, in Abba Father's family, we're spiritually considered brother and sister. Marriage is the *only thing* that changes that dynamic. Therefore, sex outside of marriage may not be as brutal as the rape that Tamar experienced, but spiritually, it's still a very unhealthy situation: "spiritual incest" is what I call it.
Anyway, what I kept getting "stuck" on was this part of the story:
2 Samuel 13:4(NKJV): "Amnon said to him, 'I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.'"
2 Samuel 13:14-15(NKJV): "However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her.Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, 'Arise, be gone!'"
I have quoted this more times than I can count. Perhaps because I find it so indicative of Adonai's nature (Jonah 4:2): "We are not punished for our sins, but by our sins." It was Elbert Hubbard who said that and although fornication is not nearly, to the human senses, as horrific as sexual assault, spiritually, in many ways, is it not similar? The Word says not to fornicate (I Corinthians 6:9-10, Hebrews 12:12-17&13:4, Revelation 21:8) and yet, so many of us do; claiming that we love the person that we are engaging in the act with. And yet look at Amnon's *spirit*. He loved. He *had to have*. And then after the act, his hatred manifested.
How many of us are or have engaged in fornication *for the exact same reason*? We feel like we love someone and while we're not ready for marriage (which should *automatically mean* that we're not ready for sex, by the way), we feel like we've just *got to have* the person that we're with and so we overlook the Lord's instructions and we find ourselves, on some level, whether it's immediately happened or not...being punished for our sins (Romans 6:23).
And He answered and said to them, 'Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."---Matthew 19:3-6 (NKJV)
"It`s most presumptuous to believe we already know all the answers and will never get any more big surprises."---Andreas Heine
While (re)reading the story (and *rape*) of Amnon and Tamar (2 Samuel 13) earlier today...
I was a bit taken aback *and fascinated* about where the Spirit (John 4:24) led (Luke 12:12) me re: it. Almost every time that I read that story, I think about my absolute favorite quote on (illicit) sex: "Sex without love is violence." Author Eric Jerome Dickey penned that. Anyway, if you're not familiar with the story, Amnon was in love with his brother Absalom's sister. That may seem a bit...icky within itself, before I continue, it might be wise to remind us all that *even now*, in Abba Father's family, we're spiritually considered brother and sister. Marriage is the *only thing* that changes that dynamic. Therefore, sex outside of marriage may not be as brutal as the rape that Tamar experienced, but spiritually, it's still a very unhealthy situation: "spiritual incest" is what I call it.
Anyway, what I kept getting "stuck" on was this part of the story:
2 Samuel 13:4(NKJV): "Amnon said to him, 'I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.'"
2 Samuel 13:14-15(NKJV): "However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her.Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, 'Arise, be gone!'"
Amnon loved Tamar. He *had to have her*. He had her. And then his hatred exceeded his love.
I have quoted this more times than I can count. Perhaps because I find it so indicative of Adonai's nature (Jonah 4:2): "We are not punished for our sins, but by our sins." It was Elbert Hubbard who said that and although fornication is not nearly, to the human senses, as horrific as sexual assault, spiritually, in many ways, is it not similar? The Word says not to fornicate (I Corinthians 6:9-10, Hebrews 12:12-17&13:4, Revelation 21:8) and yet, so many of us do; claiming that we love the person that we are engaging in the act with. And yet look at Amnon's *spirit*. He loved. He *had to have*. And then after the act, his hatred manifested.
How many of us are or have engaged in fornication *for the exact same reason*? We feel like we love someone and while we're not ready for marriage (which should *automatically mean* that we're not ready for sex, by the way), we feel like we've just *got to have* the person that we're with and so we overlook the Lord's instructions and we find ourselves, on some level, whether it's immediately happened or not...being punished for our sins (Romans 6:23).
Wow. Fornication carries about the spirit of Amnon: LUST.
Love? Real love? It will wait. Until it's right. RIGHT WOULD BE MARRIAGE.
But the Lord had more. Something that I never thought about when it came to *another reason* why the Most High puts fornication in the "settling for less" category is because the act comes from a place of *extreme pride and arrogance*. And as Proverbs 16:18(NKJV) clearly states, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." Sometimes "the fall" is what so many people call, "falling in love".
