Friday, March 21, 2014
"On Fire": Wait Until Your Wedding Night (BUT HAVE SEX ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT)
When I sit in on counseling sessions, I oftentimes share with the couples I'm talking to that, unfortunately, it's pretty common for a groom and bride to not have sex on their wedding night (I personally can name a few right off the top of my head that I know personally)---and that's a huge problem. Why? Well, what's the word that is often used to describe a marital union that's been solidified? Consummate, right? Yet have you ever really looked at the definition of the word:
Consummate: (verb) to bring to a state of perfection; fulfill; to complete (an arrangement, agreement, or the like) by a pledge or the signing of a contract; to complete (the union of a marriage) by the first marital sexual intercourse; (adjective) complete or perfect; supremely skilled
OK, so let's revisit Genesis 2:18-25(AMP) once more:
"And Adam gave names to all the livestock and to the birds of the air and to every [wild] beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and while he slept, He took one of his ribs or a part of his side and closed up the [place with] flesh.
And the rib or part of his side which the Lord God had taken from the man He built up and made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
Then Adam said, This [creature] is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of a man.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence."
God is the God of order (I Corinthians 14:40) and Psalm 37:23(NKJV) tells us "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way." Order is "an authoritative direction or instruction; command; mandate" and *in order* is "fitting; appropriate" and "in a state of proper arrangement, preparation, or readiness". When you look at the only place in earth's history when perfection transpired, sex didn't happen at the beginning of the relationship between Adam and the Woman. It came towards the end.
Adam had a relationship with God and was operating within his purpose.
God decided that it wasn't good for Adam to be without divine help and so he put him to sleep.
God made a woman from Adam and then brought the Woman to him.
Adam declared that she was his true helper.
God spoke that a man should leave his family and then become united to his wife by cleaving to her.
AND THEN they had sex.
Anything done out of order is...chaotic and chaos is not God's doing. (I Corinthians 14:33)
Even to this day.
OK, but let's not overlook the fact that the Word (John 1:1) does make it quite clear that sex did indeed go down at some point; that it's what *consummates* the marital union. In fact, in Jewish history, consummation was taken so seriously that this is how it happened at most wedding ceremonies:
The Seclusion Room
Amidst singing and dancing, the bride and groom… weave their way through the congratulating guests to the yihud (seclusion) room. It is customary for bride and groom to be alone for a period of time immediately following the marriage ceremony.
The complete seclusion of the couple in a closed room is a public act symbolizing their new status as husband and wife. Since this act, more than any other, signifies that they are truly married, a public awareness of their seclusion is required, and it must be attested to by qualified witnesses. The witnesses remain outside the door to ensure that no one enters until the couple have been alone for a reasonable period of time.
Yihud provides a period of respite for the newly married couple, an interval of tranquility for them to enjoy together in total solitude amidst the turmoil of the wedding. It is customary for the two to have their first meal as husband and wife together in the yihud room. Both will have been fasting all day, and this food will be their first of the day.
It is important that the yihud room be prepared before the wedding. It should provide absolute privacy. It should also have food for a light repast for the couple.
Yeah...that's the gentle approach to how things happened (LOL). Another website explains the ritual in this fashion:
The couple enters the chuppah room and consummates the marriage while the companions of the bride and groom wait and celebrate outside or in the next room.
The groom hands the bloodied "proof of virginity cloth" to the witnesses chosen by the bride's parents, who then give it to the bride for safekeeping.
The wedding feast. After consummation, the entire wedding party walks to the house of the groom in a procession for a wedding feast.
At the conclusion of the wedding feast, the couple has completed the ancient ritual of marriage.
The point is this: Once upon a time, a wedding was not the only thing that made a marriage. Sex did too. And honestly, it's *still* supposed to be that way. This should explain to us one, why God is so displeased when we move out of order by having sex before marital vows have taken place (Hebrews 13:4) and two why Satan, the thief who comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10), would do all that he can to prevent a husband and wife from having sex on their wedding night in order to yes, *complete* the day. To *perfect* the day. To *fulfill* the union. To *complete* the agreement/contract as well.
In fact, Satan has been getting away with couples avoiding consummation for so long that according to one news article (and I am soooooooo shaking my head):
More than half of couples DON'T have sex on their wedding night - mostly because the groom is too drunk.
Poll of 2,128 newlyweds found 52% don't have sex on wedding night
A quarter of the time groom gets too drunk, 13% of the time, bride
One in ten couples argue before the reception finishes
Yeah, that last thing? A lot of people are arguing at their reception because they know good and well that they had *no business* being married in the first place. That's another blog for another time, though.
I just wanted to share with you, as you're preparing for your future husband, that just as it's vitally important for you NOT to have sex until your vows, it's equally as important for you TO HAVE SEX on your wedding night. Not when you get around to it. That night. It completes the day.
In fact, I often tell people that I can usually discern those who have fornicated before their wedding day. Indeed, folks who want to shut the reception down fascinate me. You would rather eat chicken all night than have sex? You would rather out-dance everyone on the floor than have sex? You would rather help to clean up the reception site than have sex?
Hmph. Not me.
I am waiting now because God told me to...
After those vows, though...yeah, I can dance and eat chicken with y'all another time. (LOL)
Some of y'all will be needing this tip sooner than later, so I felt led to put it on your radar.
Wait until your wedding night. But on your wedding night, don't wait.
Consummation is important.
God said so.