Monday, October 24, 2011

An Ounce of Prevention: "Prioritize Having a Healthy Relationship Instead of Focusing on 'Getting One' from a Reluctant Source"

This ain't your pastor's sermon but...

If you stay open, it will *surely* set the captives free! I simply adored these three points right here:

1) “Well, what I realize now is that I have never seen relationships with men in terms of what I wanted from a (any) relationship with a (any) man. I always saw relationships in terms of what I wanted from this (particular) relationship with this (particular) man, so that my desire for a relationship was always about a specific man to me and never about relationships in general or about men in general.”

2) If you check into a hotel today and complain about the lack of sea view even though you’re bang smack in the middle of a built up area, you’ve either got to accept that the view is the view, or move to a hotel closer to the beach. End of. In relationships, we become sidetracked because we think, unlike the view from the hotel, that we can change a person or that if we have feelings for them and want the relationship, they should give it, even if they act and say differently. Instead of knowing what you represent, what does and doesn’t work for you, your priorities etc, you meet someone and they become the vocation that you’re sinking all of your energy into. You don’t do your homework and find out if you have shared values, etc. – all you know is that you now want a relationship. In fact, it becomes “What values?” This is why I hear from so many women who became focused on getting one man or a series of men to give them relationships they weren’t giving, that are regretting not folding and feeling like they’ve ‘wasted’ their lives.

3)  Stop hammering your square peg and pinning your hopes for a relationship on a ‘type’ that may actually be working against one. Get happy with you, work out who you are and what’s important, and align yourself with a relationship that reflects this instead of only getting the ‘relationship erection’ when you know that one isn’t in the offing or having to ‘suffer’ for your mission. You can tell a lot about what someone truly wants and how they feel about themselves by the relationships they’re in and the people they claim to love. Fact is, if more of us prioritized our self-esteem and our true values, there’d be far less unavailable relationships! You’re the only person you’re in control of, so don’t stand in the way of your own progress.

Get free. GET. FREE!

You can check this article out out in its entirety here. Thanks, Ms. Natalie. Baggage RECLAIM fa sho!

tmm,

SRW

3 comments:

  1. Hey Shellie! I appreciate your heart for the Lord and your ministry. So, my accountability partner has struggled with porn for 11 years. He has seen many victories this past year with healing. Additionally, he has been dating one girl for several years. I am looking for resources or articles for his girlfriend through this process of healing. He is receiving much accountability and support but she doesn't know where to start or how to handle his impure choices during the healing process. I searched many places on xxxchurch and on here and I can't find resources or articles. Any suggestions or help? Thanks!

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  2. Hey Casey...

    You looked on X3Church? If you go to the main page, there is a "couples" section that may provide her with some support. As far as reading materials here are some links:

    http://www.amazon.com/Hope-After-Betrayal-Addiction-Marriage/dp/0825439353/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1315509318&sr=8-3

    http://www.amazon.com/False-Intimacy-Understanding-Struggle-Addiction/dp/1576830284/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1315509318&sr=8-5q

    http://www.amazon.com/Love-You-Hate-Porn-Relationship/dp/1606419366/ref=pd_sim_b_5

    http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Wounds-Sexual-Addiction-Laaser/dp/0310256577/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1315509318&sr=8-7

    http://www.amazon.com/Your-Sexually-Addicted-Spouse-Partners/dp/0882823094/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315509570&sr=1-5

    http://www.amazon.com/Surrender-All-Rebuilding-Ma rriage-Pornography/dp/1576837327/ref=pd_sim_b_5

    http://www.amazon.com/Porn-Trap-Essential-Overcoming-Pornography/dp/0061231878/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315509686&sr=1-2

    http://www.amazon.com/Healed-Without-Scars-David-Evans/dp/0883685426/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315509481&sr=1-1

    http://www.amazon.com/False-Roads-Manhood-Women-Understand/dp/0975521780/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315509512&sr=1-1

    http://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Sex-Spiritual-Celebration-Marriage/dp/1578564611/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315509542&sr=1-1

    Hope this helps!

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