Sunday, March 18, 2012

"On Fire": Are You a "Love" Addict?

Last week...

I was reading an article about a certain celebrity and a quote that a friend of hers made re: her relationship cycle: “The thing that I always sort of wished is that she would give herself time to just naturally meet someone, instead of having obsessive guys pursue her…The ease which that obsession becomes a relationship I think sometimes works against her ability to have a real meaningful relationship.”

Proverbs 27:6(NKJV) tells us, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." I can only imagine how many women would be spared a lot of...unnecessary-ness, if they had someone in their life to say (*or they actually listened to them when they said*), "Why are you always going from crush to crush or man to man?", "How is it that *every* guy you meet that gives you even a little bit of attention is 'the one'?", "Have you ever taken the time out to realize that all of your relationships basically (start and) end the same way?"

And so, as I processed all of this, I went to look up signs and symptoms of what is known as LOVE ADDICTION. Some of the questions are quite telling:

*You are very needy when it comes to relationships.

*You fall in love very easily and too quickly.
*When you fall in love, you can’t stop fantasizing—even to do important things. You can’t help yourself.
*Sometimes, when you are lonely and looking for companionship, you lower your standards and settle for less than you want or deserve.
*When you are in a relationship, you tend to smother your partner.
*More than once, you have gotten involved with someone who is unable to commit—hoping he or she will change.
*Once you have bonded with someone, you can’t let go.
*When you are attracted to someone, you will ignore all the warning signs that this person is not good for you.
*Initial attraction is more important to you than anything else when it comes to falling in love and choosing a partner. Falling in love over time does not appeal to you and is not an option.
*When you are in love, you trust people who are not trustworthy. The rest of the time you have a hard time trusting people.

And that was just the first 10 of 40 points (you can check out the rest of them here)! Then I read an article from a woman who considered herself to have once been a love addict: I really respected how she processed this part of her cycle:

"Though sex was certainly part of my addiction, my primary addiction was love. While I wasn't sleeping my way through as many men as possible, as some sex addicts do, I was completely infatuated with the men who came into my life. I was like a naive teenager in a woman's body, obsessing about men and my own desire to be the perfect girlfriend, believing that this would make men love me. I was addicted to the initial high you get in those first few weeks and months of a relationship. That was my drug, my euphoria."

She was like a naive teenager in a woman's body. I'll be penning a piece on spiritual pedophilia pretty soon, but isn't it amazing how offended we are when grown women sleep with young boys and yet, spiritually, so many women do it on an emotional level by becoming intimate with the immature? Some gravitate towards, others full-on pursue and then there are those that are completely obsessed with guys in the state of spiritual arrested development. What does a 30-year-old woman want with a 15-year-old boy? Good question. At the same time, "What does a spiritually mature woman need with a spiritually dwarfed man? What is *that* the guy that she goes after or is flattered by when he comes after her?" Looks can be deceiving. Oftentimes people only *appear* to be at a certain level of maturity.

And the thing about an addict is that denial tends to be their coping mechanism. They have an explanation, defense, justification for every single guy and every single choice; sadly, the "love high" is so over-the-top that they are willing to risk...whatever (time, energy, body, emotions...did I say *TIME*) to deal with any potential lows (and the lows are usually *pretty low*).

I'm still unpacking all of this, but in the spirit of *springing forward*, if you do see yourself in any of this PSA, there is a book that the Spirit led me to this morning that you might want to check out (after going through those 40 items) entitled, "Love Addicted: One Woman's Spiritual Journey Through Emotional Dependency" by Deborah M. Ricks.

God did not create us to be *dependent* on anyone but him. In healthy relationships, *interdependence*, with the top priority of becoming more like Elohim, is what should be the result.

Besides,  if it's *really love*, what will happen is that you will find yourself *elevating* into more of your purpose, your passion, your best self.  "To habituate or abandon (oneself) to something compulsively or obsessively" is something that won't even be an issue.

God is speaking,



  1. Thank you very much ma'am. Copped the book: read it from start to finish saved me from entering into another wrong ya Shellie!!

  2. This is awesome Shellie!!! Thank you so much for sharing this and I am processing all this information..Whew!!! GOD is definitely speaking!!

  3. This is a lot to process. I just found your blog after reading your article on Relevant magazine concerning your book 'Inside of Me'. I can so relate to your walk. So this is just so overwhelming that there is someone out there who could fully understand what I have been through, and all the struggles to be pure that sometimes leave me falling flat on my face. I am about to check out the Love Addict page. To be honest I am so tired of this fight and this walk because it keeps getting harder. God keeps revealing more and more stuff that is wrong with me inside. In a way it's great coz it shows me why I've been failing all along...coz I've been tackling the wrong problems. But I keep wondering just how long the process will take. I want to be free NOW. I'm tired. But I can't give up. I know that.
    Don't worry, I just needed to vent that.
    Thank you so much for ministering to me. God bless you.

  4. Wordsmith,

    Hit me up at

    Lets talk "off the grid", OK?