Monday, May 25, 2015

An Ounce of Prevention: CLEAR SIGNS That a Man Wants (and Doesn't Want) to MARRY YOU

"So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her."---Genesis 29:20


Although there are layers upon layers as to why Jacob ended up in the position that he did of serving for Rachel, it's still one of my favorite (biblical) examples that when a man is in love, *he will put forth effort*.

I gave this some more thought when I read "5 Signs HE WON'T Marry You" (click on the link to read all of it):

You Have Been Reduced to Begging
Waiting for the Right Time
He Suggests a “Trial Period”
An Engagement With No Date Set
The Rescheduled Wedding

Case in point: I know one woman who, when she started dating the guy (now almost seven years ago), he showed all kinds of signs and indications that marriage was not in the plans. She didn't want to accept that though and now (sigh) she's been dating him for so long that she's convinced herself that marriage is not necessary (double sigh) so long as they can be together. (Are you "together" if you're not really *together*?)

Something that Bible believers/disciples are to keep in mind is that we're not really supposed to "just date". Our time, emotions and bodies are simply too precious and purpose-filled for that. No, we are supposed to *court*. I really like how this one particular author broke the differences down:

My definition of dating is that it is a modern game where intimacy is practiced before commitment. It often involves romantic talk, holding hands, kissing, making out, and oftentimes sex. Commitment never proceeds intimacy. The word date comes from the word mate. It doesn’t sound good to tell someone you are mating with Mr. X. You prefer to use the word dating. It sounds so much better, but in reality, dating and mating are sometimes the same. I looked up the word date in my encyclopedia and it said, "see Sex and Teenage." Even my encyclopedia agrees with my definition.

Courtship is the time-honored and successful practice of learning about someone enough to know whether or not the two is compatible for marriage. It often involves friendship, discussing each individual’s future plans, knowing the parents if they’re alive, and praying privately for God’s will in the matter. After deciding it is God’s will to get married, the couple prays together and then go to their parents to seek their blessings and finally to the pastor to seek his approval. After engaged the couple still avoids intimacy until marriage. Commitment comes before intimacy.

*Commitment should come before intimacy*.

Well said. And not just physical intimacy but emotional intimacy as well. Shoot, even spiritual intimacy for that matter because a lot of women ended up falling *way too fast* and *way too hard* for a guy simply because they are sharing of themselves---mind, body and/or spirit---than he's deserving of at the time they are doing it.

That's why some women can never be physical with a dude and still end up utterly devastated when things don't work out. There's a difference between *disappointed* and *devastated*. One of the main differences is the first speaks to having boundaries and guarding one's heart (Proverbs 4:23); the second...doesn't. I've learned this lesson firsthand.

And so of the main indicators that a guy is considering you for marriage is dating is not the focus; *courting is*. And he will put forth effort to show you the difference between the two.

Hmph. I remember one guy telling me "I'm dating you. I'm dating a lot of women." First up, I thought "That was pretty arrogant to say" because I actually didn't consider us as "dating" but secondly, he does have a point. Dating doesn't usually have a lot of serious, real or lasting intention and so that's why a lot of women can find themselves "dating a guy" forever with them being unfulfilled and the guy being, well, just fine.

And then there's the article "3 Ways to Tell If He's Marriage Material Before You Even Meet Him" (you know, how to check him out via social media first...if that's your thing):

Positivity. You want a guy who describes what he wants, rather than what he doesn't want. According to Battista, if his online profile is filled with negatives, e.g., "I'm not interested in women who consider themselves high-maintenance" or "Women who work more than 50 hours a week need not apply," this should be a red flag. "This is an indication that he may be dating in reaction to what didn't work in his last relationship," says Battista. On the other hand, if a man is describing what he wants and how the two of you could create a partnership together, the signs are pointing to the possibility that he's open and ready.

Variety. It really is the spice of life. Battista says that rather than age, a glimpse into a guy's lifestyle is the true measure of his maturity. If the majority of his profile pictures are of him partying with his friends or showing off his abs on the beach, it's a good indication of his lifestyle. "Consider what this says about his values and how he spends his time," cautions Battista. What you should be looking for is a guy with varied interests, who is ready to put time into a relationship as well.

Establishment. Whatever his job is, consider where he is in his career. "Men who say things like 'I'm building my law practice' or 'Shifting into photography after a long career as a graphic designer' may intimate that the professional piece of his life isn't settled," Battista claims. For most men to be ready for a serious relationship, they need to feel settled in their career so they have time for something else.

Good points. Even in the Garden of Eden, Adam had an established purpose/job FIRST (Genesis 1-2). Sadly, a lot of women feel it is there job, during the dating process, to *convince a man* that either he wants to get married or wants to marry them. *It's not*. When he's complete as a person (James 1:4) and spiritually mature (Matthew 19:11-12), he doesn't need to be convinced; only compelled and not by you but the Father.

Which brings me to yet another article "Signs He's Never Going to Marry You (And Why You Should Thank Him)":

He's Evasive About the Future
He Wants to Be More Successful, More Financially Secure
He "Doesn't Know"
He Can Only Talk about Weddings or Marriage While Being Sarcastic, Ironic or Snarky

I'm going to share all of #3:

When my friend quit her job, moved to her boyfriend's city, moved in together and started looking at rings, she thought he was The One. So when months later she asked, "Do you want to marry me?" she was unprepared for his response of, "I don't know." If after living together, starting her life and career over, he still "didn't know," then deep down he did. If you feel confident you are with the man you want to marry and asking him elicits a half-hearted, non-committal answer -- realize what's really going on. No one should take marriage lightly, but at some point, you must lay all your cards on the table. What other information does he think he needs to know? When in doubt, direct questions often give you the right answer even if when it is "I don't know." It may not be what you want to hear, but it's the truth. (And my friend broke up with her boyfriend, moved back to her city, had a rough breakup year and then met her current husband).

"I don't know" is not "someday".
"I don't know" is "I haven't really given it much thought and I'm not pressed to.

You deserve a man who *knows*.

So, in honor of the men who have shown clear signs that they wanted to marry their beloved, I decided to share a few marriage proposal videos. Just to keep anyone who is tempted to become cynical about finding real love and getting married from doing so (I Corinthians 10:13).

"Marriage material men" are out there.
Just stop ignoring the signs of the ones who aren't...well...*them*.

This first one "bucks the world's system" for sure BUT check it out:

And then I really like Tyson and Haley's proposal and then the video of him seeing her in her wedding dress. (Peep how the socks match the shoes. They are too cute!)

Don't settle. WHY SETTLE?

Just wait on God and the man who will give you...the right signs.



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