Tuesday, April 22, 2014

An Ounce of Prevention: 'Female Pride and Dating – the Good and the Bad'

http://www.familytreecounseling.com/kathysblog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/what-goes-between-a-good-relationship-pride.jpg

Yeah...

This author had me at this:

"In the end, the most desperate behavior is that which is governed by fear of coming across as desperate. In other words, what makes a woman truly desperate is when the reason she doesn’t do what she wants to do is because she is concerned about being perceived as needy and desperate."

There is no fear in love (I John 4:18) and motive speaks to everything (Proverbs 21:1&8-Message). A straight copy and paste:

Pride is an interesting quality. It can be very healthy and useful in many situations in life in general and particularly in dating and relationships. A woman’s pride is an essential quality that makes a woman come across as a quality woman – sophisticated, “classy” and confident. However, while some manifestations of pride make a woman come across as more attractive while others hurt a woman’s dating life and even make her miss out on many great opportunities to have more romance and love in her life.

In this article, I would like to discuss one example of “good pride” and one example of “bad” pride – the kind of pride you do not want to have or demonstrate when dealing with the opposite sex.

The “Good” Dating Pride

Every woman should remember that she has one very useful option when it comes to a serious conflict with a guy you are dating – walking away. While this shouldn’t be a solution to every problem, as no relationship is without issues, I believe that many ugly fights, including domestic violence and other outbursts of bad temper could be easily avoided, if both men and women realized that in times of anger – instead of thinking about destroying property or hitting each other, it’s much better to just walk a way – for a short period of time or forever.

A jealous woman, or a woman who suspects that her guy is cheating on her, or a woman who walks in on a guy while he is with another woman, is more likely to lose control of her emotions and do things that she will regret later. These are the times when walking away can be the best thing a woman can do – to show her confidence and to also allow her anger to settle and have her mind cleared before making any decisions about her relationship with the guy.

The Bad Pride

I have been teaching guys to be proud of their interest in a woman they are interested in, rather than being ashamed of it. I truly believe that the same principle applies to women. Too many women are victims of “The Rules” that teach them to be artificially unavailable, to play hard to get, and to not show any signs of romantic interest in a guy they might be attracted to and very much interested in until and unless they are absolutely sure that the guy is crazy about them. Although this might be true in some situations, in many cases this does more harm than good.

I have coached quite a few women who would consider making an eye contact with the guy who they would like to meet to be a sign of weakness and desperation, women who deliberately do not return a guy’s call for days to show that they have a busy social/professional life, etc…  This female behavior is usually governed by fear of showing interest and not having it reciprocated by a guy or by fear of coming across as needy.

These concerns paralyze a woman’s romantic life and especially her ability to meet better and more attractive single guys. A man of quality and independent mind is likely to admire and be impressed by a woman’s confidence and initiative when she is flirting and showing her interest in her own subtle but clear ways. A woman who is punctual about calling and showing up on dates will convey a strong message of being a “keeper” to a guy who is looking for one. A woman who isn’t too proud to call the guy and tell him that she is a few minutes behind to meet him for a date is going to score another big point with the guy who has been around and who has seen courtesy and lack thereof in the opposite sex. In the end, the most desperate behavior is that which is governed by fear of coming across as desperate. In other words, what makes a woman truly desperate is when the reason she doesn’t do what she wants to do is because she is concerned about being perceived as needy and desperate.

There are a lot of good options between the two extremes of acting completely unapproachable and unattainable vs being too easy and desperate. One of those great options is not being ashamed of what you want, being proud of your interest in someone, and remembering that when you show interest in a guy, it’s a great compliment to him – something that will make him feel very good for the rest of the day or longer, especially if it doesn’t happen to him very often (and it doesn’t to most guys).

So, make sure that you use pride to your advantage, and don’t allow it to stand in your way of giving and receiving romantic interest, love and romance when they come your way.


Luxuriant,

SRW

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