Monday, July 9, 2012

An Ounce of Prevention: "Choosing a Good Husband: A Guide for Christian Women"


So anyway...

I was skimming an online study with the title of the this blog earlier this evening and I like *a lot* of what I found in it. It's actually broken down into 12 different parts. The intro starts like this:

A partnership may be either a very good thing or a very bad thing. If partners are well matched and work together for a common goal, they each share in the good results of their efforts. If partners do not work well together and have conflicting interests, either one or both will be stuck with his or her portion of an unhappy outcome.

Marriage is a partnership that God intends to last for a lifetime. It is, therefore, extremely important to choose a life partner with whom one is well matched. But how can a Christian woman be sure that the man she marries will be a “good” choice?

Because people may change over the course of time—either for the better or for the worse—there is no fool-proof way to assure a good marriage. But there are some observations a woman can make during courtship or dating and some questions she should ask which may help to reduce her risk of entering into an unhappy partnership for life. In this study, we will look at qualities and behaviors in a man that make him a good risk for Christian marriage as well as qualities and behaviors that serve as warning flags of poor husband material.

The 12 parts are as follows (these are excerpts; it's *far more extensive*):

"Love and Joy": A woman needs to hear a man’s love expressed to her in words and see it evidenced in his actions. Watch for words and actions that specifically communicate love to you when you are being courted by a man. If he expects them from you but does not give them to you in return, he is using you to build his ego rather than valuing you as a person.

"Peace and Patience": A man who is at peace with God should also be a peacemaker. This may involve both maintaining peace in his own relationships and helping to establish or sustain peace among other people.

"Kindness and Goodness": If he expects you to kindly and sacrificially look out for his interests, but he does not do the same for you, think carefully about your willingness to live with that before you commit to a permanent relationship. Most people have rather strong tendencies to be self-focused and to want to receive more kindness than they give, but watch for evidence of growth in this area in the man you are considering.

"Faithfulness": The man who is amused by the thrill of getting away with something that is unethical, against the rules, or against the law has a predisposition toward foolishness and a disregard for authority that is likely to lead him into secret sexual relationships outside of his marriage. Avoid aligning yourself with such a man. He is a prime candidate for the lie, “Sex isn’t as much fun if you’re married; a secret relationship is more exciting.”
"Gentleness and Self-Control": Do not be deceived into thinking that a man who is harsh or violent in his treatment of other people will not eventually treat you in the same way. Being “in love” is only a temporary cushion from established negative behavior patterns. Do not marry a man who treats other people in a way that would be offensive or hurtful if it were you—in time, it will be you.

"Talk": A charming man is one who has a compelling attraction about him. His personality and his “fervent” words please and soothe people. If his charm is coupled with a sincere and honest heart, such a man will have many friends and can be delightful to live with. Because charm tends to inspire confidence and trust from other people, it can be a great asset to a man who uses it to influence people for good.

Unfortunately, charm can also be used to disguise evil intent and to deceive and manipulate people in ways that are not for their good. If you have heard your boyfriend use charming words to deceive someone else, be suspicious of the charming words he speaks to you. There’s a good chance they are not sincere.

"Reputation and Friends": God is in the business of transforming people, so it is not always fair to assume that a man who did not walk in integrity as a child or youth will not have changed. Still, it is a good idea to consider what people who have known him for a long time think of him and to watch for signs of bad behavior patterns that may still linger.

"Attitudes: Part 1:": A tranquil spirit can also be termed contentment. It is not the same as lack of initiative or choosing to settle for less than what we want or need because we don’t want to work for it. That is laziness.

Contentment is, rather, a willingness to be satisfied when we have done our best, without comparing our circumstances to others’.

"Attitudes: Part 2:":  The Bible does not indicate that there is any particular advantage to living with little or to living with much. Neither lifestyle is more holy than the other. God clearly indicates that bad attitudes and evil practices concerning money define an unholy lifestyle more than the amount of money a man earns.

"Relationships with God and with Parents": Pay careful attention to how your boyfriend talks about and responds to the Bible. If he frequently complains about things he doesn’t like in it or picks apart the way it is written (e.g., the apostle Paul’s long run-on sentences) instead of looking for its meaning and how it should apply to him, there could be a serious problem in his relationship with the Lord.

"Other Relationships": Every life has moments of stress and sadness. Sometimes a cheerful word, a little humor, or a lighthearted song will lift a person out of a gloomy mood and help him or her to feel better. But in many situations of severe loss, worry, or disappointment—when someone has what the writer of Proverbs calls “a heavy heart” and needs comfort and caring—levity can actually serve to make that person feel worse instead of better. By the time a boy reaches adulthood, he should be able to discern the difference in what people need.

"Issues for Agreement": Two people will never be in total agreement about everything, but in a good marriage, the couple need to agree about the most important issues and be willing to let their partners differ on lesser issues.

It really is worth spending some time on and sharing with your other single friends. You can check the rest of it out here.

Enjoy. *Truly*.


1 comment:

  1. Awesome. Really worth reading and pondering.