Tuesday, March 17, 2015

"On Fire": 5 Things That Help a Man to SETTLE DOWN

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After talking to a friend of mine who happens to be...

Male
Married
And a relationship coach

I figured it was time to share some points from an article that I recently read entitled "What Makes A Player Want To Settle Down? One Guy Explains".

What my friend and I were talking about was a client of his who is beyond-settling-for-less with a guy. I say that because although they are intimately---or rather sexually (I Corinthians 6:16-20-Message)---involved, nothing is showing signs of spiritual health or relational progression (two things that every person is deserving of, by the way).

As my friend and I were talking about who is causing the most harm (he says the guy and I say the girl for allowing the guy), the article that I read came to mind. Feel free to click on the link to read all of it. However, here's the main part that caught my attention and the points that followed:

But after a year of being single, it seems like someone’s stealing his heart anyway. I asked exactly what makes this woman so special, and he was more than happy to tell me.

She’s super smart. 
She brings a few things to the table.
They started off as friends.
They haven’t hooked up. 
She’s not afraid to be herself. 

Now, I'm not sure how many "On Fire" chicks are trying to "tame a player" (nor do I know how wise of a move that is to try and even attempt it); however, I do find the list to be quite stellar---and something that all of us should keep in mind. No matter what kind of man we desire to be with.

Eternal eauty captures but does not hold a man's attention. Go deeper.
Don't believe me? Look at all of the celebrities who file for divorce each year.
(I Peter 3:1-6)

Uniqueness and individuality are awesome.
No healthy man is looking for a woman who is a clone of someone else.
No healthy man is looking for a woman who's looking for a man to make her whole either.
(Psalm 33:15, James 1:4)

Friendship is so important. Paramount, in fact.
No marriage lasts, especially in a spiritually productive way, without it.
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Sex can wait. Affection can tie you over.
I Corinthians 6:16-20, in part, says this: "Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never 'become one.' There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for 'becoming one' with another." Not only that but a woman who "sets it out" before marriage is not a rarity. A woman who wants to use sex as a way to celebrate her marriage rather than start a relationship is what is. And it appears that even players take notice of that kind of gal.

BE. YOURSELF.
I sit in more counseling sessions than I'd like with couples who feel like their partner "false advertised" during their dating/courtship. How? They were so consumed with being *what they thought their spouse wanted* that they weren't being themselves. It's not fair to expect a person to vow to love you when they have absolutely no clue who the real and authentic you actually is! A lot of what the season of singleness is all about is figuring out who you really and truly are so that you can better recognize who complements you most.

So...

If after going over that five-point list, you realize that you could stand to improve in one or more of these areas (and a lot of us could if we're honest with ourselves), I'll pray that you do just that.

A lot of women wish more men would settle down...

When the truth of the matter is that a lot of men are waiting on a particular kind of women to settle down with. And for.

Yeah, the truth hurts.
But it heals as well.

No one wants to settle...when it comes to settling down.
And you know what? No one should have to.

Adorn,

SRW

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