"Men, who care, will care. This is the first rule to remember."---Greg Wendland
There's a relatively new program on TV One called Love Addiction. I checked out the first couple of episodes because relationships and therapy are two things that tend to hold my attention. Long story short, I can't tell you the last...*anything on television* (that's new) that I've watched consecutively (honestly, I kept TV One to watch Unsung from time to time and reruns of A Different World, so this was a pleasant surprise).
Anyway, there was one episode, in particular, in which a woman's "boyfriend" was *totally inattentive*. So much to the point that (what?!?) *when her father died*, although he told her that he was on his way to console her, he (come again?!?) remained in the music studio to write what, *ironically*, sounded like a love song.
As the therapist assigned to the situation was speaking on the matter, he said a few things that I jotted down; things that I think are caution signs for *any woman* who is in, let's call it "a situation" with *any man* ('cause I kinda doubt it's an actual relationship):
Flag #1: "By doing too much, you stop the other person from doing what they need to do in the relationship."
Flag #2: "If they're not doing the things that you need, then they're the wrong one."
Flag #3: "When a guy's actions show 'I'm not interested', that's an indication of the relationship." (That he's also not interested in providing the relationship with what it needs.)
There was something else that he said that also caught my attention *especially* because, in times past, I have found myself in this kind of trap. Also, it made me think of how Satan manipulates Genesis 2:18(NKJV): "And the Lord God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.'" In explaining why this particular woman was always finding herself in this kind of situation, he said:
"She's a helper and so she attracts men that need help. So, when she expects him to help her, she's asking him to act out of character."
That's something that some of you may need to sit and marinate on for a while (I know *I* did!) because basically what he's saying is that she attracts the kind of men who have *no intention* (whether consciously or subconsciously) of giving in the relationship. She helps, *she actually OVER-HELPS*, to the point of enabling him, which, in turn, handicaps the relationship. He's not being a full man or lover in the relationship and so, when she stops working in this capacity, the relationship (again...?!?) proves to be ineffective.
The guy had no intention on helping her out. He was perfectly fine being the one on the receiving end. *Always*.
*Trust me*, after that episode, I was *fired up* and ready to pen this message. Or...at least *I thought* that I was. Hmph. Timing *is* the Father's business and what he does *is* give us the Holy Spirit in the meantime (Acts 1:7-Message). I didn't have total peace about writing it and so I put the quotes into a draft. I now see that there was one more episode of the show and a quote from another throwback sitcom that had to be thrown into the mix...*first*.
The next episode was about a woman who was dating a club promoter. *His lifestyle totally contradicts a monogamous relationship* (something else some women should duly note when it comes to their own particular "man of interest"). As some of this woman's friends were talking about the excessive flirting, his late hours and his lack of total commitment into the relationship, the therapist said one more thing that's relevant to this message that also stood out to me:
Flag #4: "She's in denial for the sake of keeping the relationship."
She's in "disbelief in the existence or reality of a thing". She's in "refusal to recognize or acknowledge it" as well. We know that denial, *on any level and in any case*, is not of God because the Word, which is Adonai (John 1:1), clearly tells us that "It's best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue. A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it." (Ecclesiastes 7:18-Message) Don't let the Liar (continue to-John 8:44) deceive you; don't let him allow you to tolerate people deceiving you with what Ephesians 5:6 calls "empty words" (love that!).
FAITH IS GOD DOES NOT COME AT THE PRICE OF BEING IN DENIAL ABOUT THE CHARACTER OF MANKIND. ANOTHER DEFINITION OF DENIAL IS "REFUSAL TO BELIEVE A DOCTRINE, THEORY OR THE LIKE". *BIBLICAL DOCTRINE* TELLS US TO DEAL WITH "THE STATE OF THINGS AS THEY ARE OR APPEAR TO BE, RATHER THAN AS ONE MIGHT WISH THEM TO BE".
FAITH DOESN'T NEGATE REALITY. FAITH MOVES PEOPLE FROM BELIEVING FOR WHAT THEY WANT TO TRUSTING GOD TO PROVIDE FOR THEIR NEEDS (MARK 11:22).
Just as I am penning this, something else is coming to mind that the therapist asked one of these ladies
Flag #5: "Are you even equipped to pick?"
