Tuesday, August 5, 2014
An Ounce of Prevention: '10 Men in Your Life You May Be Overlooking'
What I personally like/appreciate/respect about this (S-C-A-P) article is...
It makes me think about the word "standard" based on a classic definition: "those morals, ethics, habits, etc., established by authority, custom, or an individual as acceptable".
You see, what a lot of us miss in claiming that we have "our standards" when it comes to what we're looking for in a relationship is that we're so focused on the "individual" word in that definition that we overlook another important word that comes right before it: AUTHORITY.
God invented marriage. Therefore, in order for us to be with the best partner to handle our past and lead us in our future, we need someone based on the authority of *God's standards* for our individual lives first.
Look, I know many women who are married to fine men, rich men, degree'ed men, etc., etc., who are now totally miserable. A big part of it was because *they chose* rather than *asking God to bring them to the BEST man he had for them*. A spiritually mature man most of all. That's key being that the Message Version of Matthew 19:11-12 starts out by saying that everyone is not *mature enough* for marriage (Hebrews 5:12-14).
So with that said...
Yep. This is a good article to take to heart. And as you're going through each point, the ones that challenge you, take some time to ponder (Proverbs 4:26) WHY that is not an option for you. Then ask God if it's about *him telling you* that those things wouldn't be a good fit or *you telling him*. *And then* be willing to listen (LISTEN-Proverbs 28:9-Message) to what he says.
His answers just might surprise you.
And bring you closer to your life partner too.
Love is patient, love is kind... and it is also stubborn. Love will not surrender to you. It is your duty to surrender to it. It won't come how or when you expect it to. Nor will it arrive in the package that you have pre-designed in your mind. We do ourselves a disservice by attempting to make love fit our own agenda. Be flexible. It isn't about lowering your standards. It's about increasing your awareness. That's where I can help. Here are ten types of men in your life that you may have already overlooked.
Mr. Nice Guy: Confession: I had to get over my own "nice guys finish last" complex here. Every woman that I have every sent flowers to, turned out not to be as interested in me as I was her. Talk about a deterrent! In all seriousness, when a guy has genuine interest, he can't help but to show it. Enjoy the gestures and relish in the thought put behind them, because you are worth it. Don't dismiss him by labeling him "too nice."
Mr. Friend Zone: He's smart, funny and you guys have great conversation. That sounds like chemistry to me. Close friends know you in a way that your partners hope to. Not only do they know you, but they accept you too. Don't totally close the door to love just because the relationship's origin doesn't have a romantic link.
Mr. No Degree: So many of us fall into the trap of measuring a person's quality by whether or not they possess a college degree. Don't let this be you. A degree, or lack thereof, doesn't define who a man really is. His passion, ambition, and proven track record will all serve as a memento of his character if you allow it to.
Mr. Broke Down Ride: We're living in 2012, where people are driving cars from 2013 and this brother is still driving one from 1998? Let me guess: You don't want him picking you up? Don't let his "vintage" ride make you run away. At times in life, women can get so caught up in material things that they forget about what's most important: Substance! What if he's just a real penny pincher or skipped a big auto buy in favor of helping out a sick parent or putting himself through business school?
The Single Dad: It's OK to have your dating checklist, but don't overlook a good person just because he has a kid. Pay attention to how serious he takes fatherhood and watch how he raises and nurtures his offspring. A little observation in this area can tell you what kind of man he really is, and it might just be the kind you've been looking for.
The White Guy [i.e., Someone of Another Race]: Plenty of black men freely date outside of their race and if you desire to, you should too. At times, dating can become a numbers game. It's best to give yourself more options, not less. Love is colorblind.
Mr. Mature: Enlarge your dating pool by expanding your acceptable age window. By focusing less on age and more on maturity you increase your chances of getting the results you desire.
The Sensitive Type: Some brothers are more in touch with their feelings than others. It's highly possible that his feelings for you may develop faster than what you are ready for. Instead of brushing him off, pace him while being encouraged by him actually being aware enough to be able to express his feelings clearly. (That can be rare when it come to certain men.)
The Swagless Brother: For some, swagger is wearing their pants so low you can see their underwear. For others swagger may be a great job with benefits. If you permit the culture to define swagger for you, you will be stuck with what accompanies that definition. Let swagger be a symbol of the characteristics that you desire, housed in the man of your choosing. It's OK to be cool. It's cooler to be an individual.
Mr. Blue Collar Brother: Sure, there is nothing quite like a tailored suit, and that corner office can be attractive. But please be careful not to become so enamored with status that you overlook the essential qualities that will ultimately help cultivate and maintain a healthy relationship. Remember, his current position isn't necessarily a prophecy concerning his future potential.
Don't want to consider someone because he's "too nice"?
Don't want to consider someone because he's "just a friend"?
Don't want to consider someone because he's not in corporate America?
Yeah. Take a moment and read all of that back to yourself.
Indeed. Sometimes, we're not "waiting on a man"...
*God is waiting on us* to notice the one he's already placed before us.