Thursday, March 5, 2015
"On Fire": Are You Self-Sabotaging Your Chance at Marriage and/or a Family (Without Even Knowing It)
"Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn [entirely] away from evil. It shall be health to your nerves and sinews, and marrow and moistening to your bones."---Proverbs 3:5-8(AMP)
Whether you're someone who watches the show Being Mary Jane every week or you've never seen it before, the episode (which aired this past Tuesday) that's posted below, I encourage you to check out. Especially towards the end when Mary Jane is talking to her dad. I don't want to give it all away, but I do want to say that as she was dialoging with her dad, I found myself having a relatively deep chat with my own Heavenly Father.
When you're in your 20s, you think you have all the time in the world to do whatever you want---good and bad. You tend to have this mentality that all that you have to do is push a "reset" button and all will be well. All consequences will be averted. You won't have to answer to the things that you've repented of years ago as you move up the pike. However, the Word does not tell us that. God is quick to forgive, yes (I John 1:9-10). He also says not to mock him, though. Yes, we also reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7-8). Sometimes in ways we would have never *ever* predicted (which is why we must watch what we sow in the first place).
As I was sharing with someone just this week, when Ecclesiastes 3 speaks of there being a time and a season for everything---that means *everything*. As Mary Jane is trying to freeze eggs at 38, in the midst of healing from an affair with a married man, reeling from putting her career ambitions first and so many other things, it was so fascinating to me that her father questioned if motherhood was ever a real desire of hers----being that she's still not a mother and...also based on some of the decisions that she's made in the past. Yes, some people who want to be parents are waiting on God. Some others, though, are dealing with the results of their own choices. It's a harsh reality that must be faced. And dealt with (Ecclesiastes 7:18-Message)
As for me...
I must say, although I have a great relationship with the children in my life, I am not "Hannah in the temple" about having kids. At 40, with no husband and, four abortions under my belt and also a string of past relationships---some of which occupied and wasted my time simultaneously, I couldn't help but ask myself the same thing.
"If I really wanted a family, one that consisted of children that I birthed, why were so many of my decisions in direct conflict with that?"
Why, in hindsight, does it appear that I was doing a bit of self-sabotaging?
It kinda reminds me of a guy in my life. Since I've known him, he's told me that he wants a wife and kids. However, he's edging close to 40 and I've watched a lot of women love him, him leave them and them marry someone else (and have kids with their spouse). It's like whenever things get too intimate, he runs (basically literally). He tends to give me this rah-rah about it not being the right time or person yet what I keep calling him to the carpet on is his pattern. Date. Get close. Run. Date. Get close. Run. You want a family but you meet countless women who are clearly wife and mother material and you are not with a single one. *Do you really want what you say you do?*
If he looked in hindsight, would he also see that he was self-sabotaging as well?
One definition of sabotage is "any underhand interference with production". When Proverbs 3 tells us to acknowledge God *in everything* and he will direct us, if you're currently at a place where you are wondering where your husband and/or children are, have you ever really asked God 1) If you are "off track" from where he actually wanted you to be and if it's actually several years' worth of being on the wrong path and/or 2) If you have realized that there's some truth to that, have you confessed it (James 5:16), given yourself time to heal (Proverbs 147:3) and become open to the fact that seasons of shifted and so there may need to be a new acceptance and a new approach via the kind of woman you are now vs. the kind of woman you once were?
Am I saying that if you're in your 30s or 40s and still single that there is no hope for a family? *Absolutely not*. In fact, *especially when it comes to marriage*, I believe that it can work well in your favor to be a bit wiser and older (in that order, please).
What I am saying, though is time is of the essence and that's not a cliche.
If things are not going your way or the way you hoped that it would...
*Take some time to think about how much of a role you actually play in that*.
The dead-end relationships.
The casual sex.
Shoot, the not-so-casual sex (all of it's wrong outside of marriage).
The bad habits.
The funky attitude.
The spiritual stagnation.
The constant excuses.
The toxic people and unhealthy relationships.
The patterns. Oh, the cyclic patterns.
The things that are not bringing you closer to what you desire---but are actually a hindrance to them.
A wise man once said that within questions, therein lies answers.
Here's the episode and here's hoping (Romans 5:5) that it will offer up some ah-ha moments for you as well.
So you can get directed or redirected towards what you say that you want...
So that you and God can get on the same page.
So that you can stop self-sabotaging and really start embracing.