So, it's Tennessee State University's Homecoming Weekend here and as I was doing a "run through" in the mall (it's a good place to power walk without feeling like you're *power walking*), it was interesting how the Spirit presented a lot of the women walking past me...to me. The bodies were more like hangers and it was the clothing that was, well, illuminated.
I promise you that I saw more shorts that looked like panties and tops that looked like negligees. As I was processing what the Spirit wanted me to see, I heard him say: "When you dress like sex, you get treated like sex. People go into lingerie stores 'to play'. People go into clothing stores to actually live their lives...out in the open."
I got the hint. When you go into a department store or a Ralph Lauren or Ann Taylor, you're thinking of rocking those clothes out in public---ou want to be taken seriously. When you go to Victoria's Secret or Frederick's of Hollywood, well, you tend to have something more "Let's keep this between us" in mind.
Hmph. I wonder if women/girls actually think about that when they get dressed. That when they are wearing "not much", they are like the lingerie store: a guy may approach them, but he has the "Let's keep this between us" (SEX) on his agenda. But when they present themselves as "take me seriously", that, more times than not, is just what happens.
You know, more and more I get why the Word, which is Adonai (John 1:1) tells us this: "For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God..." (I John 3:19-NKJV) As the world promotes casual sex (the ultimate oxymoron, by the way), women seem to line up for the misconception, the myth...*the lie* that they can devalue themselves by participating in fornication/adultery (Hebrews 13:4) and yet a man somehow a man will "appraise" (play on words) them in response. More and more, I get why grandma said that if you want a man to respect you, *to really respect you*, you shouldn't have sex with him outside of marriage. And, on this side of healing, I also get it doesn't really matter what you *say*. When you value you, *when you really value you*, the Roy Disney quote will ring true in your actions: "It's not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are."
IT'S NOT (AS) HARD TO TELL A MAN "ABSOLUTELY NOT" WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE VALUABLE---THAT JUST AS THE WORD SAYS, "YOU WERE BOUGHT WITH A PRICE AND SO YOU SHOULD *HONOR GOD* WITH YOUR BODY." (AND YOUR HEART, MIND AND SOUL-I CORINTHIANS 6:20, MARK 12:30)
Besides, just look at what casual sex is *really saying* (I pulled this from an article about the so-called "10 Commandments of Casual Sex"...bless the author's heart-LOL...SMH):
1. Booty Not Brains: Do not choose a casual sex partner on anything other than physical attraction and sexual chemistry.
2. Best friend? Don’t even think about it! If you’re sleeping together and you’re best friends, you’re in a relationship. It is impossible not to mix the emotional, mental and physical in this situation. The friendship will NEVER be the same again.
3. Know Your Motives: Casual sex because you enjoy sex and want to get laid = awesome. Casual sex because you have something to prove = skanky.
4. Orgasms Only: Should you be an ice [fill in the blank] and show him the door as soon as you’ve finished? No. But be careful with cuddling. There’s nothing nicer than being wrapped up in affection, but that’s the attention you get from a boyfriend. Orgasms should be the only thing you want from the casual man.
5. Don’t Introduce Him to Friends: Unless he is coming to meet you at 3am and your friends are still around, he doesn’t need to meet them or be integrated into your life in any way.
6. Be naked 97% of the Time: This is about sex! No need to plan an outfit (unless you’re getting theatrical -- see commandment 8), because it should be almost immediately stripped from you.
7. Don’t be Selfish: Casual sex can only exist if both parties want the same thing. Using someone for sex who has real feelings for you makes you an [fill in the blank].
8. Thou Shalt Get Freaky: Why the [fill in the blank] not? You literally have nothing to lose. Send inhibitions to the wind, try out new moves and play out your naughty fantasies. 9 times out of 10, he will love it. And if he doesn’t, he’s not serving his sexual purpose. Replace him.
9. Wrap It Up: By definition this relationship is NOT exclusive. He is more than likely sleeping with other people even if he is polite enough to lie about it. Better safe than sorry.
10. Straightforward, Direct Communication: Casual relationships are designed to be temporary, so there’s really no harm in full disclosure if/when one of you meets someone else. If you follow the 10 commandments, no one’s feelings should get hurt.
