Tuesday, September 23, 2014
"On Fire": Why 'He' *Should* PAY FOR THE FIRST DATE and You Should Be WIFE POTENTIAL
Although there are so many things that I adore about the Hebrew language...
As it relates to this blog specifically, I really like the word "Ish". It means man. It also means husband. And so, just like so many of us have heard time and time again that since Proverbs 18:22 says that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing (and obtains favor from the Lord), we should be "a wife" upon a future beloved's arrival, it would appear that we should also look for a man who has not just husband qualities but husband-like priorities as well.
To that, in walks an article that I read on The Atlantic's website asking why it's 2014 and men are still paying for the first date. The author even went on to state that it was sexist to expect it.
I believe that I've shared on this blog, more than once, that a particular book that I attribute to my spiritual journey is Real Christianity (William Wilberforce). One of the things that stood out most to me is that far too many Christians are caught up in culture rather than faith. *Culture changes; faith does not*. Why does faith not change? Because God does not change (Malachi 3:6).
And while technically, there is nothing in the Word that says a man should pay for the first date (perhaps because in the Bible, people did not *date* but *court*), what we do know is that the biblical roles of a husband include leading which includes providing.
And so, since godly individuals should not be interested in random dating but instead *intentional courtship*, doesn't it make sense that a guy should pay even for the first date? As I used to tell college gals when I would be on the college speaking circuit, "If a guy can't pay for dinner, it's highly questionable that he will be able to pay the rent...or preferably the mortgage!"
Yep. Something that we've lost tremendous sight of is that there are a lot of things that makes us special. Sure our bodies and hearts are a part of it, but you know what? *So is our time*. And so, if a guy asks you out and you say "yes", you need to look at it as being time invested that you will never get back. Therefore, you need to make the most of it. In other words, if you don't even see an inkling of potential...what's the point? At the age of the women reading this blog (because when you're in high school and college, I'm all for hanging out in groups just for fun; you should be focused on your studies more than anything else at that stage in the game)...there really isn't much of one.
So yes, it's pretty important that a man reveal to you his "leadership potential" straight out the gate.
He should plan the date.
He should pay for the date too.
And what is it that you should do?
Well, that's where my spiritual brother and friend who happens to be a relationship coach and newlywed (got married this past Father's Day) comes in. Now that we've touched on what a guy should do on a date, I asked Jay to share with me signs that a woman is wife potential on a first date. I mean, because a guy's time is precious too, right? *Right*.
A first date shouldn't just be "something to do". It should actually be revered as the beginning of something. A purposeful and responsible beginning---that's either closer to "him" or closer to clarity that "he" is not "him".
Five Clear Signs That a Woman Is Wife Material
Most men want to meet the woman of their dreams. The important point to be aware of is what are we really dreaming of in a woman. Guys go on date after date and find women of different cultures, character traits, body types, religious affiliations and the list of characteristics goes on and on. I was posed a great question which touches on what really is the “woman of our dreams.” I was asked to share five clear signs men recognize that a woman is wife material on the first date. Those signs are going to reveal some of the things men dream of in an ideal woman.
She Allows Him to Lead
A man may never tell you this, but if you go into a date and you don’t allow him to open the door, pull out the chair, pick up the check and possibly order the food (after consulting with you on your choice), you are not allowing him to lead. Men are built to lead in relationships with women and drilling down deeper, men are built to lead in an event or situation, such as a date. If you allow him to lead on a date, you are showing him you have the ability to allow him to lead in marriage.
She Can Hold a Conversation
There is nothing more disheartening than a beautiful woman who can’t add value to add to the conversation. That’s like a Lamborghini with no engine. Beauty fades, but whether it’s the rust on the car or the wrinkles on her skin, if the “soul” of the woman exists, her beauty never fades. The soul is expressed in how we communicate. Conversation breeds chemistry much more than physical appearance does. Physical appearance might capture a guy's attention, but conversation will keep you AFTER you get to the altar. We want to marry a woman who can relate to us in conversation.
She’s Not Easily Threatened
There are many things going on in our lives as men, but one of the things we want in a woman is that our wife-to-be is not easily threatened. “Danger” can come in many forms, such as a man having children from a previous relationship, being in-between jobs, finding ourselves spiritually, caring for a parent or any other number of things in our lives. For example, if I’m on a first date, somewhere in the conversation she is going to find out that I have two children. If that’s a problem for her or she seems intimidated by it, that’s a flashing red light to stop here. If she’s not intimidated and she’s honest and candid about her feelings about how to move forward, she gets a check box in the wife column.
Her Values Align with His
I went on a first date with a young lady who was explaining she had been in a bad relationship. She also explained that if we continue to see each other beyond this date and if I were to cheat on her, she would come to my house, break my windows and flatten my tires. Wow…can you say “needs a hug?!” I get her issues from the past, but she immediately let me know that those issues have clouded her judgment and they don’t have her thinking in a mature manner. My wife’s values MUST align with mine. If we discuss morality, spirituality, intimacy or whatever the case may be, her value system has to be in line with mine—even on the first date. If they do, she’s definitely wife material.
Being attractive to a man doesn’t insinuate being a 36-24-36, having a big booty or being a supermodel. Being attractive is not just physical; it’s the whole persona. It’s attractive to a man when the couple is going to a black tie affair for the first date and she knows how to dress accordingly. It’s attractive when she knows just the right amount of perfume to wear or the fact she took the time to look up the right paintball gun to use or the type of dress to wear to salsa dance. How your man sees your persona on that first date will go a long way on him deciding if you are wife material or not.
Over the course of dating, there will be many “signs and wonders” of what will lead a man to choose his wife. If you display these early signs from day one, you will have a great chance of being the incarnation of the woman of his dreams.
*I* didn't say that. A man---a happily married man, at that---said that.
If you have a first date coming up, I hope this checklist will serve as a bit of a guide.
And if they guy is expecting you to go dutch, that's cool. Kinda. (LOL)
Stay a lady about it. Just kindly, gently and swiftly move him over to the "friend" column. ;-)