Wednesday, May 22, 2013


As a recovering (emotional) abuser and abusee, I'll speak up and say that emotional abuse is a BEAST and Natalie (she's English, by the way so some "misspellings" are purposeful) is "spot on" re: her resolve concerning it:

"If you’ve been wondering if someone’s mistreatment of you is justified, what they’re doing is exploiting the fact that you’re questioning your worth and even attempting to appease them in the process, possibly while giving them a free pass on responsibility and accountability.

It’s not that they have insider knowledge about that One False Move you made that they’re building their whole mistreatment case around.

You could sit there from here to eternity and ruminate over, 'Was it this? Was it that? Was it that time I didn’t answer the phone on three rings? Is it because I wouldn’t have a three-way? Is it because I said that I felt uncomfortable with them disrespecting my boundaries? It’s because I slept with him/her after a week, isn’t it? It’s because I gave them too much? Maybe I should have given them more? Is it because I had needs? Because, because, because, because…'

I know we like to think that there’s a reason for everything but the reason for ‘everything’ doesn’t have to be about you.

It’s not about you. The reason why someone is mistreating you is because that’s what they do. You can do the work to address why you’re still there or why you’re internalising their behaviour but what you cannot do is see you as an extension of their behaviour.

Character doesn’t go out of fashion nor can it change on a daily basis or from person to person. You’re not the first to experience this and you won’t be the last. Sadly. You don’t ‘provoke’ people into doing shady stuff by just breathing and believing that you’re an unworthy person. Regardless of what you’re feeling about you, they’re being themselves."

Now that's not to say that some things *aren't about you*, especially if you sense a pattern, but what this does mean is that when the New Century Version of Galatians 6:5 tells us that we are to be responsible for ourselves, it means just that. Don't "own" someone else's issues. Just the ones that you've got.




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