Saturday, January 4, 2014
"On Fire": Are You Sure You and 'He' Have the Same INTENTIONS?
Just a little while ago...
I was reading an article by a life coach and author that caused me to look for more of his quotes. The book that he has for single women is entitled God Where Is My Boaz: A woman's guide to understanding what's hindering her from receiving the love and man she deserves, although I must admit that the one that caught *my* attention more was How to Get a Woman to Have Sex With You If You're Her Husband (LOL). I think it's because I sit in a lot of sessions where wives seem to "conveniently ignore" I Corinthians 7:5. An ounce of prevention for singles: a sexless marriage gives the devil a lot of room (A LOT OF ROOM) to do some pretty crazy things in a marriage.
But that's another message for another time...
Anyway, the first quote of his that I read was “Don't let the belief that nobody will love you, keep you in a relationship where you aren't getting the love you need.” (True.) Then I read some other quotes that I definitely believe some of us "On Fire" women should put up on their refrigerator (or bathroom mirror):
“Don't let feeling lonely push you into the arms of a person who will make you miserable.”---Stephan Labossiere
“Some people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone, but that does not always mean they are supposed to get it back.”---Stephan Labossiere
"His attention means nothing if you don't have his respect.”---Stephan Labossiere
“Sometimes the guy you think is too nice, is just the guy trying his hardest to love you.”---Stephan Labossiere
“I'd rather die holding on to the love I believe in, than to live embracing a love that's a lie.”---Stephan Labossiere
“Ignoring your intuition telling you this person is not for you will likely lead to more time wasted and more disappointments along the way.”---Stephan Labossiere
And this one. Especially...
“If you continue to entertain 'boys', don't be upset when you can't find a 'man'.---Stephan Labossiere
A-Men. And A-MAN (LOL). I have stated, more than once, that I am not fond of the word "boyfriend". Not because I haven't had them but because time and experience have taught me that I had them in ignorance. Especially as an adult. Why a grown woman wants a *BOYfriend* makes very little sense to me (now). Especially when you take into account what one definition of "boy" actually is: "a young man who lacks maturity, judgment, etc." Grown people tend to put away childish things (I Corinthians 13:11). That's why I discern (Proverbs 2) that it's healthier to have *male friends*, let things happen freely and organically, and then if it's time, God's time (Ecclesiastes 3:11), to take something to another level, don't *play house*. Don't "act married" either. Put steps towards *getting married*. If you keep settling for he-lacks-maturity-and-judgment friend, um, ships, how can you expect more than what comes with that? After all, *mature people are the ones who are ready for marriage...because they are the ones who have mature relationships*.
And on the heels of that, here's the thing...
What ultimately led me to Labossiere was a quote that I read from another guy, an English actor by the name of Hugh Bonneville. It's a simple one that packs a pretty big punch: "I had girlfriends, but settling down was the last thing on my mind."
Uh-huh. That right there? Therein lies the root and the complete waste of time, effort and energy of many women: Being a girlfriend (GIRLfriend) with a guy who doesn't mind having a girlfriend...but has absolutely no intention (NO INTENTION) on making her his wife.
And the really unfortunate thing is that a lot of women find themselves investing months (if not years) of their time being someone's girlfriend assuming (ASSUMING) that it will someday transition into becoming a fiancee' and then a wife when just like Mr. Bonneville said, for a lot of guys, settling down is *the last thing* that is on their minds (especially if you're doing all of the things that a wife does without the paperwork *or* God's permission/blessing). When this happens, you're not a *victim*. You're simply someone who *settled*.
So how can you avoid all of this?
One thing is to get clear on a guy's *intentions*.
On the first date? Eh. That's pretty premature.
But when it looks like it's headed towards boyfriend/girlfriend land, please don't be so excited about (or desperate for) that kind of title that you don't discuss what his *intentions* are for and with you beforehand. What he's mentally determining to do. What his purpose and aim is for being with you. And the most relevant definition to this post: "purpose or attitude with respect to marriage". Your heart, your time, your needs, your desires...YOU are far too valuable to "wing it" and/or "wait and see" how things go. A guy who wants to make you his girlfriend needs to be clear on exactly (EXACTLY) what that means and what comes with that. Before you look up and realize that you had a "Mr. Bonneville" and not a husband contender.
Healthy relationships only work (and last) when both people have the same intentions and are committed to manifesting them. And you're worth knowing what those are.
Don't settle for less.
Life's too short. You're too special.
And you deserve to have, not a boy but a man anyway.
Life with intention. Date (preferably court) with intention too.