Thursday, March 5, 2015
An Ounce of Prevention: 'In-Depth with Dean Sheremet'
If you don't know who Dean Sheremet is, he was Leann Rimes's first husband. A friend of his interviewed him about what he has learned from that relationship and I think there are some real pearls of wisdom and definitely some ounces of prevention; especially if you are in the entertainment/music industry and you're contemplating marrying someone who is as well. You can click here to read it all; however, here are a few excerpts I wanted to share:
Dean: I was a professional dancer. She was a superstar. I knew that one of us had to sacrifice something to have a healthy marriage. And that was my goal. As much as I wanted to be successful, I wanted a family more. I’ve always wanted to be married and have kids. Family is everything to me.
Nat: So you consciously gave up your career for hers?
Dean: It would have been unfair for where she was in her career for me to ask her to pump the breaks. I thought it would be better for me to take all of my creative energy and ideas and put it into her. Unfortunately, I did so at the complete expense of myself and it went so long before I even realized how much of myself I’d lost.
Nat: When did you realize? Was it gradual or did a switch go off?
Dean: When we were on tour, I had my purpose. This is childish and I recognize that now but I never thought I got the credit I deserved for the work I did. So that resentment slowly built over time. I have my own dreams and goals and I felt like there wasn’t room for me. But it was the only way I felt I could have a successful marriage. How could she be on the road and I be in LA eight months out of the year and still consider ourselves a healthy marriage? Unfortunately, I swung the pendulum completely back the other way and we went eight years without spending one day apart. And it worked! That was the crazy thing is that it was actually working, to a point.
Nat: What point?
Dean: As it went on, there were a lot of animosities that built up. I felt like I was never having my needs met so there was fighting. And I was so intertwined in managing her career that I didn’t know how to make the distinction between husband and boss, husband and partner, husband and manager… I was husband, father, friend, lover, manager. There were so many hats and I didn’t know what hat to wear when.
Nat: The lines blurred.
Dean: Yeah. We’d be sitting at dinner and I’d be like, “For your next video we should do this, this and this. For the tour, the production should be like this.” And this [part] is my fault. I’m sure for her, all she wanted to do was have dinner. I was probably getting on her nerves all the time. I was not being who I needed to be for her. I’ve since learned the line. With [current wife] Sarah [Silver], she’ll ask my opinions on things but we’ve made it a point to not work together. It’s a lot cleaner. Although I would now know how to handle it better. I was a twenty-one-year-old helping manage a multi-million dollar act. I was way out of my depth. But I was able to quickly learn and gain an insane amount of knowledge. My business sense is better for it. It was my masters program.
Nat: You were in every meeting?
Dean: Everything. There wasn’t a decision that got made that didn’t have my thumb print or stamp of approval.
Nat: Would she look to you for that?
Dean: Absolutely. She’s a person who likes to have somebody to bounce ideas off of. At the end of the day though, she would make her own decision. When she gets something in her head, LeAnn will do whatever LeAnn wants to do. And I respect her for that. One of the things that attracted me to her is that she’s a strong, very focused woman.
Nat: So there were major problems before the affair?
Dean: Unfortunately, I think the business ended up destroying us. That passion for our marriage wasn’t there. The person that I needed to be, the person I should have been, I wasn’t. I wasn’t the person she came home to and unloaded on. And, then, of course, I was thinking, I haven’t done what I’ve wanted to do in over eight years. I came to the realization that my name was never going to be on the marquee. No matter how much I put into this show or that tour, it was never going to be about me. And that was a really big moment. It was a hard thing to take.
I definitely appreciate his candor!
We are blessed to receive *so much information* here.
Stay discerning. And prayerful!