There's nothing like hearing what a man is thinking *from an actual man*. This is a straight copy and paste from relationship coach Chey B. and it has some really good points in it. Oh, and when it gets to the sex slave part...earlier today, I was talking to a 28-year-old man who told me that a 30-year-old woman who he met (sigh) two weeks ago was sending naked pictures to his phone. Hmph. Amazing how a lot of people would automatically want to say that something was wrong with *him* but there's something very broken about a woman that would do that. Yeah...but I'll touch on how there are a lot of ways to "show too much" even if you do keep all of your clothes in a post soon. For now, here's the piece from Chey (and make sure to really hone in on the part in bold):
Before a man even approaches a woman, he knows exactly which role he wants that woman to play in his life. With each and every woman that he meets, he looks for ways she can add value to his life. With this in mind, it’s essential that you always put your best foot forward because the introduction is everything! The image that you present sets the tone for the value he places on you. From the very first moment he lays eyes on you, you will be categorized as one or more of the following: 1) A potential wife 2) A potential sex slave 3) A potential resource.
It’s true that a man will categorize a woman based on her presentation and treat her according to the category he placed her in, but in addition to that, what prompts him to entertain any one of these types of women is the way he feels about himself. The way he feels about himself is always subject to change, but is primarily inspired by his spiritual, emotional, and financial stability. The best way to evaluate whether or not a man is emotionally, spiritually, or financially stable is by simply taking the time to get to know him prior to sleeping with him. Once you’ve slept with him, you’ll have already made yourself vulnerable to him emotionally, and will tend to overlook his shortcomings as a result.
When a man is not financially stable, he won’t be ready, willing, or able to pursue a relationship or a marriage. At this point in his life, he can’t afford a commitment, and it’d be more beneficial for him to pursue a woman who offers sex and resources. When a man is not emotionally available, he won’t allow a woman to get close to his heart, but he’ll gladly let a woman get close to his body as it will take his mind off of his problems. In the case, he will seek out the woman who offers sex! When a man is not spiritually grounded, there’s a chance he will choose any of the three options, however, the quality of those relationships will always be at risk because he has no principle based focus.
Each and every woman has an opportunity to show the world who they are, and the choices they make will determine who will choose to associate with them and the lack thereof. Many people make decisions that reflect their character but are ignorant to the fact that what they did or what they said does in fact portray who they are to the world! We’ve all gone to the mall, tried on clothes, and looked at ourselves in the mirror saying “This is ME!!!” Well when you wear those provocative outfits anywhere out in public, you’re saying to the world “This is ME!!!” So before a man has the opportunity to even walk up to you and say hello, he already has an idea of who you are, and will categorize you accordingly.
If a man decides to approach this provocatively dressed woman, he automatically knows that at the very least, he wants to have her as his sex slave. A sex slave is the value that he feels she can/will add to his life based on the way she presented herself. He’ll assume that because she’s dressed this way that her esteem is low, and she’s looking for attention. A man who’s not financially stable, emotionally unavailable, or spiritually grounded doesn’t have to invest anything more than time & energy into this type of woman, because in many cases, that’s all she requires.
If for example a man is struggling financially, or has been hurt, abandoned, or disappointed by a woman in his past relationship(s), it will cause him to close his heart off to the possibility of love. When a man is on the prowl looking for a woman in this state of mind, he will settle for the ones who in some way shape or form embody these very same characteristics. It’s an unhealthy solution to his problem, but it’s a road that many men take just to help them get by. You don’t want to find yourself caught up with a man who has this state of mind, because his misery can rub off on you.
It takes a man quite some time to become spiritually grounded, financially stable, and emotionally available, but when he does, he’s more likely to search for a woman using his heart. What this means is he’ll be motivated to pursue a woman not only by her outer beauty, but also by her inner beauty. A woman can show her inner beauty by being selfless and being kind to others, and by giving off positive vibes. When a man is looking for a relationship of substance, he will want to pursue a woman who embodies the qualities of a wife, and will overlook anything less for this position.
Women who show they have low self esteem make easy targets for men who aren’t at their best. What’s worst is, since a man categorizes you before he meets you, he will limit how close you can get to his heart. No matter how many years you’ve been dealing with each other, or how much you’ve been through, it’s the introduction that’s making him act so cold and never warming up to you. He didn’t respect you or himself when he accepted you into his life, and if you’re still in his life, he’ll resent the fact that he hasn’t outgrown you. Your purpose in his life was never to walk down the aisle; this was decided before he even met you! Your purpose in his life was dependent on the way you first presented yourself, and on the current position he was in when he met you.
Sometimes a woman may have access to something that a man needs, and he may say that as an opportunity to get closer to the real prize. If he’s unable to go directly for the gold, he’ll reach the gold through you! He’ll play whatever part he needs to play in order to keep the resources coming, however your purpose in his life was never to be more than just a resource. No matter how much you do for him, or how good you are to him, he has already placed you in a category that works for him, and has no intention on letting you out. What you want and need from a relationship is a man who’s with you for love, and can appreciate the extra added bonuses that come along with an open, honest, loving, and caring relationship.
Any and everything you do, from the car you buy, to the dress you wear, to the words you speak is a reflection of your character. When a man looks for a woman, he’s the equivalent of a casting director. He’s looking for characters that fit the role for the leading lady in his life! Always present yourself as the person you want to be known and remembered as. Carry yourself with dignity and integrity no matter where you go, or who you feel is watching, because people (especially men) are always watching. You won’t always be given a second chance to show a man who you are, so take full advantage of the first opportunity you get and make a great, long lasting impression.
Physical beauty will certainly get a man’s attention, but it certainly will not keep a man’s attention. If lord forbid something were to happen to your physical appearance or ability to produce sexual stimulation, you may find yourself abandoned by the man you thought pursued you for love. From the very beginning though, he’s already made up in his mind that this woman is simply someone he’d like to have as a sex slave and nothing more. When a man determines that you’re worth less, he’ll never treat you like you’re worth more. He instead will utilize her for what he does in fact feel she’s worth (sex).
When a man comes across a woman he feels is The One, he will do everything in his power to both get and keep her. He’ll be open and willing to take a chance on love not only because of the way she looks, but also because of the way she makes him feel. There will be no doubt in his mind that she’s the one for him; in fact, any doubts about her being “The One” will only be put in place by “her” actions throughout the relationship. Choosing the right woman will be dependent on both the woman’s presentation, and the position he is currently in financially, emotionally & spiritually. So ladies, half the battle is the man being “ready”, the other half is making sure you are presenting yourself as someone who’s ready. Always present yourself as the person you want to be known and remembered as.
ALWAYS PRESENT YOURSELF AS THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE KNOWN AND REMEMBERED AS.
Words to live and love by.