"My beloved is mine, and I am his."---Song of Solomon 2:16(NKJV)
Yesterday, I saw my first love's cousin. It was good to see him because after walking and talking and catching up, I saw realized that while I was *always care* for my first (partially due to the *consequences* that come with having sex outside of covenant), I really am over him. It took *a long time* to say that. It's nice that my heart is fully free to love my future beloved. *Finally*.
However, I'm penning this to share what came out of my mouth after his cousin said, "Wow, you're thick. Has 'he' seen you lately?" and then inquired of who I was seeing now. Of course, this line of conversation eventually led to my bedroom activities ("So, you're not married? You got a boyfriend? OK, so you're just out here abstinent? What? You haven't had sex in almost *six years*?!?") and when we got to that "portion of the program", I was *thrilled* by the resolve that came out of my mouth.
See, I'm not the chick who had sex to keep a man or to "feel loved" or all of those sundry reasons that some women, during abstinence, come to the resolve of. I mean, I do think that oftentimes I confused "fun in the sack" with an actual commitment by thinking that "I love having sex with you" meant "I love you". But Shellie Renee' Warren? This chick right here *thoroughly enjoys the act of sex*! And so, when I decided to "put me on ice" until...shoot, until, you couldn't have paid me to think that it would be *this long* (and counting). On top of that, the detox season (which was basically the past five years-LOL) was a *beast*.
Note to virgins: Being tempted by sex is *nothing* like going into detox about it. *Count your blessings*.
OK, back to what came out of my mouth. After his cousin said, "Wow. It's gonna be like losing your virginity all over again", my reply was, "You know, I hate that I can't give my husband my virginity because he deserves to have it. But, what I can do is make sure that no one else gets access to his orgasms. Not even me."
I promise you that the heavens opened up with an "AHHHH!" (LOL) because I wasn't just speaking of not having sex with another man. I was speaking of not masturbating or doing anything that will provide the kind of feelings that are exclusively my husband's right. I Corinthians 6:20(NKJV) says, "For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s." That's the resolve that I am to have as a single woman. Then, look at I Corinthians 7:4(NKJV) "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does."
SEXUALLY, MY BODY BELONGS TO GOD AS A SINGLE WOMAN.
SEXUALLY, THE LORD WILL GIVE MY HUSBAND AUTHORITY OF MY BODY ONCE I'M MARRIED.
SEXUALLY...IT'S NOT (JUST) ABOUT ME. IT NEVER WAS.
And so every kiss, every arousing touch, every orgasm, right now, it's like I'm "storing up" so that I can bless my husband *abundantly* in marriage. Therefore, I am *so repentant* of the fact that I didn't value my body and *his right to my body* before abstinence that no boyfriend, no vibrator (although that was *never* my thing), no porn video---*nothing*---is worth robbing him of all of me in that way. A part of a pure marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4) is having a pure woman in it---mind, body and spirit. So yes, I am starting to really take sex seriously enough that I don't want *anything* that is not "free from anything of a different, inferior, or contaminating kind; free from extraneous matter" around me (in that way). Anyone or thing that is not my husband sexually arousing me is *inferior* to him because sexually, my body is made for him. I will honor him as such before even being with him because spirits tend to connect long before bodies do.
That's not to say a sistah doesn't get tempted (I Corinthians 10:13). But, that is to say that every time I think about sex (including self-sex), I realize that I'm now at the place of thinking, "That's my husband's pleasure place. I'm not supposed to trespass on it and so, I won't."
I can't give him my virginity. But, I can give him a pure woman with a whole lot of...things (LOL) stored up so that he'll be making a worthwhile investment. Both in the bed and out.
I'm so glad to *finally* respect God and honor my husband's *authority*. Even now.
So much so that I'm willing to *remove myself* from anyone or thing who doesn't.
"On Fire" gal, if you're not a virgin anymore, *at least* save your sexual present for your husband's future.
He's worth and *worthy of* it.