Friday, July 11, 2014
An Ounce of Prevention: 'The Impatient Woman vs. The Good Man'
That quote speaks volumes. Plus, it's biblical. The first ingredient in the "love juice box" *is* patience (I Corinthians 13:4). That said, here's a great S-C-A-P:
So you’ve met a man and this man just so happens to meet all of your requirements. He’s intelligent, great sense of humor, handsome, hard working, and the list goes on and on. This man possesses every great quality you could think of but you’ve ruled him out because you’re impatient.
I was once told that there isn’t a shortage of good men in the world there’s just a larger quantity of impatient women overlooking them. I personally can’t speak for every impatient woman in the world but I know a few things because I myself have been “her.” I wanted everything right then and there at that very moment not realizing the pressure I was putting the man in my life under. I was forcing him to uphold an image that only existed in fairytales. We as women expect a good man but we are ruling out all of the things that don’t matter constantly over shadowing what makes him great. During a discussion today with one of my closest male friends I asked him: “What’s one of the main reasons that will drive you to detach yourself from a woman?” His response: “Being forced into something or being forced to do something I am not used to.”
I am willing to admit one of my biggest faults in relationships is a gift and a curse. I am a hopeless romantic and at times that’s my biggest downfall. I am a big ball of love and affection so when I am not receiving the same in return I have a tendency to assume that he’s just not that into me.
Ladies, men have their own way of showing affection. While we are fully aware of these things we still choose to expect him to not only show us he cares but we expect him to tell us all the time as well. Women need reassurance! No matter how beautiful, confident and secure, every woman needs reassurance. It’s what fuels us and keeps going when we know the man we are growing to care for so deeply feels the same about us. We start getting comfortable and we find ourselves sharing and being more vocal about our feelings toward him. Oftentimes the typical man won’t have the right words to say or maybe he will but he just won’t know how. I’ve learned that most men are better with actions opposed to words. (Well real men for that matter.)
A man who’s truly into you will have no problem showing you that you’re an important factor in his life. So trying to press the issue and require him to not only show you but tell you can drive a man away. As women we have to learn to be patient with the men we are a dating.
Both women and men have to realize that there was always someone before you and if that relationship was successful you wouldn’t be testing the waters with someone new.
After dealing with a terrible breakup women are temporarily weak and broken but at some point we regain our strength. Each time we suffer a heartache we learn what we can endure and we learn to be vocal about what we won’t tolerate the next go round. We are ready to love again but with a better outlook and new attitude. It’s completely different for men. When a man gets his heart broken he builds a wall up around his heart. The wall around a man’s heart after it’s been broken is so thick naval forces would need their strongest weapons of mass destruction to knock it down.
After a man has been hurt he’s closed off, he’s leery and extremely picky about the woman he chooses to be serious with in the future. Women have a hard time letting a man get comfortable, get a feel for you and develop enough leverage to be able to trust you. A man has to know that after 8 months you’re still the same person that you said you were and that you’re worth him putting all of his trust into.
What runs a man away or makes it even more difficult for him to trust is the impatient woman. She’s excited about this new love interest and the potential they have but it’s moving entirely too slow for her. When things aren’t going our way as women we either A. start throwing out ultimatums or B. Refuse to wait and allow another man to occupy our time or give us what we feel we are lacking.
The two things I listed above are two things we need to force ourselves out of as women. Men can’t stand to be backed into a corner and they hate even more for another man to be offered the same privileges to the woman that he was just learning to open himself up to. You can lose out on a good man (and I am certain that we all already have at some point in our lives) being impatient a woman. We have to learn that we can’t have everything right when we want it.
A man is going to give us all that he has when he feels comfortable enough. Being patient is well worth the wait with a man that is worth waiting for. If you know that you’re the only one and he’s breaking his neck to show that open up your eyes and let his actions do the talking. Spare yourselves the faux soul searching and stop requiring so much and being so damn impatient. If you want to know the 5 secret keys to keeping a smile on his face and ensuring your own happiness as well read below.
Appreciate his effort: If he’s doing more showing than telling that’s OKAY! Stop requiring your man to move mountains and later making him prepare a five paragraph speech on why he loves you and what inspired him to move the mountain for you.
Respect his inability to emotionally open right away: Some men need time… When he’s ready and willing he will express his deepest darkest feelings. In the beginning of any relationship a man is still learning YOU. He wants to know not only that he can trust you but also if he sees himself with you long term. Give yourself and relationship time to develop.
Just Say NO to PRESSURE: I don’t even think I have to follow that up with anything; number three is pretty much self explanatory.
Be supportive: In any relationship a man likes to know he has support and that he’s appreciated. If he’s having difficulties in a certain area be supportive to help him feel confident enough to overcome them. Also, practice appreciating all of his efforts even if they are failed attempts, he tried.
Don’t be a DRAMA QUEEN: Not every argument or disagreement requires you do an Oscar winning screen play. Everyone makes mistakes including us woman (hardly ever) but we do make them. When a man makes a mistake learn to talk things over, compromise, and settle things without all of the headache, non sense and DRAMA.
I hope this gave you all a little insight on not being so impatient and learning to recognize a good man for who he is and not giving up on him for who he is not.
"A man is going to give us all that he has when he feels comfortable enough."
A man is going to give the woman he wants to give his all to---yes, when he is comfortable enough.
Perhaps I'll pen a follow-up entitled "The Delusional Woman vs. The Checked-Out Man" (LOL). There is patience...and then there is "It ain't gonna happen". Yet for now, I dig Amber Janae's pearls of wisdom. Definitely something to ponder (Proverbs 4:26) and also pass along!