Wednesday, August 7, 2013

"On Fire": Do You Have a RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION?

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Yep...

So, I was reading an interview that R&B single Mario did for Sister 2 Sister magazine online this morning. One of the things that he touched on was having an addiction to women and how he went on *almost* a year being celibate:

“I would say that was an addiction of mine for a minute: women,” Mario confessed, explaining that he was looking for the nurturing and care that he felt he didn’t receive when he was younger.

But Mario eventually decided to take it easy with the women and completely cut out sex. That allowed him to get more in touch with himself.

“About a year-and-a-half ago, I was celibate for almost a year. It works. It strengthens your spirit,” Mario shared. “I mean more than anything, when you really start to understand the physical experience that we have as individuals, you understand that the spirit is way stronger than the physical. But if you feed your physical more than [the mental], that’s going to dominate.”

Even though it’s a decision that most people can’t understand, Mario said it was really important for him to at least try out. “I experimented with that and it’s something that I really wanted to go to a higher level spiritually,” Mario said. “I felt like it would affect my music differently. It would affect my career, my surroundings, the people, and it has.”


Everything he's saying makes perfect sense being that the world is consumed with *nothing* but pride and lust (I John 2:16) and sooner or later, the part, in all of us, that needs our spirits to be fed, is going to *at least* consider God's formula---which, in this case, would be no sex until marriage (Genesis 2:24-25, Hebrews 13:4, I Corinthians 6:16-20-Message).

I don't know about you, but with every passing day, I become more..."amazed" I guess is the word by how patient God is with us (I Corinthians 13:4). How he can tell us, literally, "This is the way. Walk ye in it" (Isaiah 30:21-KJV) and our actions will indicate "That's OK, Lord. I know what's best for me. I'm going to actually go in this direction" and then be shocked when it falls apart *and then* try and pull him into the results of our blatant disobedience. Yet, he loves us anyway (Jeremiah 31:3)...that is really something. As one of my favorite quotes goes "We're not punished *for* our sins but *by* our sins." (Tryon Edwards said that.) Indeed, how the "product" thinks it knows better than the "manufacturer" is...counterproductive. Oh and really silly.

As a matter of fact, 2 Timothy 3 speaks of the kind of individuals who hold a form of godliness but deny its power and as a direct result: "For among them are those who worm their way into homes and captivate silly and weak-natured and spiritually dwarfed women, loaded down with [the burden of their] sins [and easily] swayed and led away by various evil desires and seductive impulses." (2 Timothy 3:6-AMP)

Anyway, as I was thinking about what Mario was talking about, the Spirit (John 4:24) started talking to me about the kind of addiction that *far more people* have than sex (especially of the female persuasion have): relationship addiction.

1) People who can't go six months without being in some kind of relationship.

2) People who are consumed with having sex or getting married.

3) People who are always in the cycle of being in a relationship, ending one, dating someone new.

These would be forms of a relationship addiction because indeed, if you can't go *one year* without dating someone, being a relationship with someone, being obsessed over someone, not needing the presence of someone of the opposite sex for more than platonic purposes....if almost all of your prayers consist of wanting a companion, being tired of not having sex (or needing to stop having sex), wanting clear signs if "he's" the one...or "he's" the one...or "HE'S" the one---take it from me, you really need to take some time to take a step back and think about if what you're going (or is it putting yourself) through is so much about desiring to be in a loving and productive relationship OR you're simply needy or horny (just sayin') or afraid to be alone.

Understandably, relationship addiction is something that's hard for a lot of people to come to grips with and so I've actually enclosed a part of an article entitled "7 Signs You're a Relationship Addict" for you to ponder (Proverbs 4:26)...hopefully, not in a state of denial:

You’re a chameleon: He’s into sports; suddenly you have every type of paraphernalia for his favorite team. He is super clean cut; you throw out all of your ripped jean skirts and Kardashian looking dresses. He is a major partier; you throw back some red bulls, purchase a clubbing wardrobe and feign excitement about every guest list he gets you on. You should never give up your identity just to be with someone. That’s a big thing to give up. So, if you find yourself doing so, it’s probably because you’re terrified of being alone.

You become heartbroken fast. You feel devastated when a guy breaks things off after only a few weeks, or even a few dates. If you look around, most women aren’t wallowing over a guy they barely knew. This only happens if you had pinned a lot of your hopes on him. The heartbreak always correlates with the hopes and if you’re a relationship addict, you let those hopes get carried away quickly.

You’re rarely single. This is a pretty obvious one, but to some maybe not. Some people think “well I just happened to meet someone great right after my last breakup” but the truth is, you shouldn’t crave being in a new relationship right when you’ve ended an old one. A non-relationship addict craves time to wallow and digest their feelings over the breakup. An addict sees no reason not to just move onto the next one.

You move too fast. You go away for the weekend with him after only a couple of dates. You take him to meet your parents after a couple of weeks. You move in together after a couple of months. Essentially, you need to feel like someone’s “everything” and fast. You don’t have enough self-confidence to handle the regular, healthy pace of dating—of getting to know someone and letting them get to know you and earning their affection over time. You want a relationship now.

Your self-confidence wavers with your relationships. You’re low functioning at work when you’re single. In fact, you’re low-functioning everywhere. You’re a downer to your friends. You barely talk when you’re out at a bar. You don’t feel like what you have to say is worth much when you’re single. But when you’re in a relationship, you’re the life of the party, you’re vibrant and on top of your game. The trouble is, all of that is fragile. And can be gone as soon as you breakup.

You go crazy during breakups. You text him, call him and email him all kinds of crazy messages. You tell him you love him in one. In the next you tell him he is an a-hole. In the next you say you didn’t mean it, that you just miss him and you want him back. You show up at his house. You sleep with his best friend. Essentially, all of your screws go loose. Your sanity depends on being in a relationship.

You date a lot of taboo people. Your best friend’s brother, your ex’s best friend, your boss, your teacher. A stable person who feels self confident without a relationship and doesn’t have insecurity clouding their vision has enough perspective to realize “I don’t need to date my teacher/best friend’s brother/ex’s best friend. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I should throw this one back.” You don’t think we’ve all been attracted to someone we shouldn’t be at some point? Of course we have. But, only someone itching for a relationship goes for it.

I'll add one more to grow on (LOL): You determine your beauty, self-worth or progression as an individual based upon if you are in a relationship or someone wants to be in a relationship with you. Or not.

You know, the thing that's admirable about what Mario did is that he sensed a pattern and took steps to break it. Psalm 147:5(NKJV) tells us "Great is our Lord, and mighty in power; His understanding is infinite." Sadly, some people are so busy wondering *why* they're not in a relationship or *when* they'll actually get into one that they aren't asking God the *foundational question*: "Father, is it that you want me to be totally alone in this season? Is that because you feel like I have a relationship addiction and until I become 'sober-minded', I'm not going to be a *blessing* to my husband but a *burden*?" After all, the role of a wife is to *help* (Genesis 2:18) her husband. He shouldn't be caught up in the emotional web of *saving* you.

Hey, the first step in dealing with an addiction is admitting that you have one, right?

Just something to (seriously) think about...

tmm,

SRW






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