Monday, January 16, 2012

"On Fire": When a Relationship Dies, Where Does the Love Go?

"There are three things that are too hard for me, really four I don't understand: the way an eagle flies in the sky, the way a snake slides over a rock, the way a ship sails on the sea, and the way a man and a woman fall in love."---Proverbs 30:18-19(NCV)

(Disclaimer: This is for people in a *non-married* relationship. For married people, different rules and spiritual responsibilities---and blessings---apply.)


Yes, yes.

And the fact that King Solomon, the man who is arguably considered to be the wisest man in the world (I Kings 3), is saying that he doesn't understand the way that a man and woman fall in love with each other, that should *definitely* let us off of the hook from feeling crazy (or naive or stupid) when we're baffled by it! Before, during or after. A relationship.

I have stated on here on more than one occasion that I absolutely adore the Seventh-Day Sabbath (Friday sunset thru Saturday sunset- 20:8-11) and a big part of that is because since the Word, which is God (John 1:1), tells us that it is the day that the Most High *blessed* and *hallowed*, I believe there are special revelations that are given on it that do not come at any other time (kinda like how tithing brings about special rewards as well-Malachi 3). I also believe that's why the thief (John 10:10) has worked so hard at keeping *so many people* from honoring it.

But that's another message for another time.

Anyway, this past Sabbath the Comforter (John 14:16-AMP) and I were having a conversation about love. More specifically the wounds that often develop when a love relationship comes to an end. Real talk? Some romantic relationships end because they never should've started to begin with. Others end because of poor timing. Still some end because one of the partners decides to stop participating and believe you me, it is hard to do a relationship all by your lonesome. Yet no matter what the specific set of circumstances may be, when a person truly believes that they really did their best and a part of that was giving their best emotion, LOVE, it can be really hard to move past the pain once the journey ends (or reroutes...also another message for another time). Because after all...

"When a relationship dies, where does the love go?"

This was the question that I asked the Divine Spirit. I was a bit taken aback by his reply:

"Well, not many of you do it, but you should release those feelings back to us---the Godhead."

He then provided me a visual of a funeral. And things got really clear.

Ecclesiastes 9:5(NKJV) tells us, "For the living know that they will die; but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten." There's one valid argument for why dead people are not in heaven. Yet. Another is thanks to this verse in Scripture: "For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord." (I Thessalonians 4:15-17-NKJV) And Ephesians 5:14(NKJV) gives us yet another: "Therefore He says: 'Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.'" The dead know nothing. The dead in Christ will rise first (if dead people automatically went to heaven, why would Christ need to come back to get people who are already there?). The dead are asleep.

When we go to funerals, it's not actually a "Homegoing Service" because *only the Lord knows* (Romans 2:12-16, I Corinthians 4:5) who will be going to heaven or not. *After the Second Coming* (although it is nice to be as optimistic as possible!). No, what we are attending is a service to honor and celebrate the life (James 4:14) that the person lived *while here on earth*. And that is because they are *dead*: "no longer living" and "deprived of life". The spirit of a person returns to the Source (Genesis 2:7), but their vessel is asleep. Until God decides to resurrect them. Until the Source decides to give them their spirit back. Yet here's the catch: that's only *one definition* of "dead". There are a few others that explain what a lot of us go through when relationships, well...*die*:

Dead: no longer in use, valid, effective, or relevant; unresponsive or unaware; insensible; lacking in freshness, interest, or vitality; withered; faded

These are examples of how relationships die. Sometimes they are no longer effective or *relevant*. Sometimes people are involved with someone who decides to be unresponsive or unaware of what is needed for the relationship to thrive. Or survive. Sometimes someone in the relationship ceases to have any more interest. Sometimes relationships simply fade away.

You know, John 4:24 tells us that God is Spirit. I John 4:16 tells us that God is love.

Do you know what the "Whoa God! Do it God!" revelation was for me? In all of this?

I thought about the funerals that I've attended (more than my fair share, *trust me*) and how I had always had a peace because I understood that the spirit of the person went back to God. Even when my fiance' died, I understood this to be true. There was nothing that I could do about that fact and I certainly did miss him, yet there was also an unexplainable peace in it all. Honestly, I always felt really bad and a bit confused and uncomfortable for the people in the funeral services who just couldn't seem to let go of the person in the casket...*literally*.

They were dead. Those that loved them, in order for them to continue living, *had to be let go*.

Then I thought about my past relationships. How, honestly, I have clowned just as badly as those folks at those funerals because I wasn't willing to accept the relational death that had taken place. And it showed by the fact that I kept loving with the same focus and fervency as I had when the relationship was *alive*:

Alive: in a state of action; in force or operation; active; full of energy and spirit; lively; alert or sensitive to; aware of; in existence

Ecclesiastes 7:18(Message) tells us that, "It's best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue. A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it." The reality check here is that when *both partners* are not being *active* in a relationship, when they both are not being alert, sensitive to and aware of one another's needs, it ceases to be in the kind of existence that a *happy, healthy and whole* relationship is supposed to be and so yes, there is a death. And yet, when you're used to loving so much and sometimes for so long, wisdom is teaching me that often the pain goes deeper after the fact all because you don't allow that love to transition. Into something else. Into the blaring fact that:

Love that is needed to keep something alive is not the same kind of love we should be expressing once something is dead.

"Shellie, just like a dead person's spirit goes back to me, when a relationship comes to an end, one of the first prayer requests that you should make is for me to give you the strength, grace and faith to give your love back to me. Love comes from me. I am the Source and only I can resurrect the dead. *Any dead*. And only if I so choose. You won't be able to let go, fully heal and move forward unless you really rest in the understanding of that fact."

Hold a funeral for a relationship to honor the life that once *was*.

Then remember that love, godly love, isn't a past tense experience. God IS love.

Therefore, when a relationship transitions, so does the love. The love itself doesn't die, but in giving it back to the Source, it is given the miraculous ability to change form so that the love isn't tainted and the heart is given real space and freedom to be restored. In order to embrace something new.

Something that's...*alive*.

Whether it's resurrecting a past relationship or embarking upon something totally new. Again, because God IS love, God IS spirit, it's something that needs to be left, totally, in his hands.

Yep. There's no tellin' how much grief, pun intended, I could've spared myself had I thought to talk to the Godhead about this *years* ago, but praise them now for *loving me*, *LOVING US*, enough to tell us in this season. At this very moment.

In life, there is death. Therefore, relationships do die sometimes. But don't let the love be harmed by it.

Give it back to God. Let him transform it and you.

And watch the kind of LIFE that comes as a result.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."---Psalm 147:3(NKJV)

And God does it for a reason. And a purpose.

God IS love. He's *always* loving and working that love for our good. In the present. That's what "is" means.

Prayin' for the hurting this week...

SRW

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