"If you say you’re going to do something, do it...You promised it, so do it."---Deuteronomy 23:23(Message)
I believe I shared before that...
Several years ago, I attended some premarital classes for singles. You could not be in a relationship in order to attend them. I thought that was awesome because it's actually out of order (I Corinthians 14:40) to get engaged before taking premarital classes. I say that because the true purpose of them is not to go through a "quick formality" but to see if you should even get engaged in the first place.
One of the things that the sessions covered was plain old common sense. For instance, one of the things that the pastor and his wife said was "If your boyfriend doesn't go to school or work on time, he's probably not going to come home on time either."
I was reminded if all of this when I read a super sweet (and much appreciated in this season) article entitled "High School Quarterback Keeps Promise to Friend With Down Syndrome".
You can click on the link to read all of the story but basically, Ben and Mary were childhood friends. As kids, he promised that he would take Mary (she's the one with Down Syndrome) to her prom. Life separated them in some ways (schools for instance) yet Ben remembered his childhood vow and took Mary to her prom:
And he dotes on her to this day. Moser’s promposal was a fittingly uplifting gesture, pun intended. “We got balloons and I wrote ‘prom’ on it,“ Moser told the Patriot-News. "I presented her with the balloons and asked her to go to prom with me.” A thrilled Lapkowicz admits, “I was surprised. I was going to go with some friends.“
Moser’s mom was equally floored by the thoughtful invitation. Sharing photos from the day of the dance, Lisa Troutman Moser writes on Facebook, “Today was probably the proudest I have ever been of my son in his lifetime to date,” she writes. “He has accomplished many things on the football field, on the baseball field, in the classroom, and just in his life. He has grown into a man with a big heart, a deep sense of putting others first, and most of all making people feel special and loved.”
I really like what Ben's mom said about him at the end. He's accomplished a lot but *his character* is what means so much to her. Amen. I mean, if he's like that to a friend and he continues to grow and mature, *can you just imagine how he will be as someone's husband*???
It ministered to me too. It actually reminded me of one of the favorite qualities of my late fiance' who will have been gone 20 years this coming November. One summer, he asked me what I wanted him to bring me from Chicago. There was no MAC store in Nashville at the time and I said "I want a chestnut lip liner from MAC." Not another word was said about it but come the following semester, he handed me the liner. His attentiveness was amazing (that is really attractive in a man, no doubt). However, what really moved me was that he kept his word.
Just about all of us have heard "a man is his bond", however, when it comes to relationships, I'm not sure how many of us make a man keeping his word, even in the smallest of things, a top priority when it comes to who is revealing themselves to truly be husband material.
Does he call when he says he's going to call?
Does he do what he says he's going to do?
When he can't, does he apologize and show signs that he'll strive to do better the next time?
DO YOU DO THE SAME?
A big part of being married is *keeping your vows* (Ecclesiastes 5:1-7). One definition of a vow is "a solemn promise, pledge, or personal commitment". Another is "a solemn promise made to a deity or saint committing oneself to an act, service, or condition". And still another is simply "a solemn or earnest declaration".
I remember while growing up, if one of my friends or I didn't keep our word, we would say "I didn't promise". That's ridiculous. Adding "I promise" shouldn't mean that simply saying that you were going to do something shouldn't stick. The definitions of vow prove it. If you make a personal commitment, if you make an earnest declaration, *you should follow through with what you said*. Plain and simple. Over and out.
And so yes, during the dating and courtship season, a big part of what you and "he" should be looking to see is how much integrity you both have when it comes to keeping your word. Because if you don't do what you say you're going to do NOW what possibly makes you think that you can be trusted to THEN?
Wedding ceremonies are not some magical experience that totally changes the core of a person.
Wedding ceremonies are public declarations that two people are committing to one another's core. For life.
And you're in for one heck of a ride if you decide/choose to marry someone who is already not consistent in keeping their word to you, to others and most importantly, to God. In fact, in my own world, that has become a deal breaker for me. I want a man who has enough integrity to do what he says he's going to do and enough humility to acknowledge how much of a problem it is when he doesn't.
How can I bet that the marriage vows are going to mean as much to him as they should?
And that's a gamble that I *absolutely do not* want to make.
Just something to think about...a lot. Especially if you're in a relationship.