Saturday, August 11, 2012

"On Fire": "It's Complicated." (Or Are You Just Complicating It?)





“I do want to point out, friends, that time is of the essence. There is no time to waste, so don't complicate your lives unnecessarily. Keep it simple —in marriage, grief, joy, whatever. Even in ordinary things—your daily routines of shopping, and so on. Deal as sparingly as possible with the things the world thrusts on you. This world as you see it is on its way out.”---I Corinthians 7:29-31(Message)


I'll tell you what. They seem to have a day for *everything*. For instance, I just learned that September 17 is "Past Loves Day" and you all should know me (as it relates to this blog) well enough by now to know that it has *truly inspired* me to do a little project with the "On Fire" gals (the ones who are willing, that is).

But let's start here first...

This morning, I was awakened to an interesting two-word statement after praying for the ladies on here. It's the status that I would oftentimes see people put on their FB (back when I was on FB) profile page under their relationship status: "It's Complicated". Trust me, in my past life (2 Corinthians 5:17), I was in enough "non-relationship relationships" to read the subtext of that statement. Translation: "I'm in something that's confusing as crap, but I'm thinking that if I stay in it long enough, it will start to make sense."

Um. Well. See...um...

And then I read these two sentences in two different articles in direct reference to "It's Complicated":

I am now fully convinced that the “It’s Complicated” relationship status on Facebook is a way of instantly declaring yourself as a serious Red Flag.

In declaring your relationship status as "It's Complicated" are things actually complicated? Or are they only confusing because you're still into him? There's no need to publicly mourn the loss of your relationship. If you're tempted to post sappy lyrics or bitter, pointed quotes, take a break from social networks until you've calmed down. 

Oh, and please allow me to add one:

If you have to explain your relationship as being "It's Complicated", could it be because while he is showing you that he doesn't want to commit, you are showing him that you will wait until he changes his mind? Even though, he never told you that he would. Or wants to. Or even should, for that matter.

Complicated. Just by its very definition, it means "composed of elaborately interconnected parts; complex" and "difficult to analyze, understand, explain, etc." Yet here's the thing about a *healthy love relationship*. In I Corinthians 14:33, although it is speaking in the context of the Church and believers, I also believe that it applies to everything about who God is. It says that God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. This means that God does not *make*, *create* or *originate* ANYTHING that is filled with "chaos" and "disorder" nor anything that has a "lack of clearness or distinctness". *We do that all on our own* and wisdom and understanding (Proverbs 4:7) have *finally* taught me (because I have *finally* been willing to shut up and listen!) that love is not chaotic or unclear. So, if I find myself in something that I would define as being that way, then I need to step back (literally) and ponder (Proverbs 4:26) some things.

Next up.

I was *so thrilled* when the Holy Spirit (John 14:26-AMP) decided to explain the Fruit of the Spirit to me as a juice box some months ago. I believe that he did it for a couple of reasons. For one, it's not listed as the *Fruits* of the Spirit. In other words, you are not supposed to be able to separate the nine of them any easier than you can take a strainer and separate the ingredients in a container of juice. And the other reason is because whenever you read the ingredients on the back of any kind of food product, it's listed in the "order of importance". Meaning, if water is the first thing listed on a juice container, that is what the item has the most of. If high fructose corn syrup is, then it's sugar instead. So, in looking at the Fruit of the Spirit, let's revisit its *divine order*: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. The Fruit of the Spirit "juice box" has love in it more than anything else, but right behind it is joy and peace.

So where am I going with that? Well, in our relationships with other people, there should be love present, yes. However, I Corinthians 14:33 tells us that God is the author of peace. He makes, creates and originates peace. Your love relationship should have *peace* as well. It's a clear indicator that God is involved in it. And the other "whammy" (LOL)? Do you see the "ingredient" in the Fruit of the Spirit that comes after "love" and before "peace"? It is *joy*.

IN A LOVE RELATIONSHIP, IN ORDER FOR IT TO BE A *PEACEFUL* ONE, JOY SHOULD BE A PART OF IT. *MORE JOY THAN PEACE*, ACTUALLY!

And honestly, how many people do you know who say in reference to their relationships being *complicated* who seem to have a lot of *joy* about that fact? Let alone having any peace.

IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS UNCLEAR, *STEP BACK* SO THAT THE LORD CAN *CLEAR IT UP FOR YOU*. ONE WAY THAT HE WILL LET YOU KNOW WHAT PATH TO TAKE IS BY BRINGING LOVE, JOY AND PEACE INTO YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. SOMETIMES, THAT WILL COME AT THE EMOTIONAL EXPENSE OF LEAVING THAT PERSON ALONE. SOMETIMES FOR A SEASON. SOMETIMES FOR THIS LIFETIME. THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT WILL HELP YOU TO KNOW WHICH.

And so, here's the project. In the honor of your future husbands having as few obstacles and hindrances to deal with in getting to you ('cause no godly man is going to remain in a confused set of circumstances), if you read this and you sense that either you are not over a past love or it's time to change your "It's Complicated" status to *Single*, shoot me an email (missnosipho@gmail.com). Between now and "Past Loves Day" we're going to work on a little something, especially crafted just for you. I have shared on many occasions that I *love* a particular love quote by an author by the name of Leo Buscaglia:

"As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming."

And when you look at your relationship *that way*...suddenly, it's really not all that *complicated* anymore, is it?

tmm,

SRW

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