Wednesday, May 27, 2015

"On Fire": Don't Romanticize MIXED SIGNALS


This is probably more of a PSA than anything else. And I pray---oh, how I pray---that it is received because it can spare you so much of the drama and heartache that I used to experience.

Something that I'm embracing now, far more than I used to, is the fact that I really am a child of the Most High (Psalm 82:6). No, not in theory but literally. And because I am that, because I am made in his image to reflect his likeness (Genesis 1:26-28), I need to really pay close and consistent attention to verses in Scripture like (excuse the play on words), it's not cool to be lukewarm (Revelation 3:16), double-mindedness really does speak to instability (James 1:2-8) and we are called to be "the light of the world" (Matthew 5:14). Something that light is defined as being is "something that makes things visible or affords illumination". *Light helps to make things clear*. Or clearer.

OK, so let's look at all of this from a relational perspective...

Some of you may recall that last December, I posted a blog with this title: "Wanna Know What's Next? Ask God to Give Your Love Life a WORD." How many of you actually *made the time* to do this particular exercise? Although my conscience is telling me that it's best to keep my own word to myself, what I will tell you about it is this: *Things got a whole lot clearer once the Holy Spirit (John 14:26-AMP) gave it to me!* I think one of the reasons why is because the word is so strong, so purposeful, so *intentional* that there's no room for lukewarmness, double-mindedness...*mixed signals*---from a man.

Technically, a mixed signal is "A message that is uncertain because multiple interpretations are being conveyed at one time." However, being that the Word tells us that "God is not the author of confusion" (I Corinthians 14:33), it's pretty safe to say that he's also not the author of mixed signals. In fact, I'd venture to also say that a big part of what "guard your heart" (Proverbs 4:23) and "the heart is deceitful" (Jeremiah 17:9) are alluding to is if you get too caught up in the "center of your emotions" (one definition of heart), especially when dealing with the opposite sex, you tend to not see things as they are. You tend to invite multiple interpretations. You tend to focus on how you want things to be while not looking at the total reality of the matter. That's not good, healthy or productive: "It’s best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue. A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it." (Ecclesiastes 7:18-Message)

And so, since God is not big on "mixed messages", why should we be?

I thought about this even more when I checked out an article that basically took mixed messages even further: "6 Reasons That Prove Mixed Signals Do Not Exist And You’re Just In Denial". Dun, dun, dun, dun (LOL)! Yeah, a wise man once said that we don't see things as they are. We see them as *we* are. And so, if we're willing to put up with mixed signals, if we make our hearts subject to mass confusion, what does that say about us? (I don't have the answer. That's more of a rhetorical question, I guess.)

Here were the reasons:

Actions Speak Louder Than Words: If someone’s words (or text messages) lead you to believe that he or she is into you, but the actions prove otherwise, listen to the actions. Do not let yourself get confused because someone said “Hey gorgeous, I’d love to see you sometime soon” but the person doesn’t actually ever make plans to see you. Actions speak louder than words.

Players Only Love You When They’re Playing. This point sort of speaks for itself. A female or male player might pretend to be interested in you or even pretend to care about you because he or she might have some sort of ulterior motive. If someone is playing you, it can create a false sense of intimacy. Eventually, the true colors will show and it will be around that time when you start complaining about mixed signals.

When You Know, You Know. When someone is really interested in you, you will know. It will be clear. There will not be mixed signals. When this happens, it will feel effortless, natural and easy. The anxiety sustained from wondering and waiting will be nonexistent. You will hear from this person often and you will not feel played.

Inconsistency Is Not Something You Should Deal With. Whether you’re looking for something casual or something more serious, if someone is inconsistent with you and it is bothering you, move on. For example, if someone you’re interested in contacts you on a regular basis and then drops off the face of the earth for a few weeks and then repeats the same cycle, try not to get too frustrated. Simply do not invest any more of your time. In poker terms, fold. “Mixed signals” such as these are not worth your time and effort.

Most People Don’t Want To Put All Of Their Eggs In One Basket. You may be confusing mixed signals with someone who is simply not focused on just you. From time to time, this person’s focus drifts to the other people he or she is seeing – and that’s simply this person’s prerogative.

The Secret Lover Is Not A Thing. If someone is all about you in private, but is reluctant to introduce you to his or her friends or family or take you out in public, there could be trouble in paradise. If someone can’t show any affection whatsoever unless you’re alone, that’s not mixed signals, that’s just a red flag.

Whew! Get free Wednesday (John 8:31-32)! That's what today is (LOL)! And the author's first point? That's Scriptural: "Little children, let us not love [merely] in theory or in speech but in deed and in truth (in practice and in sincerity)." (I John 3:18-AMP) God is love (I John 4:8&16) and he shows his love to us all of the time. Yes, love is designed to be put into practice. Again:



This includes the oh so famous "state of indecision" that some folks use, basically as a a stall tactic. Just this morning, I read a picture quote that said "You are not just a phase". And you know what? Mature (Matthew 19:11-12-Message) individuals know this about the people they deal with. This means that they are not sitting around "on the fence".

For the record, there is a difference between being "undecided" about someone and being "in prayer" (in order to receive divine wisdom--James 1:5) about the situation. Yep, don't confuse *your impatience* (James 1:4) for being someone's indecision. I'm simply saying, if a man is praying about you and the relationship, on way or another, he convey that. If he's not saying much of anything, his actions are sporadic or inconsistent and you have no clue what is really going on---all of that would be considered receiving mixed signals as a result of his indecisiveness. And you know what? Indecision *is* decision.

OK, and what if a part of you is *still* wanting to romanticize the situation? Look, if he's a believer (and biblically, that should be the only real contender for you--2 Corinthians 6:11-18), he knows how to find out what to do about you. It's also biblical:

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."---Matthew 7:7-8(NKJV)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths."---Proverbs 3:5-6(NKJV)

And one of my personal favorites for this particular kind of message:

"A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."---Proverbs 16:9(NKJV)

Preach King Solomon! A man who is undecided is this kind of man: "The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; but the soul of the diligent shall be made rich." (Proverbs 13:4-NKJV) Once a man seeks, once a man puts his trust in God, once a man makes a plan concerning who you are to be in his life, God helps him to find the right answer, God starts to direct his path and his steps.

Now, I'm not saying that steps will be directed toward you...

I'm saying that steps will be implemented in such a way to where neither one of you will be wasting one another's time. The guy will know what to do next and so will you. Because you both *decided* that you wanted to know what God had in mind. That leaves little to no room for any kind of mixed signals.

As I was penning this, a spiritual brother of mine sent me a list based on something I am praying with him about. There are no accidents (Proverbs 16:33-AMP) and so I wanted to share #20. I discern (Proverbs 2) it's how all of should be so that we can avoid the ever-annoying mixed signals and valleys of indecision:

"Being a woman...isn't about how she has to fight for her place in this world or religion. It's about knowing how amazing she is as the crown of creation...created in the image of God to be the first help mate to man. [A woman] understands who she is in Christ and lives and moves in that. And she's willing to continue to just be in Christ and move in that."---Sharif Iman

And when a woman is in *this lane*...

How can there possibly be any room in her mind/heart/spirit for any mixed signals?



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