Monday, January 20, 2014
An Ounce of Prevention: 'Seven Signs You’re a Rebound'
I know far too many women who are serial daters...
Going from guy-to-guy-to-guy-to-guy and all the while professing to be "single". Yet here's the thing, if you're *truly single*, that means you're whole (being that it's one definition of single) and when you're truly whole, you tend to not want to fractionate your time, energy or time with multiple people. You tend to be more...selective.
So as you're reading this piece, if your dating has a pattern, don't just ask if you are someone else's rebound but if you are using someone else as your rebound too:
Your friends warn you that your new relationship might be a rebound, as your date’s last relationship didn’t end all that long ago. Here are a few things to look for if you suspect you might be a rebound.
Everyone has baggage. But if your date is known to mutter, “All girls are gold diggers,” or “Most guys are dogs,” he/she still has some broken-heart healing to do before embarking on a new relationship adventure. Even if the bitterness seems directly aimed at the ex and not at the ex’s gender in general, there’s still a negative energy there that will only stall a new romance before it takes off.
If you get the sense that your date is just happy to be dating someone — anyone, really — and not you in particular, don’t ignore that red flag. Even without ill intentions, your date could be using you to help soothe the sting of a breakup rather than taking the time to really get to know you and fall for you for the right reasons. These relationships are often lonely and ultimately doomed.
The “Ex” Talk
He talks about his ex all the time. He mentions that you look like her, or that your mannerisms or interests remind him of her. He takes you places his once took his ex — and tells you so. If he’s still preoccupied with someone else, he’s not ready to fully move on.
The “Ex” Remains
Even though the breakup was clearly recent, she says she’s still friends with her ex. Sure enough, Facebook confirms they’re still in contact — or worse, still “in a relationship.” Picture frames at her place have yet to be emptied of “happier times” memories. She still wears his sweater and doesn’t seem to acknowledge that it’s date-inappropriate. If the recent ex is still an active part of your date’s daily life, you’re likely a rebound.
Physical, Not Emotional
If you’re feeling like there’s too much emphasis on your physical relationship, there probably is. A tell-tale sign of a rebound relationship is one that’s very physical, with little emotional substance. If your new love interest consistently steers conversations away from vulnerability or puts up a wall every time you try to dig deeper emotionally, he/she isn’t ready for anything serious.
Friends Are Surprised He’s Dating Again
If his friends (or yours) are raising their eyebrows at the speed with which he started dating again post-breakup, the new relationship might be poorly timed. Sometimes it’s wise to trust the red flags coming from others.
If your date can’t make a single relationship decision — or even a commitment for next Friday night — he/she is likely still adjusting to a life of singleness. She might not be used to operating independently. He might be “keeping his options open” because he felt he “settled” last time. A rebound relationship is often an undefined one, with little security or commitment offered from the recently single one.
Oh, I read another article entitled "8 Easy Ways to Tell You Are in a Rebound Relationship" that had some good and similar points. You can read it here. For now, I want to include its first point because speaking of being a serial dater...
You Just Want to Date Someone
Do you find yourself just wanting to date someone? Do you think that maybe, you just want to not be lonely anymore? This could absolutely be one of the top signs it's a rebound relationship girls. You want to be with Mr. Right for all of the right reasons, not just because he is someone that is there. Remember, it might be difficult to think that way, but do you even like the guy that you are dating?