Friday, October 10, 2014

"On Fire": Disobedience (Even in Relationships) Is a WASTE OF TIME

I know, right?

For whatever the reason, this is a heavy content week. Guess the Lord is trying to spare some of us some---(more) unnecessary-ness. Take it from me: I've learned that "everything happens for a reason" justification is sometimes just a way to make ourselves feel better for our fearful or lust-filled or straight-up disobedient behavior.  As a believer and/or disciple (John 17), things shouldn't just "happen for a reason". We need to do things that are directly connected to our purpose.

I thought about that as I read an excerpt from an article featuring Vivica A. Fox. At 50, here's something that she said in Sister 2 Sister magazine:

If she has a biggest regret in life, Vivica A. Fox said it’s that she never had a child.

“Of course, if that’s the biggest regret of my life that I have was that I didn’t have a child, but I’m a good godmother,” Vivica told Oprah Winfrey in a preview for “Where Are They Now.”

Vivica said Halle Berry gushed about the joys of motherhood to her while the two were at a red carpet event, not long after Halle gave birth to her daughter.

Halle told Vivica, “If I knew then what I know now, I would have had five of them.”

Vivica, who was described as the “’90’s ‘it’ girl,” also wishes she hadn’t spent so much time with the wrong guys, seeking a real relationship.

“I would jump into the shallow end of the pool head first. Now, I’m a little bit more cautious,” said Vivica who wants to be with a man now. “I had to learn to stop dating little boys. I had to learn to stop falling in love with a six pack and smile.”

Dating little boys (see article below this one).

Falling in love with a six pack and smile.


Although I know some people who say "I don't believe in regrets", honestly, I tend to keep my distance from those kinds of individuals. It's a *very prideful* (Proverbs 16:18) way to look at things and a follower of Christ *should* be *humble enough* (Luke 14:11) to have regrets. Regret means "to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.)" and remorse means "deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction". Regret speaks to having a broken and contrite spirit and here's what the Word says about having one of those:

"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit."---Proverbs 34:18(NKJV)

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise."---Psalm 51:17(NJKV)

That said, personally, I get a lot of where Ms. Fox is coming from...

I have penned two books at this point that talk about so many mistakes that I made with members of the opposite sex during my prime childbearing years and now here I 40: single and without children (without children, in part, because I aborted four of them).

And here's the other thing: It will be eight years in January since I've had sex. This means that I stopped at 32. *Also prime childbearing years*. However, because of my sexual---and in many ways spiritual and emotional---disobedience with 14 guys, it has taken all of this time to *fully heal* (Psalm 147:3) so that I can give my future husband *all of me*.

And who knows? Perhaps if I had heeded some of God's warnings prior to 32, life may have been really different right now. I live a full life, no question; however, we are told in Proverbs 3 (4-6) that we are to trust God, *not lean on our own understanding*, acknowledge him (which means acknowledging his Word) and he will direct us. 

And where God is not going to direct us is into spiritually compromising, sexually immoral, fear-of-being-alone inspired relationships. How I do know? Because something that the Word also says is that *God tempts no one*:

"Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. Let no one say when he is tempted, 'I am tempted by God'; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone."---James 1:12-13(NKJV)

In fact, God does quite the opposite:

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."---I Corinthians 10:13(NKJV)

When we fall into less-than-God's best kinds of situations, that is our choice, *our doing* and even if/when lessons are learned...the truth is that some "life classes" we could stand to go without. As my mother used to say all of the time "Discernment prevents experience from being your teacher" and as the Message Version of Proverbs 28:9 says "God has no use for the prayers of the people who won’t listen to him." And being that one of the very definitions of listen is "to obey", let's not forget what else the Bible tells us: "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." (James 1:22-NKJV)



When you deceive yourself, you mislead yourself---usually onto a path that isn't God's best for you. A path that takes away time...*precious time*. And then, like the picture quote, you find yourself giving the "full-time position" of a husband to "part-time" boyfriends or friends with benefits (which even science says is a complete joke and a huge mistake, by the way) or casual sex partners (I Corinthians 6:16-20-Message).

*What a waste of your time*.

Yeah, some of you are probably thinking "So what am I supposed to do? Sit here and wait?"

Um...yeah. That's exactly what's suppose to happen if what you're tempted to do is be impatient or settle or compromise God's standards for you. Because here's the other thing: Waiting is a form of obedience (Romans 8:22-26-Message); that makes *God responsible for your time* and as Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us "He has made everything beautiful in its time." When you're out on your own...well...that's exactly what you are---*out on your own*.

That's a good motto to have when it comes to dating.

If it's not godly...
If it's not purposeful...
If you and the guy are not seeking the Father about what's next.

It's a romantic relationship that's really a waste of your time.

And just like you, your time is precious. *Very*.

Just as Vivica A. Fox. And me too.



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