Wednesday, June 19, 2013
An Ounce of Prevention: "20 Signs Your Relationship Is Going Nowhere Fast (Sorry)"
As I was pulling up some info for an "On Fire" sistah, I "happened upon" (Proverbs 16:33-AMP) on an article from iVillage entitled "20 Signs Your Relationship Is Going Nowhere Fast (Sorry)" and while *of course*, the fornication point doesn't apply, *a lot* of the rest of these are *stellar*.
For some, I'm just going to list the initial point (click here to read the article in its entirety) but some of them that really caught my attention, I will add some of the sentences that the author used to support the final resolve or my own points. Heed warning signs. They're there for a reason. And a purpose:
1) You never talk about the future: It’s great to live in the moment, but if you don’t make plans for what's next, your relationship could end up being short-term.
2) He’s told you that he’s not the marrying kind.
3) You’re keeping other guys on the back burner. (Shellie excerpt: Y'all know I discern that too many people "date like they're married" and that's not healthy or biblically supported; however, if you are keeping other guys in your close emotional space so that you can "piece together a complete man", that's not good either. Plus, it prevents you from really seeing the strengths and weaknesses of the "main guy".)
4) You have nothing in common except sex. (Shellie excerpt. Good sex does not a stable relationship make. Remember, married folks don't "make love" via sex...sex helps them to *celebrate love*; the love that is already there.)
5) You have lots in common, but no sex life. (Shellie excerpt. For the "Hebrews 13:4 supporters", let's say you have lots in common but no physical attraction. When you *do* get married, your husband needs to feel like you desire to "one yourself" with his mind, BODY and spirit.)
6) You live together. If you’re already doing all the stuff that goes with married life without the formal commitment, there may be no motivation to move things to the next level.
7) His parents are divorced. Sometimes parents can give us a negative idea of what marriage is or instill a lack of trust in us through their actions. “Our relationship role models are often our blueprint,” says Levine. “It may be all he knows.”
8) None of his friends are married.
9) You’re both acting like you’re single. (Shellie excerpt. You both act like marriage is not on the radar. You're *single* until you're *married*.)
10) You don’t make time for the relationship.
11) You haven’t made your desires clear.
12) You keep things casual. Because you’re afraid of scaring him off, you’ve given him the idea that you could take him or leave him. This relationship will go nowhere fast until you come clean.
13) You’re settling. You know he’s not the one, but you’re keeping him around as a backup plan. But this is one plan that will never lead to a happy ending.
14) You’ve skipped over traditional 'steps'.
15) You haven’t traveled together.
16) You don’t have your own life.
17) Your relationship exists online.
18) You haven’t brought him into your world.
19) You avoid fights.
20) He’s not financially stable. (Shellie excerpt: AND NEITHER ARE YOU.)
Good stuff. Run the list down before you proceed...