You see, what I never fully considered before today is that another reason why God takes such issue with sex before marriage is being that it's for married people, even when we claim to love the person that we're engaging in the act with, aside from the fact that the act puts them in spiritual danger and the relationship in extreme emotional compromise, it also comes from a place of *extreme presumption*.
Genesis 2:24-25(NKJV) tells us this: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." A man *and his wife* are who have the spiritual sanction to be naked and not ashamed. Matthew 19:6 states that what GOD has joined together, let no man separate.
Presumption: assumption of something as true; the act of presuming; bold or insolent behavior or manners
Synonyms: audacity, conceit, ego, gall, guess, nerve, opinion, postulate, shot in the dark, smugness, sneaking suspicion, swagger, vanity
Participating in sexual activity before marriage is either just flat out rebellious or the result of pure presumption: *assuming* that you will end up together and being so *bold* as to act like a wife...before GOD joined you as man and wife. That audacity, that ego, that utter gall and nerve are so displeasing in the eyes of the Father and, on a lot of levels, it's a "shot in the dark"...literally:
"The lamp of the body is the eye. Therefore, when your eye is good, your whole body also is full of light. But when your eye is bad, your body also is full of darkness."---Luke 11:34(NKJV)
When we put *anything* (or one) before God's will for our lives---and as single women, his will would include sexual purity---it's like casting a shadow on our lives and in this case, our relationship. When we're *so consumed* with making a relationship work that we're not totally surrendered to serving God, our vision has some darkness in it and as a *direct result* our body becomes capable of doing some...very strange things.
A STRANGE THING WOULD INCLUDE ACTING LIKE A WIFE BEFORE GOD JOINS YOU TO YOUR HUSBAND. IN MARRIAGE.
Now *please believe* that sex is not the only misstep in the area of premature wifedom. The other day, a girlfriend of mine and I were talking about how *utterly irresponsible* it is to give *single people* marriage advice; to reference them to Scriptures that apply to *what God has joined together* when they're not together, like that, with their significant other...yet (I Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5 and I Peter 3 immediately come to mind). And here's the thing: once you have entered into a *marital covenant*, there is a different kind of grace that you're given that no matter how much you try to *play house* in a dating situation, you just don't have.
I have stated from personal experience that, "What wives call commitment, for a lot of single women, that would be settling." When the Lord calls a wife to respect her husband, to be faithful to her husband, to be a good homemaker for her husband (there's a good article on godly wife duties here), isn't it a trip how so many *girlfriends* will assume these positions *prematurely so*? Suddenly they are putting up with things that honestly, they can walk away from but they stay because they believe it's a sign of respect. They are not engaged and yet, talking about "faithful" and "cheating" in a relationship where they are no *vows* of such in place. They are just as involved in their boyfriend's daily affairs including bills and home upkeep when that is not something that a single woman is biblically-commissioned to do.
And here's the trap with that...
SINGLE WOMEN ARE OFTEN SO CAUGHT UP IN ACTING LIKE THEIR BOYFRIEND'S WIFE THAT THEY IGNORE WHAT THEY *HAVE BEEN* INSTRUCTED BY GOD TO DO: "CARE FOR THE THINGS OF THE LORD."
"There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband."---I Corinthians 7:34(NKJV)
Me personally, I haven't been fond of the whole boyfriend thing for many years now: I have no interest in someone getting the *benefits* of my being a wife without any of the *responsibilities* and at 37, I often say that I'm too old for a *boy* anything. But now I see why Satan probably likes the term so much. It gets us caught up in the "play wifey" mentality. The Word, which is Adonai (John 1:1), makes *very clear distinctions* re: the difference between a married woman and a single woman (which was supposed to be a virgin, by the way): a married woman cares about pleasing *her husband*. A single woman's responsibility says nothing about substituting the word "husband" for "boyfriend". Until she is united as one, she cares for the things of *the Lord*. And the *big bonus* in that is that the Word also tells us, that even when it comes to our dating/courtship situations, "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."---I Peter 5:6-7(NKJV)
WHEN WE HUMBLE OURSELVES UNDER GOD'S HAND AND POSITIONING FOR US, HE LETS US KNOW WHEN IT'S TIME TO BE PROMOTED (WHICH HONESTLY, IS PROBABLY MORE LIKE A LATERAL MOVE. THERE'S *GREAT BENEFITS* TO BEING SINGLE). WHEN WE CARE ABOUT SERVING HIM, HE REMINDS US THAT HE HANDLES, QUITE WELL, THE CARES THAT WE HAVE.
