Friday, September 14, 2012
"On Fire": Let Love Heal Your (Past Love) Pain
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."---Psalm 147:3(NKJV)
Earlier this week...
I made a quick run out to a mall that I don't normally frequent. I made a point to go close to closing time because words can't express just *how under the radar* I am these days (oftentimes, you can move faster that way) and I didn't want to experience any impromptu run-ins. I'll tell you what, though, the Word rings true and when the Amplified Version of Proverbs 16:33 tells us that even what seems like accidents are of the Lord, it is so right!
On my way out of the door (give or take a few hundred feet), I saw this woman coming out of Victoria's Secret. I mostly only caught the back of her and so while she seemed really familiar, something about her appearance also seemed really strange. So much in fact, that I tried to convince myself that it couldn't be who I thought it was. She had on really short shorts and long false eyelashes. In my over two decades of knowing her, it was so not her typical look. It was all just...odd.
But as I got closer and I heard her voice, I realized that it was *exactly* who I was in denial that it was. When I caught up to her, while she seemed really glad to see me (we haven't seen each other in awhile), it was apparent that she was also pretty embarrassed.
You see, she knows that I know her...differently.
I've never seen that much of her body exposed (she's not 20-something, she's 40-something). I am aware that she's newly divorced (actually, I'm not even sure if she is officially divorced yet) and the guy that she was with was *clearly* not her (ex) husband or a relative (she even tried to keep him from telling me his name). She had several Victoria's Secret bags and from the neck up, she just seemed...time warped in a way. Not "aging gracefully" but regretfully.
"Old Shellie" would've either said something then or contacted her afterwards to find out just what the heck was going on. I did tease her and say, "I've never seen so much of you before" and she replied with, "I know, right? And you've known me...how many years?" Honestly, I think saying that, along with a hug, was all that needed to be exchanged. We want our separate ways (actually, it was more like I hurried to the door).
As I drove home, aside from being a bit shocked (because clearly, she was in the mall that I was in for similar "under the radar" reasons) and feeling kind of bad for her, I thought about how Monday is Past Loves Day and how, I believe God wanted me to see that entire scene. Not to denounce her but to remind me of something about myself.
Almost six years (SIX YEARS?!?) of having no sex, I think that it's honestly only been over the past year or so that I've started to see the true me. If you watched that video that I shared a couple of weeks back on here about how sex affects you *physically*, then you'll probably recall how the woman said that anytime that you *conceive* a child with someone, their DNA remains in you *forever*. I've had four abortions. Four men's DNA. In here. FOREVER. So, it's taken *quite a bit of work* to "level myself out" amidst their um, "contributions" along with all of the emotional residue left behind from 11 other men. You simply can't be joined to another person and it not change you. I don't care *what* the media tells you. The media lies. (I Corinthians 3:18-19)
And when you've given up pieces of your mind, body *and spirit* to individuals who committed to do nothing other than give you an orgasm (and honestly, you're pretty lucky if they offered you even *that much*), it can really do a number on you. So much so that while you may look like yourself in some ways, in others...you are almost unrecognizable---a mere shell of the woman God created you to be.
I have counseled enough divorcees to know that what I saw walking out of Victoria's Secret with some random dude was *pain*. Pain from a failed marriage. Pain from needing to feel beautiful again. Pain from...being brokenhearted. Shoot, I've been the girl with the too tight clothes shopping in Victoria's Secret before. I get it. Seeing "her" reminds me of *just how much* that I do.
It also served as another PSA to me that CS Lewis is *so right*. "We don't have a spirit. We are a spirit. We have a body." This makes sense being that we're made in the image of God to reflect his likeness (Genesis 1:26-28) and he, after all, is Spirit (John 4:24). No wonder sex is as much a spiritual mystery as it is a physical fact (I Corinthians 6:16-20-Message). The facts, we get. The mysteries...they are a secret. Reserved for only married people to know.
Therefore, we can walk around in our broken (or brokenheartedness) all that we want and think that no one sees it. But you see, *spirits see other spirits* (how do you think that Satan gets so much accomplished?-Ephesians 6:10-20). If someone is looking beyond the "veil (or is it mask?) of flesh", it's amazing what is revealed.
Personally, I am a *huge fan* of Psalm 46:5(NKJV): "God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn."---Psalm 46:5(NKJV) This morning, I was awakened with an old school Karyn White song (some of y'all don't know nothin' about KARYN WHITE-LOL). That said, I'll be penning my next devotional on "Do You Love the Way That You Are Loved?"
When a relationship comes to an end, especially one that we thought wouldn't, it is painful. Yet, I pray that if this is what you are going through right now that you will not try and find a "flesh solution" that will only bring about greater problems...and uncomfortableness and potential embarrassment. I pray that if you weren't loved the way that you wanted to be loved, that you'll choose to go to the Source of Love (I John 4:8&16) so that you can be *truly healed*. Sex, for a brokenhearted single woman is like a drink to a recovering alcoholic. When you come down off of your "high", you're going to be lower than ever. And what you'll have to do to "get back up" will require more than you ultimately have to give. That's what fornication (and adultery and porn addiction and masturbation and "everything but" sexual activity) is all about: stealing, killing and potentially destroying you (John 10:10), your self-image *and your wholeness* for the man who is truly worthy of it...*all*.
God knows that we're not always going to do it his way. That's a lot of what Psalm 147:3 is all about. But when your heart has been broken by a past love, if you want a brighter future, don't go to another man; that's a "quick fix" that doesn't really *fix* anything. It's the equivalent of using Scotch tape on glass. It's not going to hold anything together for long.
*Go to God*. He gets "it" *and you* better than you do. He knows just what you need to heal...
So that you can truly and fully love again---mind, body and spirit.
So that you can rock VS for someone who is *truly worthy* of the packaging and the present (James 1:17).