Tuesday, February 17, 2015
An Ounce of Prevention: ANOTHER GREAT QUOTE OF THE DAY (ON ABANDONMENT)
When there's time...
I'll probably pen a piece on abandonment and how it *infects* our relationship choices until we *choose to heal* from those issues. For now, I want to share an excerpt from an exclusive email that my girl at Baggage Reclaim sent today entitled "Re-Abandonment - We Don't Deserve It". Basically, she's talking about the pattern that we put ourselves in when we're abandoned as children and then *choose* people who abandon us as adults.
Sign up to get her posts here. In the meantime, here's the excerpt.
One of the things I've learned along my journey to liking and loving me, is that for those of us who have experienced abandonment - which incidentally, isn't just physical abandonment in the sense of absence or being left but also neglect and emotional abandonment - there will always be a part of us that's that little girl or boy that needs to be looked out for and taken care of.
We do this by being kinder to ourselves now. We stop abandoning us by looking to others for salvation or by being so reliant on them that we give up our boundaries and anything that matters to us.
Every time we make other people responsible for us and our happiness and every time we dodge having boundaries and standards, we abandon us. It's re-abandonment. We give up. We don't deserve that.
It's critical that we don't do things that amount to repeatedly punishing us for things that we didn't deserve in the first place. Our parents or caregivers inadequacies are not a reflection of our inadequacies.
That mix of taking care of us along with allowing us to be vulnerable with safe people stops us from inadvertently (or intentionally) recreating the pattern of pain.
It's not about blaming people from our past; it's about acknowledging the impact. It's about acknowledging that there's a part of us that can show up or take over when it's 'activated'.
People are fallible.
At the same time, don't forget that God said he will *never* leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).
If this piece resonates, take it to prayer and perhaps also seek counseling.
You deserve to be embraced. Not abandoned.
You have the power to better discern the character of those who will do both.