Friday, September 26, 2014
"On Fire": REAL FRIENDS Protect One Another Sexually (Even While Dating)
"Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous."---Hebrews 13:4(AMP)
Earlier this week, I read an interview (in People's magazine) with country music singer Kenny Rogers. One of the things that he was asked is if he ever slept with Dolly Parton (you know, since they used to perform together quite a bit). Here was his answer:
"We flirted with each other for 30 years, and it was much more electric," explains Rogers in an interview with Dan Rather, airing Tuesday on AXS TV. "I think once you consummate a relationship like that, it loses something. And she and I both believe that theory, so we did some massive flirting in front of the nation, but there was never anything more than that."
When you have sex with a friend, the relationship loses something.
Look, I have had several guys over the span of my lifetime tell me that while *physically* they would like to have sex with me, *emotionally* they would prefer not to. Why? Because they don't want to "ruin the friendship". And while for years, I didn't quite understand what that meant, I'll say this: Although I am "civilly friendly" with basically all of the men I've had sex with, one thing we are not is friends.
There are a lot of reasons why but I feel that one thing that a strictly platonic male friend of mine's wife once told me is the best one: "Because you and my husband did not VIOLATE BOUNDARIES, I am very comfortable with your relationship. If you two had sex before, it would be totally different."
Yep. She's right. In fact, ended up being their marriage counselor...
When God puts rules into place, he's not just thinking about the here and now. He's also taking the future into serious consideration.
So, where am I going with this?
Well, one of the things that I've discovered, especially within counseling sessions, is that a lot of married couples are not really *friends* with one another. Another thing that I've realized is a lot of them have severe trust issues. And you know what else I've discovered? At least to date, I have yet to counsel a couple who fornicated while they were dating. In other words, every single one of the couples that I am currently dealing with had sex before marriage. A coincidence? Hmph. I doubt it.
Kenny said he didn't have sex with Dolly (and vice versa) because they wanted to preserve their friendship...
My male friends, *who are still my male friends*, didn't pursue a sexual relationship with me because they wanted to preserve our friendship...
What is it that the quote up top says again? That a lasting marriage begins with an *enduring friendship*, right?
A friend is someone who you share affection feelings with and have personal regard for.
A friend is someone who assists and supports you.
A friend is someone who is an ally, a confidant and an advocate.
Being that the Word speaks so clearly *against* sex before marriage (Hebrews 13:4, I Corinthians 6:9-10 & 16-20-Message & 7:2), how can you possibly be in a relationship with someone you claim to care about, have sex with them and call them a "friend"? Let alone a boy-friend? You're not supporting them spiritually. You're not an ally of theirs when it comes to Satan's attacks (Ephesians 6:10-20). You're not someone who is advocating for their well-being.
Any marriage worth its weight is going to tell you that there are going to be times when your *friendship with your spouse* is going to be what gets you through. It's hard for your partner to trust that you are *really their friend* in marriage if you didn't act like you were *really their friend* while dating/courting.
God knows what he's doing.
If you're single, sex can wait.
Focus on solidifying the friendship right now. By remaining abstinent.
You'll be oh so glad that you did.