Tuesday, February 25, 2014

An Ounce of Prevention: 'Why Men Prefer to Keep It Simple'



I know there are two "Quotes of the Day" posts (under this) this week. I sensed that there needed to be. Some real gems are in both. And as I was doing some praying for the "On Fire" women this morning, "impatient" (IMPATIENT) is what came to mind. So, I will work on a piece on that when I finish a couple of other deadlines.

In the meantime, I "happened upon" (Proverbs 16:33-AMP) a website with the name And That's Why You're Still Single (cute) and I must admit that I dig this particular article. It's a bit of an "ouch" but as my mother used to say pretty often "Surgery hurts but it cures":

A man and woman meet at a party. They become Facebook friends, occasionally trading wall posts or messages. After a few months the woman suggests to the man that they meet for a drink. She suggested a time and a few possible meeting places. He countered with a different time and location. She replied and agreed to the location, and asked to keep things at the time she suggested due to a previous engagement. He never replied. She went ahead and went to the location they originally decided upon at the time she suggested. He never showed. She contacted him, asking if she had gotten the nights mixed up. No response.  She followed up once more a week later and asked if he wanted to try again. He replied and told her he wasn’t interested in meeting up, and thanked her in advance for understanding. The woman was confused, wondering how someone could go from one point to the other like that and then stand her up. Her friend told her that she didn’t buy that he never wanted to meet her in the first place, as he suggested a time and a place. The friend also felt his response was condescending and dismissive.

Okay. Let’s break this one down point by point.

1. This man did not stand her up – As we were discussing recently in an earlier post this week, unless the two of you verbalize an understanding or agreed upon time and location, consider the date tentative at best. He never replied to her request to keep it at the original time she suggested because he never was all that interested in meeting up. When a man doesn’t reply, that’s your answer.

2. His response, while abrupt and with a sting, was honest - We can say we want honesty. We can even demand it.  But we can’t control the delivery. Nor can we can control how we feel once we get it.  Personally, I much prefer a direct approach than something flowery. I once had a man use a Winston Churchill quote with me as he delivered his truth. “I am always ready to learn although I do not always like to be taught.” As pretentious and douchey as that is, it was an appropriate quote.  We want to hear the reason why someone doesn’t want us. At least we say we do. And then we hear it and it bites. Ultimately, though, it unburdens us.

3. We’re right when we say that it makes no sense that someone go from point A to Point B so quickly and unceremoniously – They don’t. That’s because they were always at Point B. Someone can agree to meet up with absolutely no genuine interest in you. Maybe they’re bored or have time to kill. Or maybe they plan on canceling last minute. Just because someone accepts an invitation doesn’t mean they feel or sense what we feel or sense.When you find yourself wondering why or how someone could go from hot to cold, it’s because they were probably already cold. Why did they do this or say that? Who knows. What matters is the final outcome. There’s your answer.

4. When someone is rejecting you, you are being dismissed - If it feels dismissive, that’s because it is. There isn’t really any easy way to say it. Where men are concerned, at least, there is no softening up the inevitable blow to the gut. That’s why they deliver such news rather bluntly. They are talking to you they way people talk to them and they way they talk to other men. It’s quicker. More merciful. Which, frankly, I prefer.

5. Keep it simple, stupid - That’s the motto most men adhere to. The main reason why men keep it brief is this: they know some women have a tendency to over analyze and read things in to their words. By keeping it succinct and to the point, there’s less of a chance of that.   So while it feels like they are being abrupt, they’re really just trying to be precise so as to avoid confusion. Guys, if you want something to be over with little extended conversation, keep it short and sweet and to the point. You are not doing us favors by writing prose or manifestos. In fact, you’re completely contradicting yourself when you do so. The other problem with writing too much is that you can end up overwhelming her with details and information that leave her completely confused, which will only lead to more questions from her. There’s a point where the brain just shuts down and can no longer process all the things being thrown its way.

Yep. Just because you cast a guy to have a leading role in your romantic comedy, don't be mad when he would prefer to be an extra---off camera. (LOL) Life is short. Be realistic *before* being romantic.

"It’s best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue. A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it."---Ecclesiastes 7:18(Message)



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