Friday, October 5, 2012

An Ounce of Prevention: "10 Signs of Incompatibility That You Shouldn’t Ignore"

This is a straight copy and paste (I got it here):

When a couple is dating, it can be easy to ignore many of the differences they have and consider them insignificant. Even couples which have been together for a long time, or are engaged, often times make the assumption that the issues they disagree on will diminish over time. In reality, the opposite is generally true. The items that may have seemed small at first will usually become greater obstacles in a relationship rather than less:

Religious beliefs. Even if your religious beliefs don’t seem that important to either of you at this point, that is something often changes as a person matures. And if there is a wide difference between the beliefs and practices of two individuals, or even their two families, it can become an ongoing source of conflict that is very emotionally charged.

Financial management. Money is one the biggest areas of conflict for almost every couple. It is seldom that you find two people who see eye-to-eye on every financial decision they make. For this reason, the closer two people can be in agreement on this subject the better.

Parenthood. When one person desperately wants children and the other does not, it can be a big mistake for them to assume that the other person will change their mind on it in the future. It certainly does happen often, but other times the issue can become one of an impasse as time goes on.

Socializing. It is very common for introverts and extraverts to be attracted to each other. The outgoing personality of the extravert is entertaining for the introvert and the quiet nature of the introvert provides a sense of stability and calm to the extravert. Unfortunately, the very things that attract them to each other can also drive them apart.  When two such opposite personality types are attracted to one another, they must understand that their social habits will not be compatible. One will want to be out with people constantly and the other will cringe at the thought.

Family relationships. "I’m not marrying his/her family. I’m just marrying them." Unfortunately, that is seldom the truth. When you enter into a long term relationship with someone, you usually will have to deal with their family members as well. If you have conflicts regarding family issues early in your relationship, they are bound to get worse over time. This is a big warning sign of trouble down the road.

Conflict resolution. What happens when a conflict arises? Are the two of you able to discuss the issues, or do one or both of you end up yelling? Or perhaps one of you always gives in to the other and tries to avoid conflict. Worse yet, arguments escalate into physical violence. Again, don’t expect these problems to disappear or improve without some kind of intervention to teach you how to deal with conflict in a new way.

Pets. Many people do not realize how important this issue can be to people. There are people who can’t imagine living without some kind of animal in their home. Others have no tolerance for pets at all. At times, these two kinds of people come together and assume the other person will change their view. Assumptions are the basis of many a failed relationship. Make sure you know just how strongly the other person feels about their love for, or aversion to, animals.

Moral values. What is right and what is wrong? Not everyone has the same list. Having a strong difference of opinion in this area will make it difficult for two individuals to an area of compromise.

Friends. Do you have all the same friends, or is there a split between ‘your’ friends and ‘my’ friends? Do either of you strongly dislike the other’s group of friends? This is another gulf that is likely to widen over time, rather than narrow.

Shared interests. What do you have in common that you both equally enjoy? Is there anything? It is surprising the number of couples that marry and then discover that there is nothing that they both equally enjoy. This can be dealt with in a relationship, but a relationship will always be stronger if you have at least one activity that you both can be enthusiastic about.

Don’t be afraid to admit that there are areas where the two of you see things differently. That is normal. But, it is important to give serious consideration to  the continuation of a relationship that has two many of the areas of division listed above.



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