Thursday, April 19, 2012

An Ounce of Prevention: "When a Man Tells You He Doesn't Want to Get Married Believe Him..."

Speaking of an ounce of prevention, this gets a straight up copy and paste:

"When a Man Tells You He Doesn't Want to Get Married Believe Him..."

… Men are straight forward beings. They’re not really into verbal manipulation and double meanings. So ladies, if you are dating a man and he very plainly tells you that he doesn’t want to get married, he doesn’t want to get married and he’s not waiting for you to try and change his mind.

It’s easy to cling to the hope that maybe he just doesn’t want to get married right now while you continue to get emotionally invested. Maybe after two or three years together he will suddenly change his mind, you think. Once he sees how wonderful you are, you rationalize.

Ask any married men about their wives and the first time they met them. Usually the memory is recalled with a smile and a mention of “just knowing” she was the one. I’ve yet to have a man tell me he firmly told his wife he didn’t want to get married but she hung around anyway and wore down his resistance.

Another instance that causes much confusion in the smitten hearts of women is the man who solemnly swears to never marry… then marries the next girl he goes out with. The problem here is the incomplete sentence. When a man gives you the “I don’t want to get married” line quietly finish his sentence in your head, “I don’t want to get married … to you“. Then repeat it to yourself as many times as needed to make it firmly sink in.

Ouch. I know. I’ve been on the receiving end of this on more than one occasion. It happens to the best of us. But it’s better to take his statement at the face value in which it was intended than dwell in the land “maybe he’ll change his mind” and waste your valuable time and energies.

Next time you hear this statement don’t get offended at his honesty but also don’t go into denial that he just hasn’t experienced your mind changing awesomeness either. Graciously and sincerely state you have different long term plans and wish him well.

Should you continue to date him? If you plan on getting married, NO! However, if you can legitimately accept that you will not get married to this person, and are not just saying that because you don’t want to lose him, and you can be happy settling for being forever a girlfriend never a bride, then you knock yourself out.

Now ask me if you try and remain friends. Again, NO!

Hanging around in the friend zone risks your dignity. Are you settling for friendship in hopes that once he knows you better he’ll see what a fool he’s been? Yeah, maybe if life were a Hollywood movie where things are resolved in 120 minutes.

Ask yourself, are you willing to watch him date other women and eventually go on to get married despite all his past protest? Because that is the fate that typically awaits women willing to settle for friendship with a man they once dated.

I know this probably sounds all terribly unromantic and cynical but believe me, this is a positive message. Don’t waste time on a man who at best can offer you a “maybe” to having a future with him. If he can be honest with you, then it’s worth it to be honest with yourself.



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