Hmph. It's a trip ain't it? The verse the *immediately follows* I Peter 5:6-7: "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." As a single woman, a part of being sober-minded is not getting "drunk off of our emotions". A part of being vigilant is being "ever alert and awake" to our duties...*as a single woman who follows the calling, will and way of the Lord*. Who doesn't *act* married until she *is* married. Who uses this time to train for the position, but not with her *boyfriend* as her guide but God as her teacher.
Yeah. That was good right there, Divine Spirit.
Besides, who wants to *assume* in a relationship? You know how the saying goes about assumption. It's just not the wisest thing to do. *Another thing that I can testify to*.
Presumption operates out of flesh.
Faith moves in the Spirit.
The difference? The latter lets GOD lead. Not a "wifey". Or a *boyfriend*.
“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”---Matthew 19:26(NKJV)
tmm,
SRW
Monday, February 13, 2012
"On Fire": THIS Is What the Power of Love Looks Like...
So...
I got an email yesterday from a spiritual brother of mine who has been walking a really...*detailed* journey towards healing. Healing from sexual abuse. Freedom from porn addiction. Deliverance from the sting of divorce.
And just as he was beginning to exhale in a new found love...
A health diagnosis. Stage four cancer. She's not even been given a year.
I was so moved by his "off the cuff" words re: his beloved that, with his permission, I have shared this with a couple of blog outlets. However, being that this particular blog is not just about preparing for love but *discerning* love that is *real*, I thought I'd share it with you gals as well. Sometimes, a lot of energy, on here, is placed on selecting the right man. This is a reminder of what it means to be *his right woman*.
Well done, my friend. Well done.
I've come so far on a journey of healing. Healing from repeated sexual abuse and many many years of porn addiction. I've failed in love and marriage. I struggle to be a good father. I am a good man, however. How do I know? She believes in me. I may never know what she sees in me. That's OK. I have her love and that's enough. That's all I want. That's all I need. That's all I desire.
REAL LOVE REFLECTS GOD.
REAL LOVE BRINGS A PERSON CLOSER TO GOD.
REAL LOVE MAKES A PERSON PRAISE GOD FOR YOU.
Definitely something to think about on this Valentine's Day.
Love to you.
SRW
I got an email yesterday from a spiritual brother of mine who has been walking a really...*detailed* journey towards healing. Healing from sexual abuse. Freedom from porn addiction. Deliverance from the sting of divorce.
And just as he was beginning to exhale in a new found love...
A health diagnosis. Stage four cancer. She's not even been given a year.
I was so moved by his "off the cuff" words re: his beloved that, with his permission, I have shared this with a couple of blog outlets. However, being that this particular blog is not just about preparing for love but *discerning* love that is *real*, I thought I'd share it with you gals as well. Sometimes, a lot of energy, on here, is placed on selecting the right man. This is a reminder of what it means to be *his right woman*.
Well done, my friend. Well done.
"There is a song playing over and over in my head today by Kenny Rodgers titled 'She Believes In Me'. The words, over and over again, telling me how she believes me. She has faith in me and she waits for me, her prince. She believes in fairytales and happy endings and I do too... How I wish I could change her world and maybe, just maybe on some special night, the dreams we have will come true.
Sometimes, though, regardless how gallant the prince may be, he may not save the princess.
I've come so far on a journey of healing. Healing from repeated sexual abuse and many many years of porn addiction. I've failed in love and marriage. I struggle to be a good father. I am a good man, however. How do I know? She believes in me. I may never know what she sees in me. That's OK. I have her love and that's enough. That's all I want. That's all I need. That's all I desire.
She is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I've shown her pictures to others and they all agree she is gorgeous, but that is not what attracted me. It was what was inside her. Her spirit is so beautiful. I want to tell the world of her. How did she become the object of my desires? I was drawn in by the words she has written. For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Out of the pain and the tragedies in her life she has found the love of God and she has shown it to me.