Wow. OK. Um...well...see, there's a few points that need to be made here:
1) I have written two books that put that last point to shame. Most of my partners were "casual" and *each time*, one way or another, someone's feelings ended up getting hurt (even if it was simply due to the fact that the friendship was ruined, so yes, she does have a bit of a point with #2). That's because the Word *clearly tells us* that "There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, 'The two become one.' Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never 'become one.'” (I Corinthians 6:16-17-Message)
2) Casual sex is a dumb term. It means "without definite or serious intention; careless or offhand; passing". Giving your body to a person who has no definite or serious intention with and for you? That's entering really closely into "I Corinthians 7:23" territory in the sense of putting yourself through a lot of energy for basically...nothing: "You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men." OK, and for the gals reading this who are on some, "I'm not promiscuous *like that*. I only have sex with my boyfriend or fiance'", sorry but you're not exempt. When I Corinthians 6:18(NKJV) says, "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body", there is no number attached to that *or* relational status.
FORNICATION IS FORNICATION WHETHER IT'S BETWEEN A PROSTITUTE AND A CLIENT OR TWO ENGAGED PEOPLE.
GOD *IS* GOING TO JUDGE IT EITHER WAY.
3) The *same* body parts that it takes to engage in "casual sex" are the *same* body parts that engage in covenant intimacy. Although one's emotions can *heighten* a sexual experience for sure, just because you decide to call it "casual" doesn't mean that your body gets the message. If you want to jack your emotions up, sex without covenant will sho 'nuf do it because your body is thinking, "Oh, so we belong to this person. OK. I'm here...I'm hooked...*I'm all in*." (I Corinthians 7:4) Even once the other person is *all out*. (Pun intended, actually.)
Yeah, but that's not all that the Spirit downloaded into me.
See, the reason why this message has the title that it does is because as I was walking some more, I heard the Spirit say, "You know, fornication is so *tacky*." I asked for him to expound and *boy...did he*:
"Shellie, you've worked retail before. When someone goes into an expensive shop to purchase something that they can't really afford but they just have to have it and so they buy it and then bring it back, what do you call that? Tacky, right? When women fornicate that's *just* what they're allowing the man to do: Have them and then return them once they're done because they either can't afford or don't want to pay the price for covenant. And because a woman didn't value herself enough to say 'no', they end up being disillusioned at best and devastated at the worst. They come to me wanting me to get involved when they didn't really consider me and my laws, my standards, *my boundaries* to begin with.
You see, a part of the reason why I require marriage is because with it comes a *marriage license*...paperwork. In the retail world, that would be the equivalent of a receipt. If a woman did things my way, then a guy wouldn't be able to get away with that kind of scheme because the receipt, *the marriage license*, clearly says: "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." (Matthew 19:5-6-NKJV) When I get involved, when *marriage* takes place (not engagement, *marriage*), when there is some paperwork, I make sure that in the spirit realm, it translates into 'No refunds and no exchanges'. In other words, then a man cannot simply sleep with you and then swap you out for another 'fit'. He cannot treat you so casually. I won't let him."
That's some pretty powerful stuff right there, y'all! That fornication is basically like saying that a man can "put you on", "take you off", "turn you in" and *move on* while marriage is saying, "You joined to me in covenant. There are *no refunds or exchanges*."
It's like God is saying, "This girl? You got under *my conditions* and we don't have return policies in here. You married her, you're going to be responsible to and for her before during and after sex."
In keeping with the analogy, when you know that you can't take something back, you tend to be more discerning about "purchasing it" in the first place. *Good*. Sex is powerful enough to deserve some *real thinking* beforehand.
YOU DESERVE A MAN WHO *CONSIDERS YOU* MORE THAN HIS LIBIDO.
Well, I'm gonna get off of here and enjoy the rest of my day. I just wanted to make sure to send out this little "spiritual PSA" before...one more person has sex without covenant.
You're better (so much better) than that.
You're *precious enough* to come with a *NO REFUND POLICY*.
Body, mind and spirit.