Tuesday, May 21, 2013

"On Fire": Signs of Being WORTHY OF TRUST


“He said, ‘Good servant! Great work! Because you’ve been trustworthy in this small job, I’m making you governor of ten towns.’"---Luke 19:17(Message)

You know...

Sometimes the truth hurts but it will free a person. (John 8:31-32)

As I was doing some "On Fire" praying recently, I experienced what I call a "choke laugh" off of the Spirit's response: "How can I trust my daughters with something as big as marriage when so many of them won't even get to work on time or pay their bills when they're due? Remember that Christ said that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. I don't give things in order to make individuals less responsible *but more*. If marriage is going to burden you, then it's not a blessing. And the truth is that marriage comes with a lot of responsibility that most of my daughters are not using this time to prepare for." (Matthew 11:30)

To further illustrate this point, I was led (Luke 12:12) to the lead Scripture for this message and in so many ways, it spoke volumes.

1) This particular individual in Luke 19 did not become a leader without being a servant... *first*. One of my favorite quotes is by Buddha: "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." A lot of women want to "hurry up and be a wife" without using this time, while they're single, to learn the kinds of lessons that will prepare them for a "Proverbs 31 gig". You know the *virtuous wife* (who according to Jewish culture is Abraham's wife, Sarah) worked with her hands; got up early in the morning to prepare food for her family (do you know how many women can't even cook these days?!?); knew how to invest money; could sew; helped out the needy; was strong, respected and optimistic; DID NOT WASTE TIME and because of these traits, her children spoken well of her, her husband praised and and according to the New Century Version of Proverbs 31:11: "Her husband trusts her completely. With her, he has everything he needs." Now do you think that a wedding ceremony miraculously transformed this woman into having these kinds of characteristics? While she may have "fine tuned" them over the course of her marriage (because also according to Jewish culture, Proverbs 31:10-31 was Sarah's eulogy...it spoke of the kind of wife she was *over the course of her entire lifetime*), I am confident in stating that these were things that were put into practice well before any "broom jumping" took place. Her husband could trust her to be a "lifesaver", in part, because she had been a good "life student" and servant of others (Galatians 5:13) as a single woman.

2) This particular individual in Luke 19 was promoted from small things to big things. I believe that I've shared before that I'm currently working on "checking off" anything that the Holy Spirit (or a person) reminds me that I said I would do but didn't. Why? Because there is nothing admirable about professing to be a "Word abider" while you're a vow breaker (Ecclesiastes 5:1-7) at the same time; yet a lot of us get into this rut because we speak ahead of the amount of time that we actually have in each day. For instance, when I read verses such as James 4:13-14(NKJV) "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit'; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away", something that it reminds me to do is live *in the moment*. If all of us are really and truly desiring to live responsible lives (Galatians 6:5-NCV), then we'll admit that our plates are already pretty full. TODAY. Therefore, we don't need to consume ourselves with getting more or doing more if we can't do it and do it in excellence. Each day, we simply need to focus on doing the "little things in life"...it's how we establish trust with God and others (Proverbs 3:4) as it prepares us for...divine assignments and promotions.

3) That particular individual in Luke 19 didn't "talk". He "worked". Thanks to verses like I John 3:18(NKJV), the one that tells us "My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth", we see that words only "move God" if actions are going to follow them. Because my top love language is Words of Affirmation, I used to find myself in "hamster wheel relationships" (lots of running but getting absolutely nowhere) because I figured that if a guy *said it* then that should be enough. I mean, it is if he believes that he was made in the image of the Godhead (Genesis 1:26-28) and therefore that means that *words are to precede action*. Why? Because that is another way that trust is properly cultivated. Otherwise, words don't really mean very much. 

So, in pondering (Proverbs 4:26) all of this, I did a bit of research outside of the Bible on what it means to be trustworthy. One article said that it means this:

Credibility: Can we believe what you say?
Reliability: Can we depend on your actions?
Intimacy:   Do we feel safe sharing information with you?
Self-orientation: Are you focused on yourself, or on the other person, in your interactions and motives?

(That's some good stuff right there!) 

Then I read another article entitled "Top 10: Signs She'll Make a Good Wife":

1. She's trustworthy and loyal

2. She's emotionally stable

3. The two of you have similar interests

4. She respects you

5. The two of you have great communication

6. You have great intimacy together (well, you know...the potential is there-LOL)

7. The two of you can laugh together

8. Her finances are in order

9. She's beautiful inside and out

10. You are both in agreement on kids

Uh-huh. There goes that trustworthy word again. *It's paramount*. And while a lot of women don't like to "look at themselves" when it comes to dealing with a list like this, it's simply hard to trust any woman who is emotionally unstable, who doesn't respect men and who has a jacked up credit history. Speaking of credit, as someone who is getting hers in order right now, 9 1/2 times out 10, not-so-stellar credit means that somewhere along the line, you were a vow breaker. You said you would pay something that you didn't and so why would God overwhelm you with just one more person (even if it is in the form of a husband) to not keep your word to? Being good with finances is vital and a part of the foundation of any healthy marriage.

And then there's one final article that I wanted to share because when one is in a relationship, trust is definitely a two-way street. This one is entitled "10 Signs He or She is a ‘Keeper’" and in many ways, it wraps up this entire message into a pretty red bow:

1. Sees the real you — and the best in you

2. Is considerate in the little things

3. Is trustworthy

4. Is someone you can live with someday

5. Is respectful to your family and friends

6. Is a friend

7. Is more than a friend

8. Supports your interests and passions

9. Has his or her own passions/interests

And I'm going to straight up copy and paste all of what "10" says:

10. Is capable of being kept (i.e., is capable of commitment). Your mate could meet all of the above criteria, but if he or she isn’t interested in settling down, it’s irrelevant. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, be sure you are also looking for a loyal, commitment-minded person. Some people take a little longer to arrive at that place, but others are determined to never be “tied down.”

A trustworthy person celebrates the real you, is considerate *in the little things*, is respectful, is a friend and *supports your passions and interests*. And if you are trustworthy, you will do the same thing for them.

Plus, a person who is worthy of enough trust to get into a serious relationship with them is also someone who is *interested in settling down*. That also is key because so many women don't take the time to seek that information out *before* trying to build with an individual. Then, when things don't go as they'd like, they end up feeling "betrayed" when they were really simply *misinformed* (or moving in assumption). A guy did not lie to you simply because a relationship did not go the way you wanted it to (usually that is a sign of *lying to yourself*). Finding out where a man is on the "relationship radar" before investing too much of yourself lets you know what kind of future to build with him: acquaintance, platonic friend or something more...or nothing at all.

You know, I counsel a lot of couples who have broken trust in their relationship. What I am coming to discover more and more is a big part of that is due to the fact that so many people do not take the time to accept the reality that trust goes SO FAR BEYOND if someone is "sexually and emotionally faithful". As we've just seen, it means living a responsible and accountable life in every way. Before and during a relationship.

There's a lot of "food for thought" provided here.

No *and I mean NO* relationship works without trust.

Make sure you're worthy.

Make sure he is too.



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