She knows all of me. I've hidden nothing from her. I have kept nothing back. If ever a woman like her could love a man like me, I have experienced the love, forgiveness and acceptance of God. If I never see her face or kiss her lips, I have experienced the type of love a man desires from a woman. The type of love I've never been able to experience before because through her love I have healed so much. She believes in me.
No one, not even myself, may not understand what she sees in me. They know of my past. They think they know me today. They maybe think that there is no way I've shared all of me and I'm holding out sharing the the ugly side of me and only showing my best side. It is all OK. She doesn't care what others think. I may not be able to change her world, but she has forever changed my life. I may never be able to be with her physically or sexually. I may never be able to marry her for reasons I can't explain right now, but I found something that transcends all of anything I can express in words; how I fell so deeply in love for the first time in my life. I've connected with a woman on a deeper level than I ever thought possible.
I know the years of sexual abuse and porn addiction has taken a toll on me, but just as I have faith in my children and this woman has faith in me. I've had faith in God to heal me and set me free from all the negative affects sexual sin has caused me, the sins of others against me and the sins against my own body, mind and soul.
So I say the love of this woman has done more for me in the past year than anything I've experienced previously all my life. Isn't that what the love of God does? It covers a multitude sins. The love of God has covered me."
REAL LOVE REFLECTS GOD.
REAL LOVE BRINGS A PERSON CLOSER TO GOD.
REAL LOVE MAKES A PERSON PRAISE GOD FOR YOU.
Definitely something to think about on this Valentine's Day.
Love to you.
SRW
Sunday, February 12, 2012
"On Fire": QUOTE OF THE DAY
This is a bit...startling.
That marriage, spiritually, appears to be on the "endangered species" list:
"The statistics are eye-opening. From 1970 through 2008, the U.S. marriage rate has declined from 76.5 to 37.4 marriages per 1,000 unmarried women. Not only is the marriage rate declining, but the rate of decline is accelerating. Creating a trend line, Martel comes up the astounding conclusion that if the current tendency continues, sometime between 2028 and 2034 the U.S. marriage rate will reach zero!
Preposterous? Of course. People will surely continue to get married. But we can't ignore the reality of the precipitous decline in the numbers of those choosing to walk down the bridal path.
In 1960, 72 percent of adults (over the age of 18) were married. According to Pew, the prestigious American research center, that number today is 51 percent, and five percent of that drop occurred between 2009 and 2010. Marriage rates declined even more for young adults. In 1960, 59 percent of people between the ages of 18 and 29 were married; today, it's only 20 percent. The average marrying age is 26.5 for women and 28.7 for men, compared to 20.3 and 22.8 in 1960."
One of the first gifts given to us was marriage. I think we lose sight of that more than we realize. I'm still processing this, but I do encourage us to pray for those who *are* married and for those who *desire* it. These stats, if nothing else, support the fact that marriage is under attack. On some many levels and for oh, so many reasons.
tmm,
SRW
That marriage, spiritually, appears to be on the "endangered species" list:
"The statistics are eye-opening. From 1970 through 2008, the U.S. marriage rate has declined from 76.5 to 37.4 marriages per 1,000 unmarried women. Not only is the marriage rate declining, but the rate of decline is accelerating. Creating a trend line, Martel comes up the astounding conclusion that if the current tendency continues, sometime between 2028 and 2034 the U.S. marriage rate will reach zero!
Preposterous? Of course. People will surely continue to get married. But we can't ignore the reality of the precipitous decline in the numbers of those choosing to walk down the bridal path.
In 1960, 72 percent of adults (over the age of 18) were married. According to Pew, the prestigious American research center, that number today is 51 percent, and five percent of that drop occurred between 2009 and 2010. Marriage rates declined even more for young adults. In 1960, 59 percent of people between the ages of 18 and 29 were married; today, it's only 20 percent. The average marrying age is 26.5 for women and 28.7 for men, compared to 20.3 and 22.8 in 1960."
One of the first gifts given to us was marriage. I think we lose sight of that more than we realize. I'm still processing this, but I do encourage us to pray for those who *are* married and for those who *desire* it. These stats, if nothing else, support the fact that marriage is under attack. On some many levels and for oh, so many reasons.
tmm,
SRW
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)