Friday, November 2, 2012

"On Fire": Who Is Building Your Relationship? (God or You?)

"Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it..."---Psalm 127:1(NKJV)

Earlier this week...

I was talking to someone about relationships that go on for years (and years and years) with no commitment in sight and how so many of the women in them will *manipulate themselves* into thinking that they are "waiting in faith" as they are doing things like having sex with the guy, living with the guy, "acting like a wife when she's not a wife" with the guy. When we're caught up into that kind of cycle, we are not "waiting in faith" but "caught up in an illusion" (Ecclesiastes 7:18-Message).


I thought about this all the more when I read what an "On Fire" woman sent earlier this week (thanks Shelia!). It's a testimony (I Timothy 4:14-16-AMP) that I am familiar with, but some of you may not be. It was an interview that Tamara Mowry Housely did on the importance of celibacy before marriage and how  "It's Got to Be God's Way". On the importance of celibacy before marriage, this is what she said:

“Adam and I took a break from dating for about a year. We missed each other and something was drawing us together, but more than that, we wanted to make sure that this relationship was what God wanted for our lives. [In order to know] if we are meant to be together, we said, ‘it’s got to be God’s way and not our way.’ We didn’t want to half-step anything [or have clouded judgment]. So our right way was the way we felt God wanted us to do it which was being celibate. We said to God, ‘This is who we are, I know you take us as we are, our faults, our fears, our joys, our hope as a couple and have your way.’

I tried the ‘missionary dating’ [in the past] where you have a person with a great heart who you think is perfect and wonderful except for this one important area that you try to change. That’s unfair to that person. That person needs to be who they are 100%. And it’s unfair to you. You don’t want to drag somebody to church with you. My husband wakes up on Sundays and says ‘Hey, are we going to church today?’ It just makes [waiting] all worthwhile. I dated guys who did not share those same beliefs and it was hard. There were many nights of heartbreak and crying, and that’s not what God wants for us.

But if you want to be celibate, definitely don’t live together [laughs] because that makes it harder for you. Have people around you to keep you accountable! Surround yourself with people who support your decision, because they’re only going to root you on. Make that covenant with God and with each other and just let go. God is going to see you through the difficult times. Whenever you’re feeling discouraged just pray together. Like I said it’s not going to be a perfect journey, but you just have to keep God the center of your relationship.”

Good for her for promoting God's formula for courtship and marriage. It's the one that you can *truly put your faith in* (Hebrews 11).

I have said it many times before. I don't know *one single married couple* who had sex before marriage whose marriage either has not suffered at some point (for quite a while) or is not suffering on some level now because of it. When God says that he is not mocked and that we will reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7-9), when he says "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:18-NKJV), I wonder why so many believers seem to think that this does not apply to them. When the Word, which is God (John 1:1), says to FLEE SEXUAL IMMORALITY, I wonder if a lot of us *really know* what it means to flee: "to run away, as from danger or pursuers". Whew! Did you catch that? Fleeing (in this case) isn't just about running away from sexual sin but from those who would *pursue us* when it comes to partaking in it as well. We are not supposed to "missionary date" those kinds of people (as Tamara so eloquently put it). We are supposed to *run away* from them. 

AMAZING that we will think that the men we are dating that we are sexually involved with are the men who need to be "husband candidates" when the Word tells us that people who try to entice us to live impure lives are actually individuals who we need to *run away* from. You can't be intimate and running away at the same time. You also can't be obedient to God and sinning simultaneously, either. This also means that you can't allow the Lord to build when you're constructing your own "version" of what he wants to do in and through your life.

When Psalm 127:1 tells us that unless the Lord builds the house, we labor in vain, this means that when we build on spiritual compromise, we build in a way that will prove to be "ineffectual or unsuccessful; futile" and "without real significance, value, or importance; baseless or worthless". We are building in a way that is essentially "senseless or foolish".

Ding! That's why a lot of women are in relationships that are not progressing. The spirit *always* has forward movement but when we are in our flesh, it's a futile, baseless and foolish effort (Romans 7:5&8:13).

What I learned back when I was caught up in that kind of "dog vomit" (I know, right?---Proverbs 26:11) is that oftentimes the *delay* was simply God being in my way because he knew that the relationship was a vain one; he knew that I deserved so much more (I Corinthians 2:9) than what I was settling for (or causing the other person to settle for). My last relationship lasted officially for four years and then two years of "breaking up" (and having "break up sex") following it. SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE (6 biblically means "labor"-LOL). And all the while, I didn't want to listen to the fact that the Spirit was saying, "*End it*.You're building in vain."

I once heard someone say, "God will speak in two ways: Either he will confirm or he will warn." It's not a "trial" or "testing of your relationship" if it's something that resulted from *you* choosing not to listen (Proverbs 28:9-Message) and/or *you* wanting what *you want* more than what God wants for you; that would be idolatry (Exodus 20:3) and *rebellion*. Nothing good *ever* comes from rebellion: "For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry." (I Samuel 15:23-NKJV)

Covenant is *far too precious* to be mishandled or manipulated. Besides, we didn't come up with marriage, *God did*. He is the Master "Love Architect". Let *him* build your relationship. Even if it means allowing him to *tear down* the one that you are currently in. (Yep...*even if*.)

He's either confirming or warning with this one. 

Please choose wisely.



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