Tuesday, January 20, 2015

"On Fire": What Is Your 'Single Woman Standard'?

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 Last night...

While talking to one of my favorite people on the planet about a funny T-shirt that she ordered from a pop culture clothing website that had me be like "What's the name again?", I found myself liking a couple of them myself. One that I think some of y'all may want to purchase and rock is right here:

earn-ne-black

Although I'm personally not big on a man having to basically kill himself in order to get a woman's attention (wives are gifts from God not man-obtained acquisitions-Genesis 2:22), I do like one particular definition of earn: DESERVE.

One definition of deserve is "to merit, be qualified for, or have a claim to (reward, assistance, punishment, etc.) because of actions, qualities, or situation". A lot of single women who desire to be married never even think about the fact that a man should be *qualified* to be with them. And being that marriage is a faith-based union that *God created* (Genesis 2:18-25, Matthew 19:1-12-Message), the qualifications need to be based, not on the woman's standards but the Lord's.

The guy's actions need to prove that he's qualified.
The guy's qualities (character-Colossians 3:12-17) need to prove that he's qualified.
The guy's "state of affairs" and "combination of circumstances" (situation) need to prove that he's qualified.

Not just to marry you...
But to even date (preferably court) you as well.

And that's why I like that shirt so much. It's a reminder that being single isn't about being lonely. Being single is about becoming a qualified woman.
A woman who God deems is in the position for all that he has in mind for her.

And if that includes a husband, she will be so healthy and whole that she'll know that "he" needs to...

Be qualified to have her...
Be in the position to deserve her...
Be able and willing to earn her.

That said...

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There is a quote that I read a few night ago by an actress:

"I know now that there are men out there who are, for me, the whole package, who are supportive of my successes because they know I will be just as supportive of theirs. I'm less tolerant of foolishness now; I know that it's important I not tie myself up with the wrong person, because then I will miss the right person coming along."---Ginnifer Goodwin

There are two reasons why I really like it.

One, it shows that she seems to have a strong sense of self. She's not looking for a man to make her feel complete or to validate her worth or to fill some void. She desires someone who will support successes that she has established before he ever came into her life. When you look at your life, *what successes have you accomplished*? ("How To Be Successful In Life: 13 Tips From The World’s Most Successful People" is a great article.)

Secondly, I like that her coming to that place has made her less tolerant of settling. Yes, when you know your worth and value, you are far less prone to "cast your pearls before swine" (Matthew 7:6). You know you are worthy of a man who will pay a great price to be with you (Matthew 13:45-46).

And why will he be willing to do make such a big investment? It's due to another stellar quote that I recently read:

“A single candle can fight against any darkness and light up a room. Its glow can be seen for miles in the gloom of dusk. A single candle can comfort our spirit in a storm as its flame tangos with the shadows and flickers with resilient hopes. A single candle can show us the way simply by standing by our side. A single candle can inspire nostalgia and warm our very souls. So too… can a single person. Burn brightly today."---Jason Versey

Matthew 5:14 commissions us to be the light of the world.

Where are you striving to be light in your part of the world?

2 Corinthians 13:11(NKJV) says "Finally, brethren, farewell. Become complete. Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you."

Who would consider you to be a source of comfort? 
(Rather than you always looking for someone to comfort you?)

A single person can inspire others.

One definition of inspire is influence and James 2:1-4(Message) says "My dear friends, don’t let public opinion influence how you live out our glorious, Christ-originated faith."

We are not here to influence people to live contrary to the Word of God but to develop a closer relationship with him.

How are you inspiring and influencing others? Through your work and your actions?

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There is a someone I was talking to who is currently in a troubled marriage and what he said was quite jarring---and memorable: "Shellie, I could hire a maid and a prostitute to do what my wife does. Nothing about her is exceptional." Yep. Ouches all the way around. Yet, the main purpose of this blog is to prepare us, *beforehand*, for marriage. And what he says has some merit.

We should not be seeking to only "get married" or "be a wife". Millions of women are able to fit that criteria. No, your future husband should see you as being *exceptional*, heads-and-shoulders above the rest---absolutely amazing.

Marriage doesn't make a woman that way.

Embracing singleness and making the most of that time so that you can become whole and complete does.

So, if you're thinking about purchasing an "Earn me" T-shirt, there's no point in false advertising, right? As you're thinking about what you want in a man, also think about what your single woman standard should be. One definition of standard is "approved model". It's important to use this time to get you and your future husband's Heavenly Father's approval.

That said...

Take some time out this week and ponder (Proverbs 4:26) over how you want to be a light in the world, who you're called to comfort and how you wish to inspire others---*even now*.

The more you focus on being an amazing single woman...
The closer you'll get to a really good man. The one who truly deserves you.


Adorn,

SRW

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