Tuesday, April 22, 2014
An Ounce of Prevention: 'Would You Marry a Prideful Man?'
You'll notice a theme with the following posts today. I am prepping for a counseling session with a woman who refuses to submit to her husband but at the same time doesn't believe she's pride-filled. It reminds me of the last line in one of my favorite movies (The Devil's Advocate) when Al Pacino (playing Satan) says "Vanity. My favorite sin."
All of these are good reads and something to pray about. Before getting married.
A straight copy and paste:
Pride is a wicked thing. It is Satanic in origin and creates conflicts. It is a straight road to destruction. It destroys promising relationships. It brings a man down to his knees. It does not allow conversations to take place between couples. It is arrogant and self-exalting. None of us can stand prideful people. God despises the proud heart. He opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble (James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5). For married couples, pride in any one of them is a sure killer of the joy in their fellowship and where it persists, could contribute to the destruction of their marriage relationship.
On the contrary, humility is a winner. It is godly. It is the nature of Christ Himself (Matthew 11:29; Philippians 2:6-7). It makes room for peace to settle in in a relationship. It strengthens the other in a relationship. It allows conversations to take place between couples because it listens to the other person and gives him/her enough room to express himself/herself.
If you are planning to build a godly marriage, you will be strengthened in your effort if your spouse is a humble person. But you will be discouraged most of the time if you have to deal with a prideful spouse. The time to ensure that you do not end up with a man God opposes is before you marry.
If your husband to be is a prideful person, the signs will be there. If you ignore them, you are not wise. If you want to give him an opportunity to address his prideful heart, that’s okay. But it Pride vs Humility-2means that you must recognize that pride comes from a heart that is not totally yielded to the Lord. The SELF in him is still on the throne of his heart and is the driver of his life. So, you might consider dealing with this first before you continue with the relationship. If he is not willing to deal with his prideful heart or if he claims that that’s the way he is and tells you to get used to it, then, that’s your signal to run.
On the other hand, if you are the prideful one, then, you are not yet ready for marriage. If you commit to marry without dealing with your prideful heart, you may end up being the foolish woman of Proverbs 14:1. You will end up destroying your marriage without knowing how you did it. Below is an article that compares pride and humility in marriage. It is not exhaustive but it is sufficient to get you started in taking the challenge of pride in marriage very seriously. If you can get a copy of the book Love that Lasts, get it and read it. You will find it very helpful.
Pride vs. Humility in Marriage
A great hindrance to fellowship in a marriage is pride—self-confident, self-exalting, self-protecting pride. Pride is perhaps the most deceptive, pervasive, and multifaceted form of sin, and it plays a central role in virtually all sin. One way the foolishness of pride comes out in our communication is in our love for our own voice and opinions.
Consider this proverb, just one of many that ties our speech to wisdom and foolishness: “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” (Proverbs 18:2). In contrast, humility yearns to learn, because it recognizes its deficiencies (Proverbs 12:15).
Check out the chart below on pride vs. humility in marriage (modified from Love that Lasts by Gary and Betsy Ricucci).
PRIDE VS. HUMILITY
Pride loves to talk, reveling in every self-exalting form of self-expression.
Humility asks questions and loves to dialogue.
Pride is quite content with what it already knows.
Humility has never found someone it couldn’t learn something from.
Pride assumes I already understand everything I need to.
Humility assumes there is always more to learn about everything
Pride assumes I don’t need help.
Humility assumes I need others
Pride sinfully judges others by assuming they will respond negatively or unhelpfully if I am open.
Humility would rather be open and vulnerable than closed and independent.
Pride uses conversation as broadcast time.
Humility uses conversation with a spouse to explore new worlds.
Pride doesn’t need a spouse, just an audience.
Humility puts energy and effort into listening.
Pride denies what the gospel reveals about our seriously sinful condition.
Humility treats a spouse as a fellow traveler on the road to biblical wisdom.
Humility that leads to intimacy takes an interest in one’s spouse as a gift from God.
Humility believes what the gospel says about our desperate need for God and His grace – after we’re saved as well as before.