Tuesday, March 11, 2014
An Ounce of Prevention: A Wife Who Has Sex 360 DAYS Per Year and 'The Wife List: 10 Qualities'
So the quote really is enough for this "ounce of prevention" PSA.
Yet I did want to share an article on the topic; one that was once again (thumbs up!) written by a man. Now, what had me look it up is an engaged male friend of mine told me about another article entitled "'We had sex 360 days out of the year. It was more times than that.'—Wife" that he checked out recently. And yes, you did read that title correctly (LOL). Here's an excerpt:
Cousin-brother and his wife are in their 40s and have two children together. They’ve been together 22 years and married for 14. They are joyously happy in their relationship– my assessment, not their boasting– and they want to offer me some marriage advice. Great.
After the curve ball, the conversation starts easy enough. Cousin-brother says you never stop dating your wife. They’re married, but they make a point to act like boyfriend and girlfriend.
Okay. I’ve heard that before. I can get with that.
He says that’s how couples keep the romance going. That, and having sex every day.
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask. I couldn’t have heard that right. Daily?!
He repeats himself like he doesn’t think I heard him.
I flip around in the front seat– his wife insisted I sit there– to look at Wife. She nods and co-signs, sorta. “Well, not every day. Last year, I counted and we missed 5 days.”
Me to Wife: “You had sex. 360 times. In ONE YEAR?”
“No, no, no,” she clarifies. We had sex 360 days out of the year. It was more times than that.”
She’s looking at me like this is the most normal thing in the world. He’s driving along like this conversation isn’t a joke. I wait for someone to laugh. I’m clearly being “Punked.”
But nope. They’re forreal, forreal. This is their normal.
Y'all can click on the link up top to read it in its entirety. As far as my personal thoughts on it, I'm personally pretty impressed (LOL) and in direct response to it, I have my own story:
There is an older woman I know who passed away earlier this year. She was a former pastor's wife and she and her husband were married for well over 50 years. A couple of times, we would find ourselves at the same bridal shower and she would purchase the whitest, thinnest lingerie, *with no panties* attached (again LOL), for the bride-to-be. That was absolutely hilarious to me because in most settings, she appeared to be so prim and proper. Anyway, at one of the showers, we played an "advice to the bride" game. Do you wanna know what her's was?
"Never refuse your husband. Unless you are deathly ill."
Oh and please believe not everyone was pleased. She shrugged and said.
"I'm happily married, never been divorced and my husband still adores me. And I've been married most of my entire life. Who here can say the same?"
Talk about being able to hear a pin drop.
Now, it's my personal belief that a man who really loves you is going to want to have sex when you are feeling better than on your deathbed (LOL) yet I still get her point. And the other wife's too. Sex is an important part of marriage. According to I Corinthians 7:1-5 *very*. In fact, I'm getting to the point now of accepting that a part of what abstinence is doing for me is giving me some time to "store up" for all that is to come my way.
You see, one of the biggest issues that comes with fornication is that *single sex is selfish* (Philippians 2:3). Not only it is an act that basically says "I care more about our physical pleasure than our spiritual progress" (ouch, right?) but it's about having sex, always, on your own terms. It's not really about meeting the holistic needs of your partner. Just your own.
It's a shaky foundation to try and build anything healthy on. Sin always is. (Hebrews 13:4)
That said...and however...
I counsel more than enough married couples who *totally diss* what Paul was divinely inspired to say in I Corinthians 7:5 when he advised husbands and wives to not deprive (DEPRIVE) one another; that they give Satan room when they do. And as a direct result, their marriage is truly suffering.
Don't get it twisted...
Sex is a beautiful thing.
It's a fun thing.
It's meant to be an exclusive thing.
