Wednesday, January 11, 2012

"On Fire": 10 QUESTIONS EVERY SINGLE WOMAN SHOULD ASK (AND ANSWER) HERSELF IN A RELATIONSHIP

"Now prepare yourself like a [wo]man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me."---Job 38:3(NKJV)

“Sometimes questions are more important than answers.”---Nancy Willard


I recently got hired to do some writing for a romance website. Currently, that's *really funny* to me because...let's just say that I'm transitioning and so romance is a quirky (yeah, quirky is a good word-LOL) concept for me. In this season. And yet it seems like the universe (and the God of it) has been encouraging me to press on...in this category. And so...I shall. Be ye not weary in well doing (Galatians 6:9), right? Amen. And amen.

Anyway, as I was exploring a topic to pen on earlier today, I thought about bullet point articles (you know the "7 Ways to..." and "10 Reasons Why..." kind). The many that I have read on the issue of relationships and how some of been really helpful, some have been utterly ridiculous and some...are just redundant.

As I was talking to the Comforter (John 14:16-AMP) about bullet point pieces segueing into Q&A articles, I was sharing with him the fact that I think there are a lot of matters-of-the-heart traps that single women fall into because they may read a lot of stuff in search of information, but they don't always ask themselves the right questions. The kind that will lead them to the wisdom, knowledge *and understanding* that they seek. And so, after chatting it up with the Spirit (John 4:24) a bit, here is the conclusion we came to---the 10 questions that, if single women *really sought the answers to*, it would help them to better guard their (heart), not enter into danger zones and therefore result in making more spiritually-responsible choices *before* selecting someone to date (court) so that they can maintain a high level of maturity throughout the relationship (and this is key) so that *purposeful progress* is made.

Drum roll, please (LOL):

1)  What is my *honest* reason for wanting a/this relationship right now? Is it *purposeful*? (Kingdom-building purposeful)


2) Am I emotionally and spiritually stable (i.e., healthy, self-aware) enough for a relationship? In this season.


3) How does the object of my affection (desire, attention) *add* to my life?


4) What Christ-like qualities (based on how the Word explains the nature of Christ to be) does he have and how does he model them to me? *Daily*. (List 10)


5) Does he want what I want? First, to please God (with or without me). Second, to remain sexually pure until marriage. And thirdly, to be in a marriage. THE COVENANT KIND. And did he feel this way prior to knowing me? Did he *live* this way prior to knowing me?


6) Do his weaknesses only make me weaker? In other words, do our strengths and weaknesses balance one another out? Do they help us to hold one another accountable?


7) Do I find myself making more sacrifices to make the relationship work than I should? And is it at the expense of not obeying my Father? (Remember it is better to *obey* than to *sacrifice*-I Samuel 15:22 and "more than you should" is more than you would for any other *friendship* since that is what you should be focusing on most with him at his time)


8) Am I denying the truth of the Lord's expectations of a godly relationship to remain in the one that I'm in, therefore, whether consciously or subconsciously, making this guy my idol? Am I *lying to myself* to stay in the relationship? WHAT AM I *DENYING MYSELF OF* TO STAY IN THE RELATIONSHIP?


9) In what ways have I seen my self spiritually *soar* since knowing him? In what ways am I stagnant? Or going backwards?


10) In being with this man, and perhaps someday marrying him, what kind of legacy will the two of us together leave for our future children? In other words, are we a *good* combination or is he just someone that I want to be with? Am I even looking for qualities that prove him to be a leader, a protector, a provider and a father? Is he the kind of person that can mentor a son and set an example for a daughter of what a godly man is to be?

Loaded questions. Yes, indeedy. But I think if you get out a journal and write this stuff out, it may surprise you (maybe good, maybe not so good but definitely progressive) what you discover. Sometimes, we're so busy being "in it" that we don't *really see* what we are (or are not) getting *out of it*. And if a relationship is not making you *better*, it's DEFINITELY one to *reconsider* on this side of jumping the broom. A man is to be *surplus* not a *void-filler*. No gods before God. NO GODS BEFORE GOD.

Enjoy the journey towards more discovery,

SRW

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