Monday, May 13, 2013

"On Fire": Are You Comfortable and Confident in How You Are Loved?


I always get excited when I read quotes like this one because it reminds me to be *very vocal and proactive* about not allowing the word "love" to be treated casually...or disrespectfully. Since I John 4:8&16 tells us that "God is love" how in the world (well, how in *God's kingdom*-LOL) can we say something like "Love hurts"? The author of this quote is right.

Love does not hurt. Love heals.

So with that said, as I was looking for a particular news story one day last week, I found myself watching a few minutes of an interview that R&B singer Ciara did on Wendy Williams's television show not too long ago. Initially, I wasn't sure why I was drawn to it but then she said something about her current relationship that made me be like "YES!"

Now, when I tell you that I have no clue what's going on in the current state of music (and a lot of new artists in the industry), I really don't. Therefore, I don't know much about the "juicy" stuff that may or may not be going on with Ciara and her (current) boyfriend Future. And honestly, to me, it doesn't too much matter. I'm not referencing what she said so that we all will "mimic" her relationship. Quite frankly, I believe that goes on way more than it should anyway (the 10th Commandment tells us not to covet for a reason-Exodus 20:17). And besides, I'm a *full supporter* of people getting to their *individualized* (Psalm 33:15) purposes and blessings.

However, as it relates to Ciara, she happened to be the voice given to a powerful resolve and I like to give credit where credit is due (Proverbs 27:2).  So, when Wendy was asking (or was it grilling?-LOL) Ciara about the future of her relationship with Future, this is what Ciara said with her back straight, her voice calm and her eyes not blinking once:

 "I'm so comfortable and confident in the way that he loves me."

*Nice*. Now catch it. She didn't say that his love makes her feel comfortable and confident although it might almost sound that way. The reason why I feel that it's important to make the clear distinction is that a lot of women look for a man to make them feel good about themselves when that's something that they need to "have down pat" well before a guy even arrives onto the scene. It's not a man's job to make you feel good about yourself. It's his job to not make you feel any worse and to encourage you to do what will only cause you to become better. No, what Ciara said was that she was comfortable and confident in *how* he loved her.

Comfortable: being in a state of physical or mental comfort; contented and undisturbed; at ease

Confident: having strong belief or full assurance; sure

Some of y'all remember Karyn White's song "The Way You Love Me". To this day, I can play it once and then feel the immediate urge to put it on repeat. The bridge goes like this:

One, for all the special love 
Two, a sensitive and tender touch 
Three, because you please 
You bring out the best in me

When a woman already loves herself, she is not looking to be in a relationship..."just to be in one". She is someone who knows, one way or another, that every good and perfect gift comes from God (James 1:17) and so the gift of (in the context of this blog) a husband is going to be"right; proper; fit" and "exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose".

The right man will be right, proper and fitting for you. 
He will be *exactly what you need* to fulfill your life's purpose.

It's another blog for another time, how many single women need to spend more time exploring their life's purpose on this earth over looking for a man to be with because if the first part is in place, the latter will certainly become more apparent. And then, when that happens...BAM! The best is brought out in her AND she will be able to be comfortable and confident in how she is loved because it will only make her more at ease and more assured as a daughter of the Most High (Psalm 82:6).

Women who are stalking their boyfriends in social media are not comfortable and confident in how they are loved.

Women who are always upset about *something* going on in their relationship are not comfortable and confident in how they are loved.

Women who feel like they need to present ultimatums in order for them to get "to the next level" with their significant other are not comfortable and confident in how they are loved.

It should definitely be on the "I-won't-settle-for-less-in-my-relationship wish list" to want to be with a man whose love you are "content and undisturbed" by. After all, that's two characteristics of what *real love* is like anyway.

Breaking up is *a lot better* than divorce.

If you're currently in a relationship and you don't feel comfortable and confidently loved in it...well.

And if you aren't...make it a priority to expect to be.

God loves us that way.

And in receiving a gift *from him*, we are to receive no less.



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