Sunday, March 23, 2014
An Ounce of Prevention: 'But... How Did You KNOW?'
I was reading an article this morning entitled 'What I Gave Up the Day I Got Married'. Here are some things that the author shared:
I gave up my heart. The moment I said "I do," my love was no longer my own. I gave another imperfect human being the ability to take me higher than I've ever been, but also the power too crush me to a million little pieces.
I gave up my privacy. I went home on June 8th in someone else's car, to sleep in someone else's bed and to breathe someone else's air. It would never, from that moment on, be just "me" anymore. It was now me and him and him and me. It was now our family, our home and our decisions. It's funny though, because the moment "I" became a "we," I realized what it really meant to be happy.
I gave up my name. The name I was known for my whole life, didn't define me anymore. I would be known by his name now. I was his to cherish, love, hold, laugh with, cry with, provide for and protect.
I gave up my secrets, my weaknesses, my thoughts, my mistakes and the things I hid from the world. Someone now would know. But, someone would also know exactly how to help me, love me and comfort me. Someone would know me so well that they would know what I needed without me ever asking. I would lose all the hidden parts of me, and gain a perfect understanding and love from someone else.
I gave up my agenda. I would have to cancel plans, rearrange my schedule, work longer hours, go to the grocery store when the car was available and cook dinner instead of taking a nap. And as the clock was ticking I would come to understand the reason I was given time in the first place.
I would give up dating different people. I no longer was available for anyone to take out. I was done meeting potential spouses because I had found mine. Yes, I could have dated more. Yes, there are lots of great people out there that I didn't meet, but no, there's no one else as perfect for me as my Ash. And yes, I can know that even though I dated less years than most people and yes I did know that when I picked him, which was WHY I picked him.
I gave up awkward dinner conversations and replaced them with evenings laying in my hubby's arms, with a round belly and no make up, sporting his sweats and an oversized T-shirt I won at some jazz game, eating microwave popcorn and watching Netflix and feeling more beautiful than a celebrity on the red carpet.
I like this because oftentimes people need to see that shifting from singleness to living the married life does require some real transitioning. You're going to gain a lot (if it's with the right individual, that is) but you're also going to lose some things as well.
Anyway, I peeped in the byline that her blog is entitled "Confessions of a Teenage Bride" and that definitely caught my attention. Although it is not advised, by most marriage counselors, to get married before the age of 25 (for *numerous reasons*), there are some exceptions to the rule. This young woman is obviously one of them; therefore, I thought some of you would enjoy/appreciate reading another post on her blog...because just as Adam and Eve had a different kind of love story than Isaac and Rebekah or Boaz and Ruth or Hosea and Gomer or even Joseph and Mary, *each love story comes with its own distinct fingerprint*---including your own. Some people know they met "the one" the moment they see the person. Some people do not realize it until years later. And some...some are like this young lady. Bottom line, stay open:
I still remember how pressing the look she gave me was. It was almost as if all the deep feelings of her heart were piercing me through her eyes.
It really was a good question, I thought, looking back at her.
"After all was said and done... After you went home and the chemistry and laugher was turned off... When you sat in your bed, by yourself and thought of him... How did you really truly know he was the one?"
Again, good question.
How did I know? How does anyone really know? Is that even possible, to know something so firmly in your heart, that nothing can dissuade you from believing it?
I believe you can.
In fact I KNOW you can, because I knew it with him.
As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I was always taught that if you desired to know something, you could pray and recieve personal revelation for your life. And I've always felt like God has led me in every decision I've made.
I've often heard people of many faiths and backgrounds describe having a single moment in which they knew and felt so strongly that the person they were dating, seeing, or even just met was the one. The type of moment where the heavens part and light shines down, or their whole body is overcome with warmth, or they have a dream that they know didn't happen by chance letting them know.
I am a firm believer that these things do happen.
But that didn't happen to me.
And that's okay.
I still know that the man I married was meant for me, as completely as if one of those things had happened.
I know, I know... "But how?"
For me, it was a bunch of small moments that when looked at through a birds eye view just made sense.
He had a bunch of little things that when combined made my heart happy and I just knew.
I just knew that I had been led to the person who would make me feel complete. He always had, and he always would.
Like the time he held me close, as we walked down the busy city street after our first date. He didn't think anything of it... But me, I felt safe and shielded from the cars that briskly passed, and the people who walked quickly by, obviously on a schedule, pushing past everyone in their path.
Or the time I caught him smiling at me when he thought I wasn't looking, and in that second I saw how much he loved me.
Then there was the time he brought me up the mountain blindfolded to surprise me with an evening staring down at the city lights, and he played my favorite band the whole way up. It was the sweetest thing to know that a few weeks before when I told him about the music I loved during a casual conversation, he was really listening to me.
And I'll never forget the time I wondered if he believed as strongly as I did in our faith, so we could always share in the same conviction. The very next day he shared his beliefs with me, and I knew he loved God as deeply as me.
He always has had a way of making me feel beautiful without even trying, and I knew he would continue to do that the rest of my life.
He was easy to talk to, when sharing my thoughts verbally never came easy to me.
He accepted me for who I was: the many quirks I had, and the silly way I did things... like how I ate pizza and watermelon with my fork instead of my hands.
I always felt peace when I was with him, I felt alive when I was with him and I felt whole when I was with him.
I never had a moment where the heavens opened and light shown down.
I never had any type of vision.
I never was overcome while going about my day with an overwhelmingly strong feeling that I was to marry him.
And that's okay.
Because I knew.