Thursday, May 23, 2013

"On Fire": Are You "By Yourself" in Your Relationship? What to Do If You Are.

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I'll tell you what...

It seems like the married folks just can't get a break. Why does everything in that quote sound so cute except for the husband and wife resolve? I mean, why do *they* have to be the ones to get the word "argue" (LOL)? Anyway, I posted it because in some ways, it's fitting for the focus of this particular message because it's a blaring reminder that good relationships consists of *two participants*.

That said...

I'm not even really sure how I found this article (meaning I can't recall what I was initially looking for that led me to it this morning) and also let me just say that I've read enough material of all faiths to sense that this particular author is probably New Age; however, this piece offers some really powerful insights on what she calls "multi-dimensional relationships" and I call "being in a relationship...alone". Therefore, I'm going to share an excerpt of it:

In a recent Facebook post I wrote about a long-term relationship I have had with someone that has been very frustrating, challenging and sad. It has felt stuck for a long time and although I can see its wonderful potential, the other person cannot. Then, while thinking about it a few nights ago, I understood why it has never moved forward,  isn’t ‘working’, and is so disappointing and painful. This realization was so powerful that I was able to release the relationship and all of its challenges and frustrations in just a few minutes. The post received so many comments and shares that I knew I had to share more of this information with you.

What I realized, that I had never seen before, was that our relationship existed in different dimensions. I am remembering a connection with him that doesn’t exist for him because he is not at that level in this lifetime (and may never choose to be there). My purpose in his life has been to help him remember something he doesn’t want to remember now. And I am holding an energetic space for him that he is not ready or willing to occupy with me.

The dimension, vibration and frequency he has chosen to experience his life at today are part of his lessons. I hold a different frequency that is available to him but he has to choose it; I can’t choose for him. Now I can see the potential that we could have as a couple and it is amazing, but not only does he not see it, the thought of being at that level scares him away. While I think I’m giving him the most amazing opportunity, he thinks I’m trying to push him into a situation that he doesn’t want to be part of (and he really doesn’t) and cannot envision himself in, and he is not aware of the value, benefits and blessings of being in this relationship with me.

But this kind of situation exists in my life beyond this relationship, it is also present in many other areas of my life in which I remember a far more joyful and powerful connection with others and hold energetic space for them to join me there but they cannot see it and are often angry or frustrated with me, instead of sharing my vision. I had to realize that this is not their path in this lifetime, unless they choose it. And so far, they are not there even though I have worked very hard to allow that to happen, including martyring myself on their behalf.

Here are some of the ways you can know that you are in a multi-dimensional relationship (and consider these points in every relationship, not just the romantic ones):

1. You feel you are working harder at making this work than the other person.

2. You wish they would change.

3. They are your ‘blind spot’ and you can’t see their faults even though everyone else in your life wonders why you are so attached to this person or can’t see what they see in them.

4. You have a very strong connection but the relationship feels stuck.

5. You are afraid that the relationship will not work out and have a nagging feeling that it will end one day.

6. They secretly or openly think you’re odd, strange, different or hard to understand.

7. You can see more potential in them than they can see in and for themselves.

8. You can see more potential and possibility in the relationship than they can see or acknowledge. And you may feel like you are being deliberately rejected.

9. If you are honest with yourself, you know that you are a martyr in this relationship.

10. The relationship ends suddenly and painfully and you do not understand why.

OK, words like "frequency" and "vibration" and "in this lifetime" are some triggers that she may not be Christian but again this is still some really great stuff. It reminds me that when the Message Version of Acts 1:7 speaks of timing being the Father's business and when Ecclesiastes 3:11 talks about God making everything beautiful in its time, one thing that I believe this article and those verses speak to is the fact that *timing is essential for every healthy relationship*; that if the timing is "off", the relationship will be imbalanced as well.

I can personally attest to the fact that unfortunately, there are a lot of us who feel like because we're interested in someone or perhaps that we even love them then automatically our emotions and life's timetable should be in sync when very often, that is not even close to being the case. Sometimes we simply love "ahead", which speaks to timing not being ideal and as my mother used to oftentimes say "The right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing." Healthy love and good timing are simply essential.

You know, I can only imagine how much heartbreak would be spared if we, especially as women, were just as proactive about praying for being brought (Genesis 2:22) to the right man *at the right time* as we were about being in a relationship at all. Because if timing was as much of a priority to us as having a relationship was one, we would remember that "...a wise man’s heart discerns both time and judgment" (Ecclesiastes 8:5) and so we would be so much more cautious with moving "out of season" and two, if God did reveal someone was to be a part of our future, we would be a lot more patient with the preparation process than we tend to be (I Corinthians 13:4).

However, even with good lovin' and great timing there's something else to keep in mind...

Another important thing that the author mentioned in the article that's key is this: Even if you love someone, unless you want to be in some twisted codependent stronghold, please don't forget about the fact for the relationship to really and truly work, they have to *choose* to love you back. In other words, the old saying "If it's meant to be, it will be" is not a bandwagon to necessarily jump onto because it implies that if it's God's will, it will happen. I mean, it was *God's will* for Adam and Eve not to eat of the fruit; they still did though (Genesis 3). Therefore, things don't happen if they're "meant to". Things happen when people *choose to* which is why if you do find yourself in a situation with someone where you are checking a lot of things off on that 10-point list up top, something else that I would encourage you to do is go to God for faith (Hebrews 11:1), wisdom (James 1:5) and acceptance of the other person's *choice*. Why? Because...

LOVE. IS. A. CHOICE.

And a lot of us find ourselves in relationships alone simply because we don't accept that fact. Sure, you could be the best woman on the planet, but God is not going to *make a man* be with you. I mean, look at the gift of his Son (John 3:16) that he sent mankind and all of the people who rejected and continue to reject him. Do you think that hell, for them, his simply "meant to be"? God simply affords the opportunity, it's up to us to accept it.

When it comes to salvation...

When it comes to marriage...

So, if you notice yourself anywhere in this, I would encourage you to do the following things:

1) Accept the REALITY (Ecclesiastes 7:18-Message) of your situation.

2) Pray for insight on if "he" is the wrong person or *it's* simply the wrong time.

3) Intercede for "him" to receive the same insights.

4) Seek strength to accept that each man has the power to choose.

5) Know that God withholds no good thing (Psalm 84:11). This means that you will not be *penalized* for someone else's decision. God is the master of making "Plan D" just as good as "Plan A".

And either way, remember that it's not God's desire for you to be in a relationship alone, OK?

So, don't you *choose* to be.

tmm,

SRW


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