Friday, November 29, 2013

An Ounce of Prevention: 'Are You TOO NEEDY in Relationships?'


There's nothing like hearing things from a man's point of view, which is why I go on men's websites to do a bit of "eavesdropping" from time to time.

According to "5 Signs of a Needy Woman":

A needy woman can be among the most frustrating aspects of a man’s romantic life. The problem is, a lot of chicks have no clue when they're acting like the human version of Velcro. Whether her needy behavior is subtle or overtly obvious, it can cause a lot of unnecessary and exhausting drama and put a major strain on your relationship. Below are five signs that will help you recognize whether or not your dating a needy woman.

1. She wants to stay in touch all the time. A needy woman will blow up your phone with a gazillion calls and text messages along with excessive emails. She also expects you to call and text her multiple times a day. She needs to know where you're going at all times and will begin to feel restless and angry if you are late contacting her.

2. She wants your attention all the time. A needy woman feels like she deserves your attention at all times, even if your busy talking to someone else, working on something or just relaxing by yourself. She demands to be by your side as often as possible and hand-holding and nonstop body contact is mandatory. She's a controlling woman who feels as if she owns you and discourages you from spending time with your friends.

3. She thinks you don't love her as much as she loves you. A needy woman demands to analyze everything about your relationship and thinks that constantly bringing up problems in the relationship will make you a better man. She'll tell you that she feels like she's the only one trying to hold the relationship together, and if she doesn't see you wearing the shirt she bought you three months ago, she thinks that you don't care about her anymore.

4. She's constantly worried about being dumped. If you forget to say "I love you" at the end of a conversation, she thinks the relationship is coming to an end. Due to previous disappointments and painful experiences with men, she is a psychologically unstable individual who needs constant reassurance that you are still there and haven't dumped her.

5. She has no life of her own. She's afraid to have her own interests, always glues herself to you and follows you around all the time instead of doing her own thing. She wants to spend every bit of her free time with you and wears out her welcome rather quickly.

Which led me to another article I read from a young cat (25) entitled "5 Signs You're Being Needy":

1 – You call, email, and/or text too much. If you’re over-communicating your partner, you’re bound to be single. You don’t need to be checking in every two hours. If you want to run a woman or man off quickly, this is one of the best ways to do it.

2 – You are overly-emotional. You share all of your feelings right away and you always doubt yourself. You need constant reassurance about your relationship, work and friendships. That is a instant turnoff. Most people interested in a relationship look for a strong partner they can lean on. So if you are always leaning on your partner, they might doubt your ability to do this. Remember, women and men want a partner who is confident and independent–not insecure and dependent.

3 – You are always available. This means you’re too available. Nobody wants a man/woman who are always available because it makes them think that you don’t have a life of your own, making you far less desirable. Being a challenge to your partner makes you more desirable. When you meet someone you like, show interest in them, but ensure that you keep your regular schedule and don’t be available every single day.

4 – You do whatever they want. You let your partner walk all over you and then continue to be a doormat and allow it over and over, giving up things you really value in an effort to align your life with their wishes. This is a instant turnoff no matter what their actions are displaying. Women and men are not looking for a partner who agrees with everything they say. They are looking for someone confident who can stimulate their minds and not bore them. Don’t be a yes man or yes woman.

5 – You need constant reassurance. You constantly need to hear how great you are and you constantly need your partner to stroke your ego. This is a sign that you have low-self esteem, high insecurities and a poor self-image of yourself. This behavior can become tiresome to most people because they don’t want to deal with a partner that needs constant assurance.

Which finally led me to an article that a woman wrote: "5 Ways We Sabotage Our Relationships". Because although you really can lose a good man by being needy, there are other ways that you (YOU) can bring your relationship to an end as well:

1. Needing To Be Right: If it is more important to you to be right or have the last word than to have a loving and close relationship, this will get in the way for you time after time.

2. Trying To Control Others: When you think you can change the way others act and feel, it's a no win situation.  You will be constantly frustrated and the other person will feel judged and put down.  This leads to both of you shutting down and no problems solved.

3. Withdrawing: If you don't talk about what's bothering you or leave a discussion without being honest or start doing more things with others, then you have become emotionally unavailable to your partner.  Once disengaged you will both feel hurt and rejected and alone and no problems get resolved.

4. Trying To Get Back At The Other Person: If you go by the "You Hurt Me So I Can Hurt You Back" rule chances are you will just create an ongoing battlefield in the relationship.  It really is just "Offending From The Victim Position" which is still offending.

5. Saying Everything You Think Or Feel With No Filter: We don't have the right to dump our fears, anger, lust, interpretations, accusations, etc onto others without their permission.  We have to respect our own boundaries but we also have to respect those we love.  Some people think they have to tell the people they love everything and right away or they aren't really close.  Well, not everything we have to say is necessary or important to share and if it's pushing people away you have to ask yourself, "Is this working for me?"

Good stuff. Forward it along. Um, to the needy chicks...



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