Saturday, April 5, 2014

An Ounce of Prevention: 'Ten Excellent Reasons to Break Up'

If I recall...

I've shared before that one time I was going on and on (...and on and on-LOL) with a wife about all of the issues I was having with an at-the-time boyfriend. She listened to me vent for a while and then she finally said, "So Shellie, break up. You're not married like I am. You made no vows. Get out of the relationship."

It's responses like that which cause me to be so fond of the Albert Einstein quote "When the answer is simple, God is answering."  It's also what that particular wife said that has helped to bring me to the conclusion that I don't discern it's necessary to have a "boyfriend/girlfriend" dynamic; that people really should be friends and if, after much prayer, both people decide to take things to another level, *they should still be friends* and simply transition into courtship (a relationship that has full intentions of moving into marriage). I say this because, for one thing, boyfriends and girlfriends are not biblical (when two people were ready to get married...they married) and two, the way it is done, by most, is pretty unhealthy. It's like "play marriage".

In fact, that's why, although I am about to enclose an article on reasons to break up, one thing that I do not co-sign on is using the word "cheating" for a dating dynamic. Infidelity speaks to adultery and *no one commits adultery in a dating relationship*. Can someone be dishonest? Sure. But did someone *cheat on you*? Nope. A person is single *until they are married* (even tax forms prove this fact); however, if you treat a relationship prior to marriage like it is a mini-marriage, you'll start bringing in expectations that are unfair and imbalanced.

That's why I'm a firm believer that breaking up with people teaches you how to divorce...
not how to be married. Friendship is the foundation for any solid marriage. Friendship is what teaches you how to be married.

So, as you're reading this article, while I do discourage you from getting all caught up in the "cheating references" (especially since if you are in a sexual relationship with a boyfriend, *you're actually the one who's cheating on God*), the rest of the article is something to really ponder. You don't *have to stay* with a guy you didn't make vows to God (Ecclesiastes 5:1-7, Matthew 19:6) about. In fact, sometimes God gives us warning signs so that we *will* leave.

Oh, and as far as #4 and #5 within the following piece, my two cents is this:

1) If you are dating someone who dates multiple people, especially without them telling you about it, that's someone who's showing signs of not being ready to get married or being ready to a transparent relationship.

2) If you are dating someone who does not have the same convictions as you do about sexual abstinence prior to marriage, they are showing signs of not being spiritually mature enough (at least not yet) for marriage.

3) If someone else is on your mind, *you're single*. Take that to God and see what it's about. Don't force yourself to deny what you're feeling. Again, that's a cryptic form of "playing married".

That said, here's the article. If you see these signs, take them as warnings:

Breaking up might be hard to do, but sometimes it’s also the right thing to do.

Here are 10 excellent reasons to break up:

1. You know the relationship has no long-term potential. After dating for a while, if you realize that the relationship will eventually run its course, ending it is likely the best thing for both of you. You want to find someone who will be in it for the long haul.

2. The relationship has run its course. Maybe you didn’t get out early enough. Get out now. When the relationship feels over, let it be over. Don’t cling to it just because you’ve wasted so much time on it already.

3. You’ve been hurt physically or emotionally. Some damage can’t be undone. Staying in an abusive relationship will only deepen those wounds with time, it won’t heal them. Seek professional help if you’re not sure how to leave.

4. You’ve been cheated on, or you’ve cheated. Rarely can dating relationships rebound from infidelity. Let him/her go.

5. Someone else is on your mind. Do. Not. Cheat. If you’re constantly wishing your significant other was someone else — or that you could date other people — take the high road and end the relationship before things get messy.

6. Everyone else is rallying against the relationship. If your friends and family — people who are generally trustworthy and supportive — hate your relationship, listen to them. Sometimes outsiders have better perspectives of an unhealthy relationship than those in it.

7. Your values don’t align. Sure, you both like Thai food, reggae and Christopher Nolan films. But if all you have in common is the little stuff, the relationship is going to be stunted. If you know that you don’t agree on things like family, faith and finances, it’s okay to end things amicably so that you can both find people who have similar priorities.

8. You’re not happy — and haven’t been for a very long time. Every relationship has its ups and downs. But if you can’t remember the last time either of you laughed or had a great time together, assess the health of your relationship. Are you staying because you want to? Or just because you’re stubborn?

9. You feel uneasy about the relationship.
If you’re constantly trying to convince yourself to stay, maybe you shouldn’t. Trust your intuition.

10. You’re not growing together. Neither of you are at your best when you’re together. There’s no personal growth, you don’t feel good about yourself when you’re with your significant other and you’re no longer thriving. A healthy relationship brings out the best in both partners.



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