It's also a huge (HUGE) responsibility. Therefore, don't look at this as *just* a time of abstaining (or it it a time of torture?-LOL). Look at it instead as a time of preparation. 'Cause if you're trying to hang with the gal who has sex 360 days out of the year...you're gonna need it. ;-)
Now on to the other article that I read. One that shared 10 qualities that a lot of men look for in a wife. As you're reading these, take an honest assessment and see where you need to improve. Remember, Proverbs 18:22 says that a man who find a wife finds a good thing. I've always read that to mean that, in many ways, *she's already a wife* when he finds her:
1. She shares your beliefs
When it comes to finding your wife, I’ve heard “equally yoked.” It has nothing to do with weightlifting for those of you guys who like muscle women. Your potential wife should have the same beliefs you have. Now, you may think you can do some missionary dating, and turn that situation around so she will believe everything you do. You’re probably going to be very disappointed with some bad side effects. If you don’t have the same core beliefs…good luck.
2. She makes you a better man
If everyday is hell with her, that should be a red flag. Your potential wife should elevate you to Yourself 2.0. You can get a good idea from your friends and family. Do they say you act differently in a bad way when you are around her? Not a good sign. She should bring out the best in you, not bring out heartache and frayed nerves.
3. She’s trustworthy
In fact, she should inspire trustworthiness within you. If you don’t trust her, you’re probably making her as bitter as you’re making yourself. Not worth it. If you can’t trust her, maybe you’re not ready to date her or maybe you need to work on confidence issues within yourself. If there’s good reason not to trust her, don’t even go there. Just like any cheater, it’s bound to happen again.
4. She has ambition
She should have strength in character and carry herself with confidence. As a man, you should be the leader in the relationship, but for any dictators who feel justified here; we’re talking servant leadership. You probably don’t want the consummate follower either. She should have plans too. In fact, she should be a hard worker just like you. That doesn’t mean having a job is a requirement. One of my friends is a stay-at-home wife with three kids, and she works harder than any of my friends with careers.
5. She’s selfless
She should care about others. Look at the way she treats her family and her friends. If she’s not close with her family, and doesn’t have any good friends, that’s not a good sign. If you start dating her, much less marry her, you will discover why soon enough. Some questions to ask yourself: Does she care about causes? Does she go out and volunteer? Does she give change to the needy or buy them a meal? These are important characteristics to consider.
6. She’s attractive
In your eyes, she should be a “10.” When my wife walks in the room, I’m awestruck by her every time. She’s beautiful from the inside out. However, I’ve dated “hot” girls who ended up being downright ugly by the time we broke up. Personality plays into attractiveness big-time. Just remember, “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.” She should be beautiful down to her soul because that kind of beauty lasts forever.
7. She’s smart
You’re going to be spending a lot of time with her, so she should be able to hold a good conversation. She should be wise, smart, and give you good advice. Her women’s intuition should be strong. I look to my wife all the time for advice. She’s collected all sorts of wisdom from her mom. She remembers everything. Yes, everything…maybe too much.
8. She loves you unconditionally
If she’s trying to change you to be another person, it’s time to move on. Your future wife should love you just as you are, regardless of anything you’ve done in your past. There will be minor adjustments along the way, but if she nags you about your core characteristics, it won’t get any better in marriage.
9. She’s responsible
Does she remember appointments and meetings? Does she flake all of the time? She should already do a good job of managing her own life. If she’s got loads of debt and doesn’t work, you’re going to be taking all of that on. Ultimately, she will have some part in your financial well-being, and guess what? Finances remain one of the leading causes of divorce.
10. She gets along with your family and friends
If she doesn’t even try to connect with your family and/or friends, let her go. She shouldn’t be critical of the people who you love and have been loyal to you throughout your life. There might be cases where your mom doesn’t like your future wife, and that may require your intervention; but in general, she should be a good fit with the people in your life. Marriage is a joining of two lives that existed prior to meeting the other person.
That's a good list, y'all and any of us who are willing to take a humble look (Proverbs 22:4) would have to admit that after reviewing it, we're probably not as "ready and waiting" as we think. God is the Master of Timing (Acts 1:7-Message, Ecclesiastes 3:11). Praise him for his mercy and grace to give us time to do some "fine tweaking"...in our meantime.