Sunday, September 22, 2013
"On Fire": Think About How Far You've Come...
This is the email that I referenced in the post below this one. She is one of the women who will be receiving two puzzle pieces---one for her and one for her future beloved. Anyway, I found her journey to be a true blessing and I believe that it will be one for you too:
I've been reading your devotionals for years and posts on the On Fire Fast Movement blog for quite some time. I know that you are Spirit-inspired and I have witnessed the Holy Spirit speaking to me through your words...I don't know how many times...! I have seen many of your giveaways, but this one spoke directly to me and so I was impressed to email you in response.
I am 36-years old and am simply thankful for the path along which God has led me. For as long as I can remember, I have suffered from the "Cinderella at the Ball...happily ever after" syndrome. I grew up thinking that my Prince Charming would eventually come and rescue me and make me complete...provide all of the stuff in me that was missing...make me whole...save me...in essence. I approached men looking to be rescued and saved from something. I had my own formula that never worked. When I look over my shoulder, I recognize situations and scenarios that I created (because I didn't know who I was or what my purpose was) where God literally shut doors in my face and removed me because I was too fixated on and too ignorant about what I thought I wanted and needed in terms of a man or a relationship. In fact, relationships, to me, were all about me being happy and getting what I wanted...what I thought that I deserved...about happily ever after...finding my other half...
God kept shutting doors to the point where I realized that He was trying to tell me something...show me something...He began to show me the real me....the “me” that HE had created...complete with skills sets and abilities that HE had pre-packed me with that HE wanted me to use for HIS glory. He began to unveil His purposes for me. He began to show me the reason that I was created. And I got excited because I could finally see me the way God saw me. My mindset began to change. How I dealt with men began to change. God began to send men my way that were platonic friends, not romantic interests. I began to engage in these 3-D friendships with guys, for the first time, deeply appreciating the richness of them without pressure or awkwardness.
I left out a minor detail. When I was 19, a friend gave me a copy of a "Letter from God", a beautifully written piece talking about how God had someone special for me, but it was only after I got to a point where I was satisfied exclusively with God that He would honor that promise. I was beginning to hear God for myself then and I felt Him speaking a promise to me that I believed in my heart that He would fulfill. I thought that I understood what that meant (to be exclusively satisfied with Him) but I really didn't at the time.
Fast forward to today...about 17 years later...and when I think about it, it makes me want to get up and run a few laps (praise break) because when I realized that God has done EXACTLY that and MORE in my life since I read and internalized that piece! Marvin Winans sings a song with Donnie McClurkin that says "Whoever thought I'd get to know You this way." I would NEVER have imagined that God would chase me until I caught Him and reveal Himself to me in ways that are inconceivable so that I would finally get to the point where I realized that in my life. He was enough.
During my years of disappointments and discouragement related to finding the right one, God educated me on Himself...the greatest love. He reprogrammed my mindset, taught me what real love was...not just romantic love, but love for all people. He showed me how to love Him, how to love myself, how to love others. He developed me in terms of my purpose related to my career and ministry activities. I developed a pure joy in doing things for God. He became my man, my world. I became satisfied with Him...He was the one who rescued me, saved me...I'd finally gotten to the point where I told God that if He never gave me anyone that I knew that my life would be full because He was my life. I never thought I would be able to say that I was His girl and He was my world. Wholeness came from Him. I was complete in Him. I truly found myself in Him.
God kept revealing that He did have someone for me and me for someone that He had personally crafted. Periodically, the Holy Spirit would speak out of nowhere about it and because it was so random, I knew that it was God. God gave me several dreams about my husband/marriage. God also spoke to me that my husband would be human and would disappoint because he was human and that I was never to look to him in the ways that I look to God...that there were certain places and spaces that only God would fill and that shouldn't expect my husband to fill. God showed me that He was planning our union for His purpose first, but that it would be enjoyable at the same time (for His glory and our good). That we would minister side by side, in essence...God told me that my husband would see me the way God saw me...my purpose...God in me...vice versa… I'd read something you'd written a while ago about being seen... That touched me. In fact, the Holy Spirit has used a lot of what I've read that you've written to remind me, inform me, direct me. Let God continue to use you!
So, I thought I'd share. Hopefully, it's not too scatterbrained and you are able to see a bit of my journey to wholeness, completeness and real life...ready to be joined with my partner in life...! Through this journey, my faith has developed regarding believing that God would do what He said He would do...In fact, just recently, out of the blue again, He let me know that my season of singleness was over...just spoke it quietly into my spirit. I'm looking forward to ALL that He has in store...!
Blessing on you, Shellie! I'm praising God for healing and restoration today!!!