Sunday, February 16, 2014
An Ounce of Prevention: 'Be A Priority, Not A “Convenience”'
As I was speed reading this piece, five things jumped out at me (and not in any particular order):
1) A man needs PEACE OF MIND. Amazing how many women don't make that a *priority* in their relationships.
2) This sentence: "Once a convenience becomes an inconvenience for you, then it’s time to re-evaluate your position in that relationship, require more, or position yourself in a more beneficial relationship." I remember complaining to a married woman years ago about my *boyfriend* and she said to me "Shellie, you are not married. You don't have to stay like I do. There's a big difference between a husband and a boyfriend. Break up." Indeed.
3) "Every day you should live your life with purpose." As you read the article, you'll see where Chey B is coming from. It really is fascinating how often it appears that people are not asking God "Does this person serve a purpose in my life?" and "Do I serve a purpose in theirs?" being that we're here to *fulfill purpose* (Psalm 20:4) and all.
4) "You have to believe in your heart that you are worthy of greatness." In other words, *you have to stop settling*!
5) And finally...I mean, the Universe is practically screaming for women to keep their pants (and panties) on: "Your vagina is your negotiating power! Once you give a man your body, you no longer have any room to negotiate, and you’ll be stuck giving this man Food, Sex & Peace of Mind trying to figure out “What am I doing wrong? I’m giving him everything a man needs, but he’s not giving me what I need… How can I fix this?” It’s too late! You are now officially his convenience because you did too much too soon." I mean, what is it that the Message Version of I Corinthians 6:16-20 say (in part): "Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never 'become one.' There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for 'becoming one' with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit?"
It's a man who penned "Be a Priority, Not a Convenience". I hope we'll all take heed!
Every one in this world has value; we are all worthy of being happy, healthy, and prosperous. Often times we sell ourselves short and never achieve greatness because we don’t believe in our own hearts that we are worthy or that we can do it. This fear of yourself will keep you on the ground, as opposed to elevating you to new heights. If you will settle for less, people will give you less; if you will settle for more, people will give you more. Things that are convenient in life often have high frequency visits because gaining access doesn’t require much work. There’s nothing wrong with being a convenience to someone, just so long as the arrangement is mutually beneficial.
Once a convenience becomes an inconvenience for you, then it’s time to re-evaluate your position in that relationship, require more, or position yourself in a more beneficial relationship. Place value on your time, energy, effort, money, and resources; not everyone who’s around your circle needs to be in your circle. When it comes to building relationships, it’s essential that you set your own personal goals for your life, and with each person you meet, you give them a place in your life depending on whether or not that are in alignment with your goals.
Without a plan, without goals, without any idea of what you want your relationship to be like in the future, you will inevitably find yourself settling for whatever/whoever is most comfortable at the moment. If you want your relationship to be a success in the end, you have to have a successful beginning. Always begin with the end in mind. There are billions of people in this world, and you only need “one”; you don’t have to accept just anyone, you can develop a plan of action and get exactly what you need from a significant other.
Key word significant! Your significant other is someone who is worth mentioning, someone you’re proud to be with, someone you’re looking forward to growing with. When it comes to someone who is merely a convenience, you can barely see past the end of the month with this person, let alone a lifetime. This is your life we’re talking about, and you’re not getting any younger; every day you live your life should be lived with purpose. When it comes to people you give your time to, you should add people add value to your life, and subtract the people who don’t.
As you continue to grow as a person, your values and your priorities will change, and so will your desire to associate with certain individuals. Depending on your current position in life, you may feel as though a convenience is exactly what you need. That person who agrees to be a convenience more than likely feels the exact same way about you. The only problem with that is the foundation of your relationship is not build on anything solid; the foundation of a convenience is based on temporary short-term satisfaction which doesn’t last.
Once one or both parties finds themselves, and develops love for themselves, they will no longer need you. Finding the “perfect match” isn’t about finding someone who has the same exact thing you have; finding a match is about finding someone who can produce something your life is missing. The last thing you want to be missing from your life is love and happiness because it’s impossible to give out something you are without. If your source for love and happiness dwells in someone else, then you’ll be left unfulfilled if that person is a) unavailable or b) decides to leave you.
You are worth more than a quick lay and a brief stay; there is someone out there who will love, cherish, honor, and be loyal to you, and you won’t have to share him with anyone. You have to believe in your heart that you are worthy of greatness; the way you prove this is by disassociating yourself from failures. Once you change your heart, you will change your mind, which will prompt you to make better choices for your life and your relationships. The key is to have Faith and believe that God knows your heart, he knows the work you need to do on yourself, and he knows the type of man you need in order to achieve relationship success. #GodIsLove
Men are simple and only require Food, Sex & Peace of Mind; if you give this to a man, you will certainly have no problem keeping him around. But that’s not the end; keeping him around is merely a convenience. Now that you know what makes him happy, you need to sit down at the table and negotiate before any “goods” are distributed. A man will do ANYTHING for the opportunity to sleep with a woman; with this in mind, you need to take this opportunity to set standards and requirements, otherwise you will fall in the trap of being his convenience.
Your vagina is your negotiating power! Once you give a man your body, you no longer have any room to negotiate, and you’ll be stuck giving this man Food, Sex & Peace of Mind trying to figure out “What am I doing wrong? I’m giving him everything a man needs, but he’s not giving me what I need… How can I fix this?” It’s too late! You are now officially his convenience because you did too much too soon. Sex is the ultimate goal for a man, so if you give it to him on day one, you’ll be lucky if you see him on day 2 (especially if the sex was bad). Even if the sex was bad, he may give you a call just to feel something wet and warm, but he won’t much more use for you outside of the bedroom.
Men are very simple and do not require much; but you, you’re a female and you want the WORLD! A man can sleep with multiple different women 7 days a week with no emotional attachment, and no desire for any type of future whatsoever. Don’t get your little heart broken trying to play a man’s game; don’t get yourself caught up in the convenience trap. If you want more than Food, Sex & Peace of Mind, then you need to require it, otherwise, men will continue to take you for a test drive until you’re completely out of miles, and then move right along to the next.
It’s important to have actual conversations about short-term and long-term goals, just to see how a person feels about their life and to see where they plan on going in the future. A man knows the role he wants a woman to play in his life before he even meets her. Getting to know someone properly is essential to relationship success and it will help you to differentiate what is suspense and what is substance. Instead of allowing someone to treat you like a convenience, give your time to someone who will treat you like a priority. You are worth it!
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Life & Relationship Coach
Good food for the soul!