Tuesday, October 7, 2014

"On Fire": If 'It's' Super Hard...Rethink It


Over this past weekend...

I ran into a guy that I hadn't seen in literally seven or eight years. As we were catching up on all that had transpired in our lives during that time, one of the things that he shared with me is that he's now married.

OK, that shouldn't be surprising. However, when I tell you that this dude used to be the consummate ladies' man? WHEW-WHEE!!! He's a musician who toured with some pretty prominent artists. He's also pretty easy on the eyes and so...yeah. For a while he was "one of those"---those being the kinds of dudes who are not super-convicted about promiscuity and so therefore have their own lil' stash of groupies. And so, to know that he had finally decided to settle down was...precious.

However, my purpose for sharing this is not to shout him out when it comes to finally settling down. It's actually because of the word that he used when I asked "So, what made her be 'the one'?"

He paused, just briefly, and  then said "I don't know, Shellie. She just makes everything so easy. There's no drama. She's fun to be with. She supports my career. We can hang out and just chill. She's awesome. I had no idea relationships could be so easy."

OK, did you peep the word that he used more than once? If you didn't, it was "easy".

Easy: not hard or difficult; requiring no great labor or effort; free from pain, discomfort, worry, or care; providing or conducive to ease or comfort; comfortable fond of or given to ease; easygoing; not harsh or strict; lenient; not burdensome or oppressive; not difficult to influence or overcome; compliant

Synonyms: clear, effortless, obvious, painless, simple, uncomplicated, apparent, easily done, evident, light, manageable, manifest, no bother, no trouble, royal, undemanding, yielding


Not hard or difficult. 
Not requiring great labor or effort. 
Free from pain, discomfort and worry.
Not harsh.
Not burdensome or oppressive.

No bother.
Not trouble.
ROYAL. (Dig that!)

The guy that I was talking to say that his wife *and* the relationship that they had was...EASY.

It reminds me of an episode of "Sex & the City" (that I can't find an embedded code to and so you'll have to click here to watch) when Big get engaged to Natasha, Carrie asked him why he didn't choose her and he said "It just got to be so hard." And don't even get me started on Joan (from "Girlfriends"). ALL OF HER RELATIONSHIPS, SHE MADE MORE TAXING (YES HARDER) THAN THEY HAD TO BE. This is an episode that immediately comes to mind:

Just look at Ellis's face (LOL). He's looking at Toni. She was just so *hard* to deal with!

Do relationships take work? *Of course they do*.

But do they have to be *hard*? Do they have to be "difficult to do or accomplish; fatiguing; troublesome" and "tough", "rocky" and "inflexible"? Well...you tell me if you think those kinds of definitions are what God had in mind when he said the following:

"Now the Lord God said, 'It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.'"---Genesis 2:18(AMP)

When you are suitable for someone, you are appropriate, fitting and becoming to/for them.

When you are adapted to someone, you are able to adjust yourself to different situations in their life.

When you are complementary for someone, you help to form a satisfactory and balanced whole for them.

Now taking all of that into account, tell me something: WHAT ABOUT THAT SOUNDS HARD?!?

So many people are so used to "making a relationship happen" rather than *waiting on God to bring them to the right one* (eh hem, ladies-Genesis 2:22) that they confuse permissive will (Psalm 106:15) for God's perfect will (I John 5:14-15). They go into relationships feeling that they must be difficult and fatiguing and taxing...tough, rocky and inflexible...all the while calling it "love" when oftentimes, in dating situations, it's more like *a big blinking warning side* that they are simply not suitable for that particular individual---either at that time (because some people need time to grow on their own) or...*ever*.

Remember, the purpose of godly relationships, whether romantic or platonic, is to bring you closer to the Lord, to make you a better person and to help you to fulfill your purpose (Psalm 20:4) in this life. If whatever you're caught up in is contrary to that, you really need to rethink remaining in it.

There was nothing like seeing the peace, joy and utter satisfaction that my spiritual brother had as he kept saying to me "Shellie, you've just got to meet her."

And as we hugged and went our separate ways, I really did say to myself...

He's right. When "it's right", it will be easy to see.

It will not have to be ridiculously hard.



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