Sunday, August 3, 2014
An Ounce of Prevention: (VIDEOS) 'Have You Checked Out "Married at First Sight" Yet?'
I wanted to watch a few episodes before I recommended it. "It" being a docu-series on the (new) FYI network entitled Married at First Sight. Although I'm not tap dancing about marriage being handled as a social experiment in the sense that the three participating couples can divorce after five weeks if they wish, what I do appreciate is that it addresses *a lot of things* that frankly, I wish a lot of people's premarital counselors had been more thorough in exploring/addressing. Perhaps we wouldn't see so many not-ideal-pairings if they had.
If you haven't watched the show, it would appear that YouTube has all of the episodes up. I'll post 'em here and we'll see how long they are available on there. If they do happen to get pulled, you can either go to On Demand or you can click on the link up top, login through your service provider and watch 'em. They are listed in the order that they aired:
It makes me think a lot of an article I read on marriage entitled "Ten Secrets to a Successful Marriage":
Successful couples are savvy. They read books, attend seminars, browse Web articles and observe other successful couples. However, successful couples will tell you that they also learn by experience – trial and error.
Here are 10 principles of success I have learned from working with and observing hundreds of couples:
Happiness is not the most important thing. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness will come and go. Successful couples learn to intentionally do things that will bring happiness back when life pulls it away.
Couples discover the value in just showing up. When things get tough and couples don't know what to do, they need to hang in there and be there for their spouse. Time has a way of helping couples work things out by providing opportunities to reduce stress and overcome challenges.
If you do what you always do, you will get same result. Wise couples have learned that you have to approach problems differently to get different results. Often, minor changes in approach, attitude and actions make the biggest difference in marriage.
Your attitude does matter. Changing behavior is important, but so is changing attitudes. Bad attitudes often drive bad feelings and actions.
Change your mind, change your marriage. How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse matters greatly.
The grass is greenest where you water it. Successful couples have learned to resist the grass is greener myth – i.e. someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.
You can change your marriage by changing yourself. Veteran couples have learned that trying to change their spouse is like trying to push a rope – almost impossible. Often, the only person we can change in our marriage is ourselves.
Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Everyday life wears away the "feel good side of marriage." Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple's vows of commitment: "For better or for worse" – when it feels good and when it doesn't.
Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears. Successful couples have learned to resist holding grudges, bringing up the past and remembering that they married an imperfect person – and so did their spouse.
A crisis doesn't mean the marriage is over. Crises are like storms: loud, scary and dangerous. But to get through a storm you have to keep driving. A crisis can be a new beginning. It's out of pain that great people and marriages are produced.
It's worth at least checking out a little bit.
I find it to be another "ounce of prevention".