Friday, November 8, 2013
An Ounce of Prevention: 'Don't Crowd Your Marriage Bed'
I was doing a bit of 'net surfing and "happened upon" (Proverbs 16:33-AMP) a news feature entitled "The Women Who Only Ever Had Sex with Their Husbands". I must admit that I was surprised to see that 24 percent of women (in the UK) have only had sex with their covenant partners (which yes, means they were virgins when they got married) and that, on average, women have had four partners prior to marriage. (Hmph.)
Anyway, as someone who used to be super carnal on the topic of marital sex and say that I didn't want to marry a virgin and as someone who knows quite a few women who think that way (which at the end of the day, you're saying you don't want someone who is *pure* but who is experienced...something to think about), I wanted to share an excerpt from what one of the married couples who've only been with each other had to say:
Angie, 64, and Edson, 71, from Rowlands Castle, Hampshire, met at work - he was an accountant and she an accounts supervisor. Like Angie, Edson, then 26, was a virgin.
'It helped that it was the first time for both of us so I wasn't thinking “He knows what he's doing and I don't”,' recalls Angie. 'It was quite painful that first time but, like good wine, our sex life improved with age.'
Angie, who doesn't have children, says that one reason neither she nor Edson has been tempted to stray is that they have maintained a regular sex life.
'We've had sex at least once a week right the way through our married life - the only time we didn't was when I had a hysterectomy, aged 49, because it was too uncomfortable for about six weeks afterwards,' she says.
'I don't understand couples who let the sex disappear from their relationships - we both think it's very important.'
But after almost half a century with the same man, hasn't she ever felt that she might be missing out?
'My hairdresser teased me when he learnt I'd never been with any other men. He said “How do you know he's any good?”,' recalls Angie. 'I said “Of course he is, otherwise I wouldn't still be with him!”'
Edson, too, feels fortunate. 'I've honestly never wondered how it would be with someone else,' he says. 'My relationship with Angie has been so satisfying that it hasn't occurred to me that I might enjoy being with someone else.'
Relate's Paula Hall agrees. 'People's lives are rarely richer for having had lots of sexual partners,' she says. 'Most people who do would tell someone in a monogamous relationship “I wouldn't waste your time, if you're happy and have found someone it works with”.'
I know a couple of couples who were virgins when they got married. One of the wives told me "I don't know if my husband is 'bad in bed'. What I do know is that he loved me enough to wait, I fully trust him and that makes me feel pleasure even before he touches me. For me, that's better than pure sexual performance."
And that will preach.
If you're a virgin, this article is just one more reason to wait.
If you're not and you're sexually active, here's one more reason to stop.
Sex is a mind, body *and spirit-ual* experience. The Message Version of I Corinthians 6:16-20 tells us so. Don't be so consumed with the physical benefits of sex that you ignore its spiritual purpose. A marriage bed being undefiled does not mean "anything goes" (I wish people would look up what undefiled actually means...geeze-Hebrews 13:4). A marriage bed being undefiled means that it is pure---this would include mentally and emotionally (something also to think about if you watch porn or you masturbate).
The choices that you make now will influence who you are later.
Therefore, try and keep folks out of your single bed...
So that your thoughts, desires and past experiences won't "crowd" your marriage one.