And isn't *that* a loaded question? Why? It's because of the fact that if a lot of us accepted the free-setting truth (John 8:32), we would admit that we're not "prepared" or "furnished with the intellectual or emotional resources" at this time; that if we can *totally relate* to this posting, then we need to accept the message that we're getting from men---something that is similar to what I heard Overton say on a Living Single episode once upon a time: "You're not useless. I just don't have any use for you right now."
A LOT OF WOMEN BELIEVE THAT IF THEY JUST *DO ENOUGH*, SOMEDAY THE GUY WILL *BE ENOUGH* FOR THEM. BUT OVERTON IS SPOT ON. BEING A HELPMATE IS NOT JUST ABOUT SHOWCASING OUR CAPABILITIES, BUT ABOUT TWO PEOPLE BEING IN THE RIGHT SPIRITUAL ENVIRONMENT AND TIMING AS WELL.
*EVERY WOMAN IS BEAUTIFUL AND USEFUL AND A BLESSING*...BUT WHEN IT COMES TO HER BELOVED, SHE HAS TO BE RECEIVED BY HIM AT A *GOD-ORDAINED TIME*. BEFORE THEN, MORE TIMES THAN NOT, SHE PROVES TO BE NOTHING MORE THAN A BURDEN. USUALLY BECAUSE HE'S NOT PREPARING HIMSELF TO EMBRACE THE *RESPONSIBILITY* THAT COMES WITH BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. OTHER THINGS ARE *WEIGHING ON HIS MIND*. SO MUCH SO THAT HE'S NOT DESIRING ANYTHING PUSHING ON HIS HEART.
This too is biblical. Adam shows us one case of it because although the Master Creator *brought* the Woman (*his wife*) to him, he *praised her as being so upon seeing her*. He didn't pursue her, but she didn't have to tell him who she was, either (Nowhere do we see the Woman saying, "I'm your wife. God told me so.". When his "dream state" became his reality, he was prepared for it (Genesis 2:18-25).
We see this again when it comes to Boaz and Ruth. She too was "presented" (in a "pursuit of Naomi and her own kind of way"-LOL) and while Boaz was initially focused on other things, *when the time was right*, he also received her. He didn't say, "You're so good at serving me, I think I'll let you be my girlfriend." No, he said that because of her servant heart *he would do all that SHE requested*. In her *giving*, he would give *in return*.
As I'm praying for some of the women on the "Mother's Day fast message", as I'm doing my own kind of "fear fast", I sense that there is going to be a *great shifting* that a lot of women on "On Fire" will experience, if they are open to it, regarding this kind of message.
I'm not released to speak more on this *at this time*, but I do want to encourage you to process the bottom line:
WOMEN ARE GIFTS FROM GOD. A HELPMATE IS BROUGHT TO A MAN TO HELP HIM. BECAUSE OF THESE TWO REASONS ALONE, SHE DESERVES TO BE *WELL-RECEIVED*.
THEREFORE, A GODLY WOMAN DOESN'T HAVE TO MANIPULATE, SEDUCE, COERCE, OVEREXTEND, BEG, NAG, GIVE ULTIMATUMS, THREATEN, ACT TOO DEPENDENT OR CODEPENDENT, COMPETE, SACRIFICE HER OWN GIFTS AND CALLINGS (THAT'S KEY!!!) OR *BREAK GOD'S LAWS OR STANDARDS* IN ORDER TO RECEIVE WHAT SHE DESIRES AND DESERVES FROM HER (FUTURE) BELOVED. IF SHE'S DOING *ANY OF THESE THINGS*, IT'S EITHER BECAUSE HE'S THE WRONG MAN OR IT'S THE WRONG TIME. *EITHER WAY, IT'S STILL WRONG*.
Well, I need to get off of here and do some penning in another "lane". But my prayer for *all of the ladies* on "On Fire" this week will be that they will *well-receive* God and themselves so that they will even know when they are being *well-received* by the man that God has for them. The picture at the top of this posting will give you some kind of indication if what you're in (or contemplating getting in) is on the right track...
Towards "Mr. Right", "Mr. Wrong" or..."Mr. Wrong Timing".
WELL-RECEIVED. THAT IS THE KEY TO THE "FRUITFUL COURTSHIP DOOR".