Tuesday, November 22, 2011

An Ounce of Prevention: "Kermit the Frog Is a Terrible Boyfriend"

Yeah.

The title caught my attention. As I (initially) skimmed the piece, this quote roped me in: "He had the attitude women's magazines try to sell to its audience: that significant others are only the frosting on the cake of life. But everybody knows that cake without frosting is just a muffin."

CUTE.

And *then* I read all of it. There are some cuss words in it so the super-conservative, please look past the "word littering" so that you can see the overall landscape. This is a classic piece of narrative. Indeed, it is. Here's just an excerpt to sell my point:

"Remember how content Kermit was, just strumming his banjo on a tree trunk in the swamp? That's the guy I've chased my whole life, killing myself trying to show him how fabulous I am. Remember how, on The Muppet Show, Kermit used to politely laugh at Miss Piggy's pleas for some kissy-kissy, or fend off her jealousy after he flirted right in front of her? With Madeline friggin' Kahn? Kermit never appreciated what he had in Piggy, because she was just one great thing about his awesome life. He had the attitude women's magazines try to sell to its audience: that significant others are only the frosting on the cake of life. But everybody knows that cake without frosting is just a muffin.

Kermit never wanted to devote his life to making Piggy happy — he just wanted to host his show and enjoy hanging out with his friends. Anything more she'd ask of him would elicit a gulp. And just as I strove to emulate Piggy-resplendent in feather boas, lavender mules and rings over opera gloves — I wonder how many guys from my generation looked to Kermit as an example of what the coolest guy in the room looks like. How maybe they think it's fine to defer the advances of the fabulous women they know will always be there, while they dreamily pursue creative endeavors and dabble with other contenders. How maybe they learned the value of bromance from Kermit's constant emphasis on his obligations to his friends before his ball and chain. And how maybe they figured out that if you're soft-spoken and shy, but you know how to play a musical instrument, girls will come in droves. You just keep your creativity flowing and your guy friends close, and you'll have to beat the ladies down with a stick.

If Kermithood is the model of modern masculinity, it doesn't match the matehood expectations of a generation of Miss Piggys who, at least eventually, want more. Since we were little, we were taught that the only point of chasing frogs is the hope that they turn into men when you kiss them."


You can take it all in here.

Whew! And "whew!" again. It might be time to gear up for another Frog Fast (LOL). You can look at the left-hand side of the page for the details on that. *wink*

